Will the sunlight and my deep brown eyes
Find more of your warm skin?
Will the sunlight and my full lips
Find yours again and again?

Will our lips meet like they did that one night
In the drizzling rain?
As we stood embracing each other
In the middle of the lane

Will the moonlight and my intense gaze
Find your twinkling eyes that always lead me in?
Will the moonlight and my trembling hands
Find yours again and again?

Will our lips meet like they did that one night
In the drizzling rain?
As we stood embracing each other
In the middle of the lane

The sun and the moon and you
Shine so very, very bright
I think of you as light

I remember loneliness
And what it tasted like
Before you ****** it
Right out of me

I have tasted it every day
Since you have left
Each day, the taste
A little more bitter,
Slightly more stronger

I thought I told you
I didn't want it back

Trees and birds and moonbeams and love and adventure
That's all she ever thinks about

Soaring with the wind, floating on the clouds,
kissing the sky and dancing with the moon
That's all she ever thinks about

Passports and passion and places and people
That's all she ever thinks about
All she ever thinks about

Out of sight of any watching eyes
Sweet and tender kisses exist
Souls continuously reaching out to each other
In an ocean of breathless wonder and awe

I awoke last Sunday morning
From a colossal and contented peace
To find your body bathed in golden sunlight
Next to mine

One thing I have noticed about myself
Is that the person I am at the given moment
Is a true and honest reflection of what I feel like inside
I act differently
I think differently
I feel differently
I dress differently
I react differently
All depending on who I am and
What I am experiencing internally
At that point in my life

I think this is one reason I struggle with joy
When I think about it
Small and fleeting moments of joy
Are full of such immaculate beauty and tugging nostalgia
They're enticing
(Especially when you spend most of your time feeling sad and lost )
But that tends to change when you have a lot of those moments
And then when those moments happen more and more frequently
They start to become a normal part of your every day life
Until joy is something you are used to
And you struggle to find something to make you feel so intimately
Something that pierces the deepest part of your soul
Something that is unbearably painful but so magnificently beautiful
Just like all of those days you were so sad
But your joy is your sorrow unmasked
One cannot survive without the other
They coexist

So when the jar labeled, "Joy & Sorrow" is full
Filled all the way up to the brim with this Joy
There is no room for any Sorrow to join in
And with too much Joy and not enough Sorrow
Things are surely going to start feeling a little bit suspicious
And maybe even bland
So what do you do?
Do you just go on struggling with joy?
I wish I knew
I wish I knew

Even though I can be sad for
Many days at a time
You will grow to love me
Despite of that
You will see
When I smile
You will love me
Because when someone
Or something
Makes me smile
It is clear how genuine and
Relieving
It feels for me
To be able to be
Pulled away from my sadness
If only for a short while
Like the very first breath of air
You desperately **** in after
Coming up from the walls of water
With nothing to taint its honesty
Beauty and effortless
Complexity

When I can smile and
Feel it all over and
All inside of me
Feel my eyes light up and
My chest overflow with helium
I am my most beautiful
Completely contained by
Every single commodity a
Smile is compiled of
It is a lovely phenomenon

I am living proof that
Tragic and sad things
Will always be a certain kind of
Beautiful
That a mind is a
Terrible thing
But that the most genuine and
Honest of beauties
Always comes from something
Unexpected and
Opposing

There is a certain part of the
Human soul that is drawn to
All of which is
Born and created from the
Presence of tragedy and
Sadness
A smile that emerges after a
Seemingly tireless bout of
Searing sorrow
Like those sunshine rays that
Reach down and
Take over the world after
Two days long of rain and clouds

I am terrible
And lovely
And difficult to love
Something and someone
No one is
Ever quite sure of
A beautiful tragedy

When I feel your eyes slink across me
I am overcome with a feeling
That resonates from deep within
Igniting my insides

And in that fleeting moment
I know for certain
*I will never stop missing your touch

Throughout my entire life
I've constantly thirsted for approval
From those whom I love and admire
And at different stages
It was different kinds of approval
But all the while
I was always on a quest for some form of it

I think it's more of a
My first priority is to make sure you are satisfied
And if you are not
What can I do to make it so that you are content?
Because for as long as I can remember
I have always put other people's happiness before my own
And still, other's needs before my own
I've never known how to say "No" when something is asked of me
I guess a part of it is a desperate hope that sings
If I am willing to do it for someone else, someone else would surely be willing to do it for me
But most of the time that is not the case
I am always giving people
Every single person I come into contact with
The benefit of the doubt
And a lot of times I shortchange myself because of it
So I guess I need to start reminding myself
That I don't need to hold on to anyone who can't
Or won't
Have me
And I don't need to reach out to people
Who never reach out to me
I don't need to drag my feet or my heart or my body
Through glass and destruction
For anyone

Because people are not prizes
And love is not a journey's end

But most importantly
I shouldn't ever be just another milestone
Crossed off someone's list

I should be a heartbeat
A phenomenon
An endless flame

I watch you as you carefully observe
The bite marks
With a serene look on your face
Reading the love notes
Written boldly in flesh

They feel good and hot
You can hear the words
Echo quietly in your head
As the saliva sinks in
Like poison ink

I have tattooed
Every single inch of your skin
With kisses
You are completely covered in love...
My love!

I am never letting you get away from me
And I hope you never grow tired of my touch

I'll love you until the day that I die
And then I will love you still

She is the sun
Who loves you numb
In day's ultimate
Alone and warm

Through your window
She creeps in
Paints a golden layer over your skin
Her glow kissing your face below

She is the light
That leaks through your veins
And peaks through the clouds
She'll stop your heart once
She'll start it back up again

Her fingers are rays
That touch your soft lips
She takes away your breath
And as you take small and timid sips
You slowly drink her in
She glides down your throat
She shines on your walls

The color of her aura
She is so stunning
And you are so in love

You walk into the living room where you find her lying on the floor
She is surrounded by a myriad of shattered christmas ornaments
She catches a look consisting of both awe and terror in your eyes as you notice the luminescent tears on her rosy cheeks
The lights on the tree illuminate the streaks on her face like sun rays shining atop a quaint pond
You open your mouth to speak but quickly refrain when she quietly says,
*"His name sounds like breaking glass, echoing in my head over and over and over, I don't know how to make it stop"

I loved you
And you gave me something in return
A box full of darkness

It took me years
To realize
That this
Too
Was a gift

A greater gift
Than I probably
Ever gave you

I am trapped inside of my skin
I am a prisoner to the confines of my body
Never fully comfortable in my own skin
Always feeling so different
And separate
From everyone and everything else
My body has never felt right to me
I don't think it was ever mine
I am not a body
I am not even the person I see in the mirror
My body is essentially the only thing that confirms my human existence
But you see, I exist entirely inside of my head
All that I am, all that I am compiled of
Can be found within my mind, within my thoughts

My skin itches from the inside
I ache to leave my body
To become a formless apparition
Experience things from a new and different point of view
I exist entirely inside of my head
I am the only mind which exists
My body means nothing to me

I am a soul and an entity
I am not a body or skin

Wandering aimlessly, my brain overflows but my lips don't speak
My mouth is locked shut, it is quiet, unable to utter any form of spoken word or phrase
My mind is blaring and thunderous as thought after thought bounces one after the other, touching and guiding each other gracefully, repeating the cycle over and over and over

My eyes constantly take in everything that surrounds me
The tall and looming trees who have not been given the chance to grow back their array of leaves
The way the sunlight reaches through the feathery clouds and shines between the spindly branches of the trees and draws strange shapes on the pavement below me
The cars that zoom by holding the unknown bodies and fixed secrets that lie within them

I observe all of the happenings around me, acknowledging the beauty of each and every single thing and person I see as the noises of the outside world are unnoticed and inaudible in comparison to my roaring thoughts and my glassy eyes that capture photographs of things no one chooses to pay attention to
As my perspective has always been unconventional
For I have always seen the world differently

I keep wandering

My bare feet push into the soft earth below me
The soil feels warm as it basks in the quiet rays of the sunlight and cool as it lays in the shade of the towering trees and scattered structures
With each step, I sink deeper and deeper, my feet molding to the earth so flawlessly, with so much ease, that I become one with it
And although I am so small and tiny in comparison, we are still one
Of the same essence, of the same elements
For less is always more
And I could wander and walk and observe like this for days and days and days

But I come upon the perfect spot to lay and do the same
As my hand scribbles frantically across countless sheets of paper
Filling each full, ruining the virginity of their white semblance

Some things ruined become some things beautiful

Sometimes waking up feels like going to bed to me
It's because I can't tell the difference between things anymore
Or it's because there's nothing left to do
It could also quite possibly be the actuality of my waning grip on reality
Do you feel real?

I'm just at an utter loss for words
And rightfully unsure in regards to how to go about fixing that
What does one do when their brain overflows but their lips never speak?
How does one go about translating their thoughts into actual words?
Why do I feel like I don't have any solid thoughts anymore?
Where has my mind been?
Where can I find it?
I want it back
I want my creativity back
My ability to access the deeper crevices of my mind
My ability to write about any possible thing that pops into my head
My feelings
My thoughts, my thoughts, my thoughts
Who am I? Who should I be?
Maybe no one
Maybe no one

Sometimes waking up is really difficult for me
Actually, most of the time it is
It's because I stay up too late
Or it's because I feel so different in the morning than I do in the wee hours of the night
It could also quite possibly be the actuality of my waning grip on reality
Do you feel real?

I keep feeling like a programmed robot
But sometimes I also feel really happy
It's like at times I'm inside of my body and other times I'm outside of it
What does one do when they don't feel in control of their lives?
How does one go about dealing with their own apathy?
Why do I feel so out of place but so oddly content?
Where has my mind been?
Where can I find it?
I want some stability in my life
I want to get rid of my delirium
My uneasiness
My confusion
My apathy, my apathy, my apathy
Who am I? Who should I be?
Maybe no one
Maybe no one

Some days I wake up with an odd, unexpected burst of motivation
These are the days I feel hopeful and resolute
But it all disappears within a couple of days
It's because I lost stability in my life a long time ago
Or it's because I don't know how to hold onto anything anymore
It could also quite possibly be the actuality of my waning grip on reality
Do you feel real?

I'm constantly disappointed in myself
For multiple reasons actually
Why is it so hard for me to do things that most people find easy and routine?
What is it that so greatly and definitely sets me apart from my peers?
How do I go about fulfilling my deepest desires?
Where has my mind been?
Where can I find it?
I want to be able to be proud of myself for more than just two days at a time
I want some permanence integrated back into my life
My passion
My purpose
My life, my life, my life
Who am I? Who should I be?
Maybe no one
Maybe no one

Some days are far worse than most
It's because I am able to overlook a lot of things & keep going but it gets to be too much
Or it's because I have acted sane for too long and just lose it
It could also quite possibly be the actuality of my waning grip on reality
Do you feel real?

I can't stand it on the days I do lose it
It's like for 5 or so solid days I can be so content and upbeat and then it all comes back and slaps me in the face, saying "Ha see! You're not as strong as you thought you were."
It's extremely frustrating and ultimately discouraging
Why am I beset with soothing waves of bliss and then destructive tidal waves of searing sadness and exasperation?
What is it that causes me to lose sight of all I've worked so diligently for?
How do I go about controlling these breakdowns that plaque me too frequently?
Where has my mind been?
Where can I find it?
I want it back
I want a life without the rigid limitations that others have always set for me
I want a life without periods in which I don't have to lock myself in my room and forget the world for days at a time
I just want some ******* stability
And I want some answers

He immediately recognized her as a kindred spirit by the way she talked and gesticulated
She was putting careful consideration into what she said and how she said it in an effort to break through her troublesome existential isolation and to bridge those gaps in perception
He found her so intriguing
And compelling
She was someone who seemed to have a great deal of distress when it came to trying to differentiate her imagination from reality
She looked sad
She looked angry
She looked cool and collected
She looked different from everyone else he knew
She could not put on that happy face others wear when they know they are being watched
She never put on a face for him
Which made him trust her somehow
There was something about her that tugged at his heart from the first moment his eyes met hers

She immediately recognized him as a kindred spirit by the way he talked and gesticulated
He was putting careful consideration into what he said and how he said it
And he was doing it quite well
Her eyes locked to his so easily, she almost felt frightened upon meeting him
But it was exhilarating
He was someone who seemed to hold a great deal of passion within him
Especially when it came to doing what he loved and his life and the people in it
She looked into his eyes and seemed to feel within her own self what he felt within his self
He looked mystical
He looked bright
He looked intense and riveting
He looked different from everyone else she knew
He did not look at her with the same face as everyone else
He looked at her like she was actually there
Which made her trust him somehow
The moment their eyes first met was the moment their souls first touched

I breathe softly
My heart whispers, "Stay"
My body deems, "Hold me tight"
And in my mind echoes, "Never let me go"
The blood and veins underneath my chest are very much alive and throbbing
I melt into him as we lay embraced in each other's arms
The sound of rain falling in the background
I listen to the raindrops as they tumble onto the window behind us
Sliding down
Running their fingertips over the clear semblance
Playing nature's music like a drum
Lulling the two of us into a deeper reverie

His touch lingers on each portion of my skin
Warm and tingling
Turning my heart red
Opening it
Turning it inside out and outside in
It is all so surreal
I am having trouble believing in the reality of the moment
The reality of him laying next to me
His strong arms wrapped entirely around me

My eyes have not once left his
I stare into them
Look at him longingly
The feeling painted all over my face
And I quietly tell him I do not want him to leave
To which he quickly replies, "Good. Because I don't want to leave either."
And glistening smiles manifest across both of our faces

Still gazing into each other's eyes
We get lost in the moment
Once more

This is a tale of two lovers
The sun and the moon
They laughed by the day
And loved by the night

In tune
Always there
Meticulously and beautifully doing as they do
In perfect harmony
Each
An inspiration to the other
And even so
Falling more and more in love
Each day

For it was the sun who loved the moon so much
She died every night to let him glow
And it was the moon who loved the sun so much
He died every morning to let her breathe

So tell me
What do you think is more beautiful
The way the moon lets the sun shine
Throughout the day
Or how the sun lets the moon glimmer
At night

The world in my eyes
That I travel in my head
If only I could reach up and grab the skies
Instead, I guess I'll have to wait until I'm dead

I desire to leave my footprints on every inch of land
To taste and experience every kind of person, every kind of culture
Because a life confined to one place is sad and bland
I wish to soar the skies and devour life like a vulture

So where will I go first?
What will be my first move?
I do not think I can go on ignoring this unending thirst
I need to set myself free, get into the right groove

All I can ask is that someone be by my side
Holding my hand every step of the way
Until the day has come where I have died
And we will have conquered the world and loved day by day

My eyes are brown like his
My lips full like hers
My nose, a beautiful combination of both
My freckles are permanent unlike theirs which faded as they grew older
But they remind me of a youthful mother and a youthful father
A representation that I am a beautiful result of their once thriving love
A love I thought was indestructible
A love I thought would never die
A commitment I thought was stronger than steel
A commitment I thought would never have an expiration date
If my parents aren't together, how can I be?
Torn in two but left as one

My face,
A living reminder
Of what they
Should be

Nothing is ever lost
But rather misplaced

If you are looking
Keep looking
If you are searching
Keep searching
If you are lost
Do not give up hope
For you will be found

If one looks
One can find
If one is lost
One can be found
Again and again

I feel like a monster holding a flower in the cup of my hand
So tender, so prepossessing
Before you came into my life, I feared nothing
But now, now, all I fear is myself
And in all honesty, I am so afraid
I don't want to crush you
I don't want to promise anything I cannot keep
But I can assure you, I will be everything I can, for as long as I can
And I can only hope that is enough
I know you are so willing to love, and I know you probably won't like to know that I cannot surrender to love
I am terrified of the words, "I love you"
But I want this
I want you
I want us
I want this with every fiber of my being
I want to be able to love you
Give me time, for I am more damaged than you will ever know
I need time to heal
The only thing I ask from you is your patience
You are so wonderful and I know you do not deserve to put up with someone as broken as I, but never leave
Don't give up on me darling, please