They aren't just scars.
They are the demons
I fought at 3 am.
They are my insecurities,
my deepest fears,
and my lonely nights.
They are the insults I have received and the
emotions I cant contain.
They are a part of me
and are what I have become.

like a stone you fell, stars on your lips,
out of the dark, like a bird carrying the sky.

i stretched towards you my soul singing
of meadow grasses and old ruins.

everything you touched became a flame,
joy burnt like a fever beneath your wings.

i ran to you, shadows drawing back
the night like a curtain.

oh, the echoes of a pounding heart, across hills,
across continents, you strided on the wind

until the sea shook out its sheets
and the leaf shivered on the branch.

the night settled its layers of black
into dark forests, rested against the glassy tide

and you were gone, you were gone,
lost to hair more fragrant than mine.

It's not the voices in the dark-
That scare me,
It's the voices inside my head-
That terrify me.
The shadows that prey upon
The walls of my home-
Are nothing compared to
The shadows that live among
The deepest recesses of my soul.
So no-
I'm not afraid of a haunted house,
Or a ghost.
I'm afraid of myself.
**And you should be too.

Turning any direction
Though knowing,
None do hold Avenue
Nor bliss, just reflections
Infrequent Glimpses of then
Familiar fragrances on the wind
Bitter recollections,
Irreconcilable differences,
Heartbreak,
Changes...
You, in every direction.
You echo over and over
From far away places
Forever which replay
Images of you,  from then
Such is memory
Easier these days
So far off those moments
That still surface
To be replaced sometime
Some day in the future.

My mind keeps pictures of you up on its walls
                            again
                         ­         and again
I find my thoughts drifting down that river of memory
orbiting around you, like forces of gravity drawn
to the idea of us (if there even is an us)

If I could then I’d lock you outside my brain, leave you out there to rot
in the abyss, where your words couldn't penetrate me
and your lips that work like anesthesia forbidden to numb me again

I won't do you the injustice of romanticizing your imperfections
You're no nebular, you're a black hole, a gaping flaw in creation
Your eyes that held millenniums of history, now hold me no future

You made me forget what it feels to have stability
To not walk out of a room and forget why I left
You make me want to shred the skin you touched
Like a reptile, to become reborn, purified from my past.

There never were any butterflies in your stomach, only parasites
but you fed them to me readily like a disease

So no, I won’t dedicate you another love poem
                 no I want (deserve) better
This isn't what love should be
I’ll write you a poem where the words convulse on the page
and you’ll forget to read it (you always do)

I'm stuck on a major highway
my life's all jammed up.
The wheels are turning, I'm not
moving so I'm just stuck.

My lights are flashing on and off
I'm trying to be cautious.
I want to get out of my car and run
away but I'm much too exhausted.

No matter how hard I've turn the
wheel I just cannot make it move.
I left home early this morning and I
sit now watching the nightly moon.

Getting to the point of how this day
has gone, it's really troubling me.
If there's something positive about this
day it hasn't been revealed for me to see.

We promised each other the world
As we clung to each other tightly,
Afraid that if we let go,
The other would crumble.

In the end,
I was the one who crumbled,
Not you.

Does five years mean nothing to you?
Five years,
Filled with crazy antics,
Bursts of laughter,
Tears from fears.

And now,
We are nothing.

I guess
I was the ******* in all of this.
Taking your insults
Like morsels of fulfillment.
Degrading me further and further,
But I took it all.
It was the only thing I knew how to.

I was forced away.
You moved on.
I stayed.
Still behind you, as always.
Waiting for the hurt to come,
But you left me.
And this is the most hurtful of all of the insults you've thrown at me.
I am nothing.

At least before,
I was something,
Someone worth thinking about to create spiteful ***** of words.
You threw insults like a game of baseball,
Pitching curveballs,
Speedballs,
Fastballs constantly,
Never stopping,
Inventing new ways to throw the baseball,
Each and everyone hitting me harder to the point that the bat did me no use anymore.
They just kept coming.
All I could do was stand and get hit,
Understand and take in everything you threw.
Harder,
Faster,
More
Each and every time.

Then others came around,
Rocking my world,
Showing me what love actually is,
Not all the **** you gave me,
I wouldn't let go.

Now I'm back.
I've caught up to you,
But you've turned your back to me,
And continued down your path.
Leaving me to stand alone at this fork in my road.

...
Guess I was the only one that cared those five years.
Guess it was all a game, huh?
...
I miss you.