He's chasing a myth,
hunting down a version
of her that doesn't exist.
She knows because when
he lays his tired bones
next to hers,
his "I love you"
is only meant for half of her

I perched on my rock and beckoned him,
filling my lungs with sea air and
exhaling words that tasted sweet.
I watched his ship as it slowed,
and I saw his men corral to the rails,
clawing and calling and cursing
at me.

He approached the rail
with tearful eyes,
and a discontented heart
that I sang so softly to soothe.
As he dove to the swelling sea
I stitched together a song of glory and romance and paradise
for his ears alone.

He swam toward me
across an ocean of desperation
that he had so avidly denied,
and louder I sang.
When he struggled and faltered
I promised him more with
the breath of my lungs and
the gleam of my eyes,
I cheered my sailor on.

Exhaustion filled his ears
so that he could not hear me,
the ocean surged to fill his lungs,
and I swam to save my love.
I dove and I cradled and I carried
and I laid him down upon the sand.
A caress of his cheek and all he could say
was, "Sing for me, please".

I laid on the sand and comforted him,
filling my lungs with sea air
and exhaling words that tasted sweet.
I watched his chest as it slowed,
and in the distance I saw his men corral to the rails,
clawing and calling and cursing
at me.

He approached his end
with tearful eyes
and a broken heart
that I sang so softly to soothe.
And as he dove into the afterlife
I stitched together a song of glory and romance and paradise
for his ears alone.

He swam away from me,
across an ocean of ethereal waves
that he so avidly defied,
and louder I sang.
When he struggled and faltered
I promised him more with
the heave of my lungs and
the glint of tears in my eyes,
I coaxed my sailor on.

Death filled his ears
so that he could not hear me,
the ocean surged with his stolen breath,
And I sang to quiet my love.
I cried and I held and I mourned
and I laid myself down upon the sand.
A caress of his cheek and all I could say was,
"Wait for me, please."

We melted together in the night
                                    the dawn
                                    the quiet.
We held and kissed and loved
                                    and touched
                                    and whispered.
And then he left
                       sneaked
                       tip-toed,
                       left me to conceal
                                         hide
                                         clean
our night of passion
off the floor.

His love confuses me,
it came on fast
and hit me hard
so that I'm left spinning.
He took me in his arms
and practiced Russian
by whispering sweet nothings
until all hours of the morning,
until his lips could do nothing
but kiss mine.
He took me dancing,
and tangoed with me
until dusk,
until his hips could do nothing
but dig into mine.
He loved me over time,
in ebbs and flows
like the sea loves the sand,
until he couldn't help
but fall into my tide.
And now he's away,
he'll always be "away",
today Bloomington,
tomorrow Berlin.
And now I'm aching,
I'll always be aching,
today for Indiana,
tomorrow for Germany.

Dance with me,
my soul cannot be still
around *you.

i stood on his shores
and marveled at
the thunder and roar
he made when he broke
against the sand.
he drew me in
with a shade of blue
i'd never seen before.
and it was only when
i felt him pull me in
that i remembered,
i don't know how to swim.

i write about him
so much
because i keep hoping
that he'll finally
let them in,
let them love him
comfort him
transform him
into the person
i'm actually writing about

i pour my soul
into him
but he's so broken
that it seeps out
the other  side
and we're both
left completely
empty.

it's petrifying
to think that
the qualities
that drew you
to my bed
will be
the ones
to push
you out.

on a late night
you filled his mind with thoughts of us
and told his mouth that they should be shared

so you didn't just fill his mind
you filled mine,
with hidden away things
brought out only by wine
and sad movies

now we both have full minds
slurred speech
wanting hearts
and a problem.

It was the time when
                                     you drunk called me
"Just to hear your voice"
              that I noticed you.
It was the time when
                                     we skipped class to lay in bed on that rainy day
"Just to be alone with you"
               that I liked you.
It was the time when
                                     we went grocery shopping & ate dinner in our underwear
"Just to play house with you"
                that I loved you.
It was the time when
                                     we sat in the car & we cried & I begged you
"Just to love me too"
                 that I lost you

How strange it is...

to have one man star in your dreams,
and wake up next to another...

to have already slept in those cold apathetic arms and left them outstretched,
yet they are the ones that reach out from the gossamer void...

to have been shown love and warmth and awake next to him gladly,
but still feel the chill of the night inside your mind...

how strange it is...

to have control of your life back,
yet not control of your dreams...

i'd never felt such
cold hands
grab hold of my heart before,
and i'd never known it could
shatter into so many pieces.
            and i'd also never seen a
            sweeter man come along and
cut his perfect hands to shreds
             by picking up the pieces
and putting my heart back together again,
             *just
             to
             watch
              it
              beat

i've been everything from a pessimist to
      a mess
a protector
       a liar
a learner
       a sinner
a provider
        a drinker
a lover
         an enabler
a care-taker
          a crier
a hard-worker
an optimist,
all molded into one to make me
                        **a human

I listened to his heart beat
night after night.
I felt it beneath my ear
my hand
my lips.
I traced it and cherished it.
I even tucked my own away
inside it...

Few things hurt more
than the realization
that it doesn't beat for me
like mine does for him.

her heart beat too fast for him,
too hard and too loud.
he loved to dance to her rhythm,
but his arms could not hold
onto her for long,
could not stand the wildness
radiating from within her.
so she held her breath,
she rejoiced less and was quiet.
her bounding heart slowed to
a whisper
and quickened only when
beheld by him.
she missed the feeling of life
in her chest always,
and soon she herself
became a whisper,
enveloped in the cool silence
of his arms
where she slowly turns
instead of dances.

In the night,
I saw his mind
bury him in a
dark place.
        A place that none
        of my kisses or whispers
        could pull him out of.
Yet all my heart
could say was,
*"My lover,
come back to
my arms."

First off,
unshaved legs, rumbling stomach.
worn underwear, shot elastic.
nervous hands, sweaty palms.
calming touch from him.
uneven *******, slight embarrassment.
chapped lips, overcompensating Carmex.
stuffed nose, whistle breathing.
soft kiss from him.
nervous hands become slowly confident
unsure hips begin to sway
passionate kiss from him.
whispered words, anxious thoughts.
calming touch from  her.
arms holding, bodies contouring.
"let's just lie together".
pattered raindrops, perfect bed.
promises made, kisses given.
lazy caresses, staring gazes.
almost first time.

he doesn't know it
but when i lay in his bed
my mind is stringing together
adjectives and airy phrases,
trying unsuccessfully to
pin down the emotions
he breathes into me.

he doesn't know it
but when i kiss his skin,
i imagine my lips
peppering his chest
neck and arms with
ink stains that morph
into words like "lover"
and "darling".

he doesn't know it
but the smile he shares
with me under the covers
is pressed firmly
into the corners
of my heart,
begging to be immortalized
in words.

My lover is
     strong, kind and tender,
but when he held me in his arms
he confessed that he felt
                                          less of a man
because we were clothed only in
vulnerability
but hadn't known each other yet.
                   "Any other guy would jump at this opportunity" he said.
"But you're not any other guy,"
I said.
"And that's why I'm laying here"

Bones forgot the pull,
the tug and the grimace
that happens
when someone burrows
between the lungs to live.
Bones forgot the burn and sting
that heart feels when it stops,
when it jumps to throat, skips.
Body forgot that emotions
meant brain AND heart,
eyes, tongue and lips.
Girl forgot that boy
could kiss and make
her forget
all that was forgotten.

Lay your weathered bones down beside mine
over under around alongside mine.
Trace your name across my collarbone
in whispered kisses.
Darling, tell me,
*'I am yours'