You keep me sane, but only when I'm in your arms.
I know you could never have given me what I needed, but I still yearn for you; through my every waking moment and even in my dreams.
Oh God, especially in my dreams.
I wish I could tell you these things, but I sit here; writing it all down, in hopes that one day you'll find this and know it's about you. Maybe you'll finally realize how much I loved you.  Maybe you'll realize that while you were claiming temporary residence in someone else's arms, you always had a permanent home in mine. You will always have a home in me. Even years from now, you will.

Your skin is sheet white,
And your mind carries scars.
Your hair isn't clean much,
Lungs black with tar.
You love to argue,
About how ****** up we are.
But I still love you.

Do you remember the first day we meet
Back then we were so free
I knew your name before I saw your face
I searched for you on the list
Found your desk over the mist
Walked over jut to say hi
But now all you're giving me is a goodbye
I thought it was just friendship
But it got closer and closer
And I felt that I was drifting from you
I faked a smile
Laughed at the jokes
Pretend that it doesn't matter when it bothered me so
I did it for you
Tried not to cry
Cause I knew you'd be happier with her than with I
And now I see
Friends come and go
Sometimes you just have to set them free

Falling asleep as i drown in sorrow.
Secretly wide awake trying to breathe a steady breath.
Confusion ensues as i start to dream.
As i am watching a play.
One with no plot, or real story.
Just random carousels spinning around and around.
Bouncing up and down as one follows another
It finally ends and suddenly its tomorrow.
Everyone scatters and i sit alone.
While this play starts over and over.
Time goes by.
An hour. A day. A month. a year.
Here we go again. Theatre fills up and im not the only one again.
They cheer as it ends and leave again.
I however just sit and stare.

Finally open my eyes 8 hrs later.
Even tho it felt like years.
I join the world as they did to me in my dream.
Working, eating,living.
I however
just sit and stare.

i very nearly was someone else
*permanently

You sat there waiting for me in the dingy cafe,
You had pills hidden in your purse,
I should have smelled the tainted smoke in your breath,
This is all it's actually worth.

My time I spend, each day I try
To fix up this messed up life,
While the pain never subsides.

I was waiting for you at one time,
I had believed in your sense of direction,
Your understanding and convictions,
All failed with but simple inspection.

My life I lead, this whine and your greed,
Pain in my heart with how you speak
Like you're the only one I ever truly need.

In the end I was looking for someone else,
They were lovely, beautiful and smart,
Kind to animals and fighting for causes.
You know why I stopped waiting on you?

*Because that isn't the least bit of what you are...

Inspiration sparks
It flows and bursts into flame
I am overcome.

This clock smokes a cigarette
     that tucks itself into my nest of a jaw
          acting as a memento of my most cherished flaw.
I can hear Fool's Paradise calling to me;
     it's hollow promises idle above me until I fail to remember
          whether this is a wedding or a funeral releasing it's doves to me.
You're a modern desolate suicide
     with your insides filled with fearful and uneasy pesticides.

I'm too exhausted to lose it.
     and too inferior to choose it.
and the restless clock stays awake impassively with your ballad
     like a phantom of my pallid heart which feels eternally invalid.
I pace past pit stops but I never eat
     when I've lasted this long already.
You're a modern romantic suicide
     with a heart that has hung itself out to dry.

Sometimes my heartbreak brakes,
     snarling as it painstakingly falters like the moon at daybreak;
          stumbling across a canvas to its haunted nest
               and sleeping beneath these ten-thousand lakes.  
I won't let the shine blast my shade.
I won't let the darkness begin to fade.
I won't let the sparkle ride my mind.
You're so rustic and piously unkind.

Paramour, you're not abandoned yet.
You're scrutinizing yourself and you're far too unfair.
You've got your crown all tangled up
     and I wish I could make you care.

No Paramour, you haven't been abandoned yet.
It doesn't matter all you've endured.
It doesn't matter all you've observed;
     sentimental daggers still seem to lacerate your brain.
I've acquired my fair share of knives,
     I'll guide you through the pain.
You're not abandoned.

So abandon me when you're not alone.
Let's abandon me so you're not alone.
Give me your fists because you're staggering.
Let me hold you still because you're staggering.