Black Out or Back Out

Music blowing in my ear
but temptation is all i hear

inhibitions subside and all that remains is desire
if you told me what i did last night
i would call you a liar

drink in my hand
women in my sight
i can barley stand
one hell of a night

my memory of my actions
as questionable as my actions themselves

everything is blurry
whats wrong, whats right
what did i do last night?
Im starting to worry

That line is so thin
i stumble from side to side
right and wrong
i stumble back in forth
until i swayed into a decision
that maybe i shouldnt have made

the only thing i do remember
is waking up in a place i don't remember

lying in this bed
unable to sleep
thinking of my pain
unable to weep
the mess in my life
unable to sweep
i'm on a falling ledge
unable to leap
everything dear to me
unable to keep
all the benifits of life
unable to reap
my wounds wont heal
way too deep
just leave me alone
and let me sleep (forever)

i know more people than i ever have before
but im more alone than i've ever been in my life
these people dont know how i feel
so i question if its real
do they know who i really am
how could they if everything i feel is hidden inside
how can i expect them to trust me and stand by my side if even my thoughts i hide
it must be like staring at an empty sky
when it seems like nothing is there
but that's not quite fair cause its filled with air
something we need to survive
and i know there's wind at least that i can feel against my hair
just cause you dont see anything
and looks to be bare
that doesnt mean nothing is there
and thats my pain
my loneliness and fear
and no matter calm i appear
this empty feeling is always here
even when surrounded by the masses
i feel no different as every interaction passes
i feel as alone as man who lost his mother and his brother
his father and his daughter
this is the loneliest feeling of my life
and after all that
i feel like a man who even lost his wife

If you were the forbidend fruit
Then you can call me adam
They say seduction is the devil’s playground
So wont you be my play mate
Many say adam made a mistake
But I prefer to think of it as fate
Because sin is my favorite vice
And I don’t listen to any advice
So come indulge in me
And our love will burn forever
In the darkest place
Where only a few will know what we do
Put that devilish grin on my face
As I plunge into your waist
You make my road to Hell
A Heavenly place

A little waiting
Some vigorous pushing
A quick look around
On a shaky ground

Grabbed the nearby seat
Some rest to the feet
In minutes squeezed inside
By a woman on the same ride

Awkward journey
The CON for cheap money.
Ticket punched
Some snacks quietly munched

Feel tall from the rest
I am in a red BEST
The driver is in a hurry
I smell some fish curry

Over a bridge
Some dogs cringe
Music for my ears
No more travelling fears

Nothing gone wrong
Now I feel strong
My stop is next
Replying to a text

Trip a little but its okay
I think it’s a good day
The red bus brakes
My balance shakes

I fly right on the drivers grill
With my face drilled
All eyes on me
I can barely see

I shiver as I walk the stairs
No one even cares
People just want to get to their destination
And I stand numb at the bus station.

-Zainab Attari

I jump, I fall
I slip, I crawl

I laugh I cry
I fail but try

I dance without care
Pretty clothes I wear

I walk alone
So happy on my own

Then I catch your sight
You hold me tight

You kiss, I faint
My dreams you paint

With promises anew
Together we grew

So in love till now
We take our vows

I breathe with ease
I sleep in peace

Only in my dreams
Reality doesn't scream!

-Zainab Attari