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Derrick Jones Mar 16
I got so many feelings they leave me reeling, stealing second after second because I’m the first to leave and the last to go, too guarded to believe and too frozen to flow.

Words cut into thirds and still too long to belong but too short to be strong,

I’m not tough I’m all bluff and all guff  I know stuff but not enough
Hands cuffed and shoes scuffed I’m too rough easily rebuffed and left puffed

I hope one day I find a way to be alone and okay but for now my skies are gray even on sunny days and like the waves I know I’ll eternally return but for now I burn, endless fire and pain a pyre without rain burning forever, chains I cannot sever no matter how clever I spit my wit aint **** in the big mitt.

Held in the hands of the One but no lifeline comes so I feel like I’m being burned in the sun, taxed like earned income, vexed like an anti-vaxxer with a sneezing son, fried by having too much fun and lied to by myself as I lie down in the sun, shoulda used suncreen but my burned skin screams and my broken dreams teem around the edges of a vessel losing steam, engines down and shields almost depleted, if this is Star Trek than I’m a red shirt being yeeted, if it’s a contest I’m this close to defeated, a few feet more and I’m off the shore, swept away in the ocean and no potion can stop this downward motion more than gravity seized by the sea I see no light to swim toward so I get floored, and at the bottom I grab a shovel and start to dig, maybe if I lean in to my demise I’ll be able to fantasize that this was a choice, that I have a voice, that I’m more than another skeleton swallowed by time in the end, I got the bends I sank too fast and even if I try to rise again the nitrogen will do me in, so why the hell should I even try when I could just lie here lying to myself, another bottle off the shelf another twisted elf helping me help myself abandon wealth and fall into deprivation, depraved agitation with no sanitation, ***** not clean nice and mean like mice and men I’ve gone awfully awry and I’m not shy enough to hide my shame so in these words I confide, some part of me awake for the ride while the rest sleeps in the tide, hoping the waves take me home, soma holiday the only way I’ll feel okay, my soma and germ both squirm with the ancestral trauma I spurned until it churned into a calamity inside of me that consumes me in gloom and doom until there is no room to do anything else but retreat back to the waiting room womb.

I typed that in one breath but still death would not save me from myself, this is not a cry for help this is more like a review on yelp, my life review is five out of five in the shine and naught out of who cares when the rain lays me bare, and cold and alone my flashlight shone on white bone and rotting flesh, death so everpresent it’s like christmas every day oh yay I hope my sarcasm forces a giggle from a lip so that this eclipse lifts for the briefest second, a glimpse at the life I could have had but somehow missed, the mist covers my eyes, first second and third, and the bird’s eye view tells me I’m *******, but when I look from the floor, well that view ***** more, so I guess ******* less would mean success, but the report card is hard to care about when I carted out my art so long ago, I started out with eyes on the throne now I’d **** to throw myself a bone and feel like there was a hope I could atone or find a road to home.

Tones bring me joy, music from the noise, something I wish I could make but I feel deaf and dumb when I try so I numb myself with wine until I’m fine to eat off the vine that others planted, feeling like a waste of space I wish I could face my fears, face to the mirror without my eyes wide shut, but the feeling in my gut is like a rifle **** slammed by a soldier, the pain surges and smolders, aching shoulders make it hard to stand straight, grated down like cheddar I used to be better than this now I’m a sweater poorly knit, a useless *** and a hub of useless code that would erode the minds of better men if they let my poison seep in, so I keep myself at a distance, I witness, hide my mental fitness and put on airs to win the princess.

I’m sorry I stole your heart you should have never let it part from your chest because now I confess I come off like the best but I am cursed to sometimes be the worst, an endless thirst I cannot slake, relentless life I cannot take, smiles I no longer fake because the weight finally ground me down to nothing in the end, nothingness my final gift to lend I guess I’ll just make space until I finally find erasure, the sweet bliss of death’s kiss will launch me to the next great adventure, returned to sender, smart like Ender my heart was rendered fully now it’s rended dully, blunt knives hack apart ventricles that used to start a beat that moved my feet, but now like lead I feel less alive than dead, and hope for resurrection is my only real direction.

Someone give me sign. Help me climb. Remove my blinds. Remind me of the path to the divine.
Burning Bridges
Why does one burn bridges?
A tactful retreat might include warding off pursuers
But in a quarrel among friends
Why burn the bridge?
Time may turn enemy to friend in the end
So why would you break instead of bend
A tender heart rendered difficult to tend
Defended by barbs, but unable to mend

— — — — — — — — — — —

This poem came to me in a conflict with a friend, and for me highlighted how important it is to keep the long-term view in mind no matter how activated we are or how immediate and urgent the conflict may seem. No interaction happens in a vacuum, and every situation can be thought of as part of an infinite game that we will likely return to at some point in time.
When keeping the fullness of the view, our actions and words will better align with a skillful and centered approach. We may even come to the conclusion that in most circumstances, life is not about winning or losing, but about playing the most beautiful game.
Thank you for being. If you would like to see more of my poetry, essays, and other writings, check out my blog on Medium: https://medium.com/words-ideas-thoughts
Derrick Jones Dec 2024
Fluid, flowing, glowing

Don’t disconnect, keep going

Swimming through the water like a tribe of rainbow otters

Reconnecting to the self I’ve been dissecting
For year after year
Fear after fear
With tear after tear I am finally whole
A role and sole rolling back into the fold
Creating a story to be told
Grateful to let this world unfold

From grief to relief with no need for belief
Instead, be a lead, slowly blowing in the breeze
Finally flowing free with ease

Less disconnect, more disco
Reconnected, I can let go
Resurrected, I can now grow
Thank you for reading! If you would like to read more poetry and writing, please follow me on Medium: https://medium.com/words-ideas-thoughts
Derrick Jones Nov 2024
Looking down
From such great heights
My soul grows wings
Finally taking flight


I am small in the largest ways
I am the sun and all its rays
Life is a fragile, fleeting haze
Until it is seen with the sun’s clear gaze


Grief and gratitude stretch me large
Ego surrenders, no longer in charge

I wake, and I break, and in shattering, I slake
The endless thirst, the hunger that takes
I finally find peace, a break, a cease
To the fire, and find a sweet release
Thank you for reading! If you would like to read more poetry and writing, please follow me on Medium: https://medium.com/words-ideas-thoughts
Derrick Jones Nov 2024
Dear Mother,

AKA Mom

Please show me
Show you know me
Show me what I need to see
If not need, perhaps want
And if you can’t, you can punt
Show me what you like
Find joy from within
I will gladly share with you
I will gladly dive in

I wish you saw
The beauty I see
In every falling leaf
From every changing tree

Maybe you did
You just got stuck somewhere
Because life is not fair
And you had so much pain to bear

I wanted you to see
That bare of heart means free
More than it hurts
It lets you finally be

Just be
No need for doing
A clear lens
Free from constant skewing

I love you more
Than I could ever show
You had a true shine
An unbelievable glow

I hope you are out there
Show me
Wonders great and small

If you give me the chance
I swear
I will always take your call

Love,
Derrick
Thank you for reading! If you would like to read more poetry and writing, please follow me on Medium: https://medium.com/words-ideas-thoughts
Derrick Jones Nov 2024
Touch
I want it so much
Electric
Ecstatic
Attachment automatic

As soon as it begins
My head, it swirls, it swims
Intimacy together
Attached not tethered

A hand to hold
A leg to touch
A hug, a kiss
I long so much

The soma
The body
My Nadis, not naughty
It’s healthy, not snotty
Even if she a shawty

We are social creatures
Not a bug, it’s a feature
I’m not a leech or a lecher
Touch is holy; I’m a preacher
A reacher
Let me lead her
On a path under the bleachers

A gentle caress
More, not less
I must confess
I want to undress
You from that sundress
That is unless
It causes duress

Because at the end of the day, I just want to play
To dance, to sway
To lay in golden glimpses of ego eclipses
To live on the edge of ellipsis...

If our lips touch then I may combust
A price worth paying for your trust
To let me in, to let me hold you
Is more special than I ever told you
Thank you for reading! If you would like to read more poetry and writing, please follow me on Medium: https://medium.com/words-ideas-thoughts
Derrick Jones Oct 2024
I enter into the world like a spinning leaf
You feel me, you sense me, I require no belief


I am the wind blowing through the trees
I am the laughter spilling forth with ease
I am the heartbreak that brings you to your knees
I am the sweet, salty call to the seas


I am the power in your hands
I am the weight of life’s demands
I am the shifting, spilling sands
I am the falling star that never lands

I know not what it takes for endless thirst to slake
Forever hungry for another bite to take
Yet, if you can find the means for meaning to make
You may one day find yourself awake
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