kissing you was like swerving into oncoming traffic

i can never tell if i am more haunted by empty picture frames or the ashes of their contents

you taught me that the saying "pick your battles" meant not answering when love was at the door

sometimes when i drink whiskey i swear i can hear your voice in the creases of my bedsheets & i sleep on the floor

i still catch myself running my hands over things you touched the most, looking for the echoes of your fingertips

i practice things i'll never say to you

i remember the day you told me you didn't like poetry, how "everything's already been said" & how "nothing meaningful can be captured without being cliche" you know, i don't miss you like the sun and moon, i do not miss you like tide bent waves crashing on the shoreline, i miss you like a chernobyl  swingset misses children

rumor has it that drowning is a lot like coming home, that drinking bleach can **** the butterflies in your stomach

for your love of cigarettes, i would have been an ashtray

this halloween i want to dress up as the you when you loved yourself and show up on your doorstep

i never understood what you meant when you said i was an instrument, back when you would cup your hands around my chest and breathe through the holes in my heart, i still wonder if the sounds i made remind you of wind chimes

i never paid much attention to abandoned buildings until i became one

in my dreams all the flowers smell like your perfume

i am the only person who has ever wished for the same snowflake to fall twice

if i could go back, and rewrite the definition of audacity, it would be how when we lost the bet of love, you said "we never shook on it"

i love you, if the feeling is not mutual, please pretend this was a poem

the only apology i want from you, is to have you repeat the names of children we will never have in your parents living room until they *****

we are the same person if you find yourself up at 4am dry heaving promises, or if you are kept awake by the laughter of those who've abandoned you

nobody ever told you that goodbyes taste like the back of stamps

sometimes i'm convinced that the only reason we hug, is so you can check my back for exit wounds

I dreamed about you again last night,
and I swear I could practically feel your warm breath on my neck.
Your arms were wrapped tightly around my waist,
like you were afraid I might slip away during the night.
As you slowly opened your eyes,
I imagined your sleepy eyed gaze on me,
making my stomach do a little flip,
because I don't think I will ever get used to waking up next to you,
and the easy tilt of your grin as you move in closer ...
and then each time I wake up,
and I remember:
you're there and
I'm
here

I'm going down, so absolve me of all my sins
I'm going down, for the losses I've taken to win

You gave up what you wanted
Had to measure up to someone else.
A backward glance shows they've gone away,
Now all you've got is yourself.
Now there's no laughter to fill the silence,
No one left to boss around.
You got caught up in the game,
You're just another face in the crowd.
Because you climbed the ladder,
But you couldn't reach above the skies.
Living and being alive aren't the same;
It's certain that everyone dies.

The water drips from the faucet
And echoes down the vacant halls.
And all the mirrors smile grimly,
At frozen phantoms on the walls.
Deadened is what brought you here,
So alive is your conscience.
You had it, your mind was so clear,
So name your next best option.
Money, power, glory--every word survives,
By the very use and definition.
They tried to warn you all along,
But you were too **** busy to listen.

Is this what you stood for,
Was this for which you fought?
To give up who watched you grow up,
To scoff at their miniscule thoughts?
You know you make a **** good life of trying,
Of successively succeeding.
But crude ambition is blinding,
As much relentless as it is misleading.
Dare to dream, but don't dare too far,
Always remember, don't forget who you are.
You're never good enough to leave it behind,
But always good enough to redeem your heart.

I'm going down, so absolve me of all my sins
I'm going down, for the losses I've taken to win

There is no difference between,
A gun and a pen.