I'm told it takes less muscles to smile
Yet I frown more

I have friends that want to hang out
Yet I stay in my room

The sun shines outside
Yet I hide in my shadows

I was born to live
Yet I long to die

You feel like you've lost me
That I'm someone new
But I've always been this way
Just hiding from you

I was told I was a freak
That no one was like me
But that's when I found and became part of
the LGBT

I'm isolated
I'm lonely
I'm lost
I'm gone

I don't know when I'll be back
But something tells me
That until I see something but black
I'll never be free

So here I wait
For someone to save me
Taking love as bait
That ends up being deadly

I'm isolated, lonely
Lost, gone
I don't see anything for me
You won't see me until your dawn

I haven't slept in days
Trying to figure out why
I have a monster living in my head

Telling me sweet lullabies
Of how I'm not good enough
How I'm not who I want to be
How I'm a failure

I haven't been able to sleep
Relax
Have a moment of peace to myself
Without the monster screaming and screaming

This monster isn't new
I say hello to them every day
I say goodnight to them every night
Before they keep me awake with their yelling and disapproval

I haven't slept in days
Because my brain
Is a monster

I wish I wasn't so afraid
So shy
So worried about everyone else
And what they think of me

I had the courage beaten out of me
I've walked home with bruises
Both physically and mentally
I've never been the same

But maybe I don't want to be
Just like everyone else
Fake smiles plaguing my universe
I wish I could be
Honest

Every smile you've seen
Has been fake
I'm a liar

They're probably talking behind my back
Laughing at my mistakes
Thinking I'm a ****
Hating me

I wear a mask
Never able to say what I think
In fear of being hated
Of being alone

But I'm already alone, you see
For my brain left me long ago
To rot in this body
To rot and die

I don't know what to do
I feel like I'm constantly
Spinning
Around in my head

I don't know where to go
I'm a burden to friends
Always asking me why
I'm so down

I don't know what to say
Always hiding my feelings
Never using a megaphone
For my voice to be heard

I don't know
Why I'm upset
Why I'm afraid
Why I'm living

I don't know
Who I am
So to cope
I'll just disappear