I stand for the forgotten, the ones nations have forsaken,
Left to die on the open seas, or in the hidden camps,
Or in the care of those my country has paid to keep them quiet.
You will not keep us silent,
We will shout and scream until the voices of those across the ocean are heard
Until they are lead onto the podium and given the right to speak again, the right from long ago.

I will stand for my brothers and sisters, aunties, uncles, my family; spread across the earth who seek the shelter of my homeland, and I will welcome them with open arms.
And you will not stop me.

It feels a little like knowing that you're the steady choice,
Not quite spontaneous or risky enough to grab their attention in the first
Moment,
But warm and always there
People take advantage of that, falling in and out of love, but always Knowing that there's the soft warmth waiting for them at home
I fear that if I ever marry, that my husband will stray, seeking out more
Adventure while trusting in the quiet commitment of me

You’ve left a handprint on my heart, from where you reached in and nurtured the burns and scars and helped life to grow again. you held your hand out to me and lifted me up to dance with you, a slow waltz that I had to learn as you lead me ‘round the room. When you left me to catch my breath, the fear of leaving you almost paralysed me - and the realisation that I must nearly broke me.

You showed me what it was to live, and to live in such reckless abandonment that I knew I would never belong in the place I once called my home. you redefined home for me, showing me the truth of “home is wherever I’m with you.” Your sunsets were painted more beautifully than anything I’ve ever seen, and the way you always lead me to the artist behind such great sky-paintings left me in awe. Who else can teach me to fall in love with two beings at one time.

I still reach for your hand subconsciously, lean in to rest on your shoulder before I realise that you’re no longer with me. You’ve left me homesick, wondering where home may be, the place where these itchy feet can finally rest. You’ve filled my mind with reminders of cities, people, prayers and dreams, and I’ve found that as long as these thoughts rattle in my mind, sleep and rest are impossible.

You’ve shaken me to my very core, and all that remains is that still beating heart, with your palpable handprint glowing in the darkness

PSA: this is not a good poem, this is an explosion.*
pacing
internal dialogue echoing within my fatty brain, overweight from months of stagnant vegetation.
one repetitive sentence feebly attempts to remove the attackers
“go away go away go away go away”

running
linoleum floors squeaking as my slippered feet find their grip,
praying that these feet don’t lead me to a kitchen full of knives, hungry to meet the stretch marks striping my newly obese thighs.
i’d rather have scars than these purple proofs of my inadequacy

the familiar hair-band meets my forearm for the first time in an age,
my vegetated brain slowly recognises this pattern from once before and the skills from months of therapy begin to kick in
breathe in
breathe out

falling
wondering how on earth i will live for seven more weeks
desperate to make my voice heard
but stumbling into silence as my head slams the wall and bounces off the floor
leaving me stuck in my own harrowing mind,
one that is far too tired, lonely and ill to fight for much longer.

naturally,
after we leave,
everything seems to get better.
not that we took it for granted
no, really, we didn't.
we were:
            test subjects
                     guinea pigs
                            a band of misfits searching for the positive
yet somehow remaining apathetic.

I somehow expected you to be like us
a little less caring
a little less bothered
that's what I expected, not this..
subdued insecurity manifested in your eyes
they keep darting around
looking for answers in a scallop
or in the bottom of a coffee cup
silence where you should be laughing sits
hanging heavily on your shoulders,
making your natural slouch even worse
        ...I wonder if you noticed that your eyes are getting bluer

we learned once in english class that films use blue to represent anxiety
that the churning sea is symbolic of a churning mind
we never learned that you can spot that in a man
so lost in his worry that he can't see
        ...his eyes are getting bluer.

“Closure”, he said.
She watched a door close, happy to be on the right side of a shut off room, leaving the room full of babbling thoughts & sun-spots.

Together, they watched their own rooms be hidden from sight; his, a grand oaken double door, covered in intricate carvings and inscriptions - ready to fling open at just the right moment to shower a chosen woman in love.

Hers, a small, worn, yet loved door; sky blue with chipped paint and a nine-pane window, the glass clear as a mirrors surface & similar in its ability to give all who enter a view of themselves and their desires. This door would creak open again too, and slowly release seemingly infinite amounts of love, steadily trickling from her heart.

Both doors would one day open again, maybe together, maybe by each other, but for now, they were closed. Hopeful lovings not yet open for viewing. A promise still growing in the ever-lightening hidden rooms.

It's an overused platitude to say that everything reminds me of you
A banal cliché to be the girl who cries herself to sleep
But, when it happens, you can't fear the overused phrases
You have to learn to accept that you will spend some days watching a whole season of a sitcom he showed you one day
Some days reading through old messages
Some days crying
Some days healing
Not all days are dedicated to your hurting heart, not all days are meant to be for hurting
Most days are actually for sunshine and reading
For painting and writing
For prayer and for hope, because you are not your pain
I am not my pain, but...

Snap your fingers,
Tap your bag,
Grab your hair,
Scratch your skin.

Walk as fast as you can,
Don't run yet,
Don't look back
Don't fight so hard

Hope that he'll help,
Grab your hand,
Just to hold you down,
Keep you here

Watch the blood drip onto the keyboard,
The welts and bruises on your forearms
You were meant to look nice before you leave..
Leave this town and this home,
Leave these friends and these lovers
Ha.
Lovers.

Dearest Max,
Handing out the words like christmas presents
Poor, yet rich in both presence and spirit

Oh Rudy,
Giving bread that you had once stolen
Confident, yet reserved under the Book Thief's gaze

My dear,
You're presenting me with dilemmas
Don't you know?
Reminding me of literature is not the wisest play
When my heart lives inside these pages

If I could, I would take all your worries as my own
It wouldn't be too large a task
Worry is my bedfellow, the cold sweat keeping me awake at night
So, a little more cannot make much difference
If I could, I would have you hand over your worries like armfuls of melting snow
They would fall out of your arms and melt along mine, becoming sweet, vaporous, spirits
Place these heaping piles of worry into a small place in my heart
Create an eternal snowman within me
Not out of wild obsession or ulterior incentives
But because I would never wish worry on anyone,
*Least of all you.

I try to be more objective and clear-headed than most..
Fear tries to grab me at each turn
The enemy lurking behind every dark corner,
Down every chilling hallway
Can you feel its breath down your neck?
Constantly whispering...
"You'll seem clingy"
"You're not yourself anymore"
"You
Are
Not
Good
Enough"
It terrifies me,
It does its job
It keeps me silent and afraid
When all I want to do is be a friend.

If you're drunk on love
What happens when you sober up?
The morning after, the pounding headache and ridiculous nausea
What happens if you just keep drinking up all that love?
Does your 'love-liver' fail?

I don't understand this concept of being so incredibly intoxicated
If you can't think or see straight, should you really be pursuing this love?
Your beer goggles are interfering with your logic that screams out no
If you can't love them when you're sober...
Why love them when you're drunk

it’s the night for an escape

for some book thievery,
some german sweat,
some silver eyes and hair like feathers

it’s the night to pretend that none of this happened, that no-one’s hurting or afraid, that i’m not equally filled with protective rage and ridiculously nauseating terror.

the could haves
should haves
would haves
they’re whispering evil lies inside my mind

oh yeah, it’s time to escape.

I'll walk three steps behind
Watching the way your toes grip the sand
I'll run past you
Arms outstretched like an aeroplane
Willing myself not to look back
Oh my, the stars light up the sky
Oh dear, the sandcastle is falling
Oh, oh no,
I don't want to look at you again
My heart will drown again
Oh no, I mustn't look at you again
Not again...

You took a scalpel to me, my dear
Skillfully working your way through the layers
Epidermis to lipids to muscular tissue until
The bone

You carved your name on my radius
Lovers' initials on a tree
Marrow leaked across your hand
A gift of the broken

You tried to sew me up, my dear
Realising you had gone far deeper than first thought
Surgeons hands you have not
A hack job, bound to leave scars

You've left me with bumps
Burns
Itches inside my very being
Refraining from scratching
In fear of what might come pouring out

In these moments where
The church comes alive
Shouting
Singing
Praising

These are the moments where I hear a still, small voice whisper with a smiling heart;
Dankie Papa.

Thank you Daddy.

Thank you for the noise
Shouts of praise and hope
But thank you for the quiet moments
Peaceful stillness in the chaos

Thank you Daddy.

There is a time for shouts
And a time for singing
But there is a time for a smiling heart to simply whisper

Dankie Papa.

sand sand everywhere
in my bag and in my hair
on my sheets and on my phone
i hate being sun-burned alone.

late nights and homesick hearts never make for a quiet soul
excessive coffees and quilted secrets make the heart beat fast,
palpitating, jumping, murmuring hyperbolic hopes

late nights and homesick hearts can only be softened
when one's soul is at peace,
hopeful,
restful,
joyful.

Your eyes hold the stories of bravery,
Intelligence,
Foolish hope,
& persistent dreams.

Your heart holds wisdom beyond your years,
As clichéd as it is,
You do give me butterflies.

I can see why many people think our generation is a group of young people lost in self-absorbed apathy. We cry out for our ‘rights’, our ‘right’ to faster internet, better houses, cheaper clothes, sexier partners and better ***, better computers, and the right to basic human life is lost. We seem to be defined by the foolish actions of one-night stands, drunken tweets and emotional tumblr posts. We starve ourselves to be skinner, work out incessantly to be hotter, binge to be cooler, reject common sense to be hipster, and fight to be accepted rather than fighting for true justice and hope.

Where are the leaders? I know there are more of us! The ones who shake with rage when they witness the horrors going on across the globe and dream of saving lives. Not all of us feel the call to stand up on a podium and yell, nor do we all desire to march down the streets near Parliament House fighting for those who have no voice. We cannot do everything all at once, not alone anyway. There needs to be unity for any successful action can be taken. Yes, one passionate person can seek justice and change hundreds of situations, but just imagine if every person in the ‘wealthy’ western world sponsored just one child, that child becomes successful and sponsors another child, it pays forward and global poverty becomes a shameful story in a history book. Imagine our children asking us about what it was like when the world decided to take a stand against corruption, greed, apathy and demonic forces, what would you say? Would you tell them you were at the front line, in the medical tents? Or would you sigh and shamefully confess that you didn’t believe in the need for change because all you wanted was just that beautiful girl/boy/computer/dress/shirt/shoes/camera/whatever.

There are so many things we can do, so many organisations to be a part of, find something in this world that makes your blood boil, an injustice you cannot stand to see and find a way to help remove that injustice for good. You are not alone in this, you are able to change peoples lives - yes, Y O U! You and I, we can change the world forever, just hop out of your comfortable first world and run towards the challenges that we can beat. I believe in you

impatiently
i will wait for you
impatiently
i will give my heart to those who will break it
impatiently
i will cry out to god
asking why he let my heart shatter on the rotten tiles again
impatiently
i will learn patience
or i will impatiently
throw my heart to the streets

patience
is not a concept i am comfortable with
patience
seems to show me all i am not receiving
and all i am not, in return, giving
patience
**** well better be worth it all.

patience,
                              patience,
                                                            **patience.

I know you're far in heaven,
Maybe watching me,
I miss you,
Though,
I know you not,
My heart aches for you...

You see,
Sometimes I have friends,
Who almost take your role,
They hold me tight and
Learn me right,
But they cannot replace...

I hope one day to see you,
To hold my big sisters hand,
For now I'll wait,
Because we know,
Papa's got this planned.

(papa) lead my music towards marshmallow dreams and woozy hearts

he lay me down in a soft nest of clouds and propped my head up on a mushroom

tucked me in with quilted blankets and goodnight kisses

he stroked my nose until I succumbed to the whims of foreign lands

and he turned the
lanterns off

he played me piano riffs and stroked the strings of my guitar

warmed me and cloaked me in oceans of drowsy bliss

and he'll read me
dreams tonight

you. you should travel.
not to boast of your travels,
rather to explore and honour the beautiful world created for you.

you. you should travel,
not to get more stamps on your passport
rather to encounter towns, cultures, foods you have never dreamed of.

you.
you should travel.
not to lose more money,
rather,
to be witness to the most beautiful moments

sleeping eyes and relaxed minds do often make apathetics of us all
pocketed palms and agressive stances lost in the meditative gentility of the woman,
in turn, also lost in her own minds eye.

sorrow is no excuse,

for kissing necks and prolonged embraces,

sorrow cannot be a vice used to manipulate,

it is an emotion,

nothing more.

you are the one making the choice to elaborate.

If we lived closer,
Would you hold me tight?
If it was only an few hours of flight,
Would you meet me at the airport?
If I told you I loved you,
Would you say you loved me too?
Distance has ruined us,
It makes my heart ache.

You sat me down,
At the edge of the street, where the road meets the dirt, and,
You told me you were in love with someone else.

"I am in love with the sunsets, it feels like He has made it just for me.
I am in love with the summer breeze and the way it grazes my shoulders. I am in love with the freckles that come and go on my nose.
I am in love with the warm road after last light, the sound of the ducks landing in the river, the icy dam water biting my skin, the piano riff of my favourite song, bare feet being burnt on toasted sidewalks,
I am in love with the trees dancing."

...It's the sensation your heart feels after watching an old film,
That lingering emptiness and intense nostalgia for the 'simpler days.'
The desire to have your personal 1940s Film Noir lover,
Or to have a love story worthy of an art-house vintage film.
Longing for someone to dance with you , slowly and gently,
When God has promised you a man of faith,
You also pray that
He is also,
A gentleman...

I believe I slipped up today,
Showed you how I feel,
After living and hiding sentiments,
It was inevitable.

What let you know?
The blush,
Giggle,
Tripping over my shoes when I look at you?

At least you know now.

Angel up against the wall,
Small quiet soul in a room of noise,
Bass rocking the walls around,
Watching others:
Cringe,
Smirk,
Cry.
Wishing for a knight to grab her hand,
To speak of Holy Pilgrim's Kiss,
A wait that is an eternity,
A wait well worth it.

If we could go back in time,
Would we chide or former selves?
What would we say?
Would we beg each other to go slowly, wait a while?
IF I could go back,
I would plead for patience,
Enforce boundaries,
Smash up insecurities.

We can't go back,
We can learn
We can hold others hands,
Alas, we can't stop them from making our mistakes,
But we can love them anyways.

no-one stays the same
we all just simply wait
for the change to move over our way
whether it's others leaving us
or we are moving on
we all have to change and someone keep on

living

like it's not killing us inside
it's a challenge especially when the world demands that we

hide it

because now pain is weakness
the hurt inside cannot pierce through the tough exoskeleton

a pre-requisite to life is the knowledge that everybody leaves

a mother leaves her child, whether by choice or by chance
a husband leaves his wife for a younger girl instead
a soldier leaves his country, because he is treated like a misfit

why does no-one fight it?
can no-one see a way?
or is it the "I am one and that's not enough" belief striking again?
99 is NOT 100
it will never be
so fight the change to keep the world the way that it should have been

but keep in mind, not to limit others
don't force them to stay still
for others than yourself, are important too
when someone tries to leave you, let them go with kindness
and if they try to keep you once they're gone
well, it means they never left you

this is far too long a poem
but to short to fit in what to say
in the coda of this verse, I will try to explain
that though everyone leaves for a time, some will always remain
in your heart and your mind
you'll never be alone when you find a friend who will do the same

Hey there boy,
Funny seeing you again,
Someone who was much more than a simple friend.

You filled my life with joy and regret,
But now the question I have is..

Do you miss it?

Rubbing your hands through my hair, whispering things in my ear?

Do you miss it?

Kissing my lips until I was blushing scarlet, promising we'd last forever?

I don’t.

Are you jealous boy?
How I’ve blossomed without you,
Have you realised that you held me back?

I have.

I thank you for causing the pain inside my heart,
The immovable weight,
Because each time it hits me,
I’m reminded of how much I have grown,

*Without your help.

A thorn,
Barbed and tearing my flesh.
Others only see the outer thorn,
They pull on it.
Not seeing the hooks inside.

Fall in love with her beetroot blush,
The way she tucks her hair behind her ear,
Her dimpled smirk...

Fall in love with her freckles,
The way she leans in to listen to what you're saying,
Her scars...

Fall in love with her story,
The way she stares at her hand when she speaks,
Her secrets...

Fall in love with her trust,
The way she loves another man,
Her faith...

Fall in love with her:
                      Gently,
                                Purely,
                                         Emphatically.

Fall in love with her,
Like He would.

A cynical laugh.
Fell for another joke.
Worthless with no merit.
Disappointed hope.
Giving nothing and leaving nothing.
Nothing.

Filled with anxiety and melancholy,
What happened to that blanket of Peace?
My heart is a vessel of Worry,
My mind, a cauldron of Despair.
Where is the Joy?
Why must is be a fleeting emotion,
Hardly ever in my grasp?
God promises many things,
Joy,
Peace,
Love,
How long must I wait to receive?
Almost beyond impatience,
More...
Desperate sorrow

My girl, she's a beauty,
Long, flowing black hair,
A voluptuous *****.
She struts along streets with a confident air,
Very nearly, but not quite, snooty.
Her *******, a perfect pair,
Her morning breath, fresh and fruity.
Her smile makes lonely strangers stare,
Her dimples, wow, she's such a cutie.
Her body, an alluring, ***** snare,
Multitudes of friends follow like groupies,
  Although she makes other men swoon in despair,
  I've succumbed to obey her with a sense of duty.
  I'm sick, I'm done, time to get her out…**she better prepare.

Who could ever love an Eliza?
Awkwardly a little too tall,
Possessing a dorky laugh,
Silly mannerisms,
And,
Above all,
A dream of love.
An Eliza writes poetry,
Crying to God for answers to life's questions,
Asking for God to provide some form of companionship.
An Eliza,
Is impatient,
Her largest downfalls,
Impatience,
Caring too much.
An Eliza is an Eliza,
But,
Is that a good thing?

She's using you.
Can't you see?
My heart is hurting for you.
She needs a shoulder to try on,
Your emotions blind you to the manipulation.
Why settle for one love,
When you can have two?
Don't you realise,
You are so heart over head.
Dear friend,
Why do you not see.

Heal me Jesus,
I am broken and hurting.
Cleanse me Jesus,
I am impure and *****.
Teach me Jesus,
I want to know more about You.
Hold me Jesus,
I am lonely.
Love me Jesus,
Though I am unworthy.

Everybody,
Has somebody.
Whether it is mutual love,
Unrequited,
Or lustful,
Everybody,
Has somebody.
Except me.

I dreamt you kissed me last night.
Two pairs of eyes,
Yours and mine,
Looking for an answer to a question...
"May I kiss you?"
Never said, but most definitely thought, loudly.
Too loudly.
Our noses touching now, the slight tilt of my head...
The kiss.
We kissed in the back of a moving car,
Your hands ran through my hair.


Only a Dreamers' Kiss,
An imaginary romance.
You'd never feel that way.

You expect me to sit here and wait for you?
We both know how impatient I am.
Not like I have a choice,
Waiting for a man who may or may not exist.
Can't you just stop hiding in the shadows?
Come sweep me off my feet,
Serenade me?
Can you stop waiting for me to deal with my problems,
You can help me deal with them!
I can't do this alone,
Although we both know I'm not alone.
Are you waiting for Him to tell you to take centre stage?
Will you capture my attention in a beautiful way?
Oh darling, why must you be so slow in arriving,
I dearly want you sitting next to me,
Playfully mocking my silly mannerisms,
Not letting me say one evil or unkind word about myself.
I'm praying for you love,
For the day we meet.
Until then,
I will wait.
**I will pray.

What if you laugh?
Will you mock my poetry?
It's only,
The cry of a cracking heart.
Will you be scared away,
Like all the others?
Will you stay,
Out of pity?
What if you hate me?
What if I am too scared to ever tell you?
What then?
What if?

old remarks

on old photos

from old journals

bring back old feelings

**and old regrets.