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Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **
My thoughts are crabbed and sallow,
My tears like vinegar,
Or the bitter blinking yellow
Of an acetic star.

Tonight the caustic wind, love,
Gossips late and soon,
And I wear the wry-faced pucker of
The sour lemon moon.

While like an early summer plum,
Puny, green, and ****,
Droops upon its wizened stem
My lean, unripened heart.
the leaves of fall
began to change
and blue-tipped fingers
turned my way.

your eyes, the sun
your lips, the moon
your words, my winter
but your face, like June.


was I at fault?
for that reckoning blow,
when worlds collide
and hearts turn to gold.

when your roads turned black
and my hair a shade of gray,
I couldn't find the light
on that cold winter day.


but maybe if I tried,
to breathe without your touch,
my dreams at night,
would my reality become?

when the leaves of fall
began to fade
I lost sight of the world
I lost sight of shame.
I am the leaves.
you look at them once,
and automatically you
know everything there
is to know.

but what gives
you the right?

the right to label
someone based on
their sexuality,
their mentality or
their physical appearance.

who said you were
important enough to
judge others?

you are not the
high or mighty.

so stop acting
like something
your not.
"i'm sick of watching our generation not caring."
Johnny the ball player
Billy the kid
Suzy the busy body
Is best friends with Liz

John is a lawyer
William's a father
Susan's divorced
She feels like God forgot her

Where are her friends now
Elizabeth can't be bothered
She's dying alone
Government cannon fodder

Days long forgotten
Of a sunrise without pain
Hope lies in youth
Hate lives in age

Why can’t we all share
Like Mother once taught us
Why do we die
For the money, more dollars

If we could see ourselves now
Through the eyes of our past
We would cry two tears
For the loss of the first
And the birth of the last
I am I
You are you
But we are they
And they are all
And all are it
And it is wild

But I am I
And you are you
And I am good
And you are pure

She loves him
And he loves god
He'll grow old
And she'll go on

Still they are we
And we are it
And it, it runs
It does not walk

It charges blind
Into the dark
Without remorse
And without thought
I've been sleeping all day
and all night lately.
dreaming of fire escapes,
to save myself
from a burning reality.
my waking consciousness
is a box on your doorstep
marked
"fragile"
but clearly the label
has been overlooked,
the box under-appreciated.
damaged and dilapidated,
I am reminded of something
my mother used to say.
"what doesn't **** you
makes you stronger"
but in these
painful
waking
hours

what doesn't **** me,
simply makes me wish
it had.
everything is bad and it's raining. i'm nauseous and i'm sleeping on a bed of nails tonight. icicles hang from the empty nest inside me. it's cold and birds don't like this type of weather. i'm not sad, i'm not much of anything. it's still raining and i think it will be for a while. just buy an umbrella they say. little do they know i have a collection of them. i buy them constantly just to tear holes in with my teeth. i just vomited again and everything is just as bad as it was before. there are a handful of drugs i could swallow with little smiley faces on them. i've learned to see smiling faces and look right through them. i can't leave this bed because there's shattered glass on the floor from every mirror i've ever looked in. everything is bad and it's raining.
my eyes open, sullenly.
not a movement from
my body,
but that of my left arm,
reaching out for
that awful device
that forces me
to comprehend
a drab reality.

tap to snooze

waking up from a dream
where every day isn’t
the same monotony,
and every class isn’t
the same anesthesia,
and every moment
isn’t enveloped
in the pain
of missing you.

tap to snooze

i lay here hoping
begging, even,
that this burden
of waking life will cease,
and that one day
i will cross over
to the sleep realm
and never again
will i need to
*tap to snooze
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