It was the vessel  of thought it bled
Like wine from my fingertips,  scratching
Upon ****** white it did bleed.

It was consummated never to be as
It was before deflowered from white
To shades of thought.

It penetrated deep and pain was spelled out.  
It felt ***** used as it was like others just pushed
To the side scrunched up like yesterdays news
Paper then thrown away.

Thoughts not worthy, just lying naked in the
Bin for all to see. just laying there still, *****
Like tears of ink had spilled over the page.

the rain drops still dripping from the early morning rain
the air conditioner right next my head that lies upon a pillow
the sound of the t.v drowned out but you can still dimly hear the voices cackling and cheering for the late nite t.v show host
and there lies my body in between all of this as i try to sleep
as my mind runs through so many things
thinking about everything, the past, the future, the present.
all of the noises come back as i just try to rest but i cant
life has got me by the claws and wont let go
but that's okay
at least something hasn't let go of me yet

Memories fade as the seasons change,
and as the year is almost over,
I still remember everything about you.

''just one more turn mommy!''
but we all only get one turn on this merry go round...
this torturous device spinning for what may seem like a small time but is really eternity.
the lights and music make it seem beautiful and distract you from the chipped paint and broken seat belt leaving you unconnected from the horse.
the kids cheering loving the show but you see the adults all craving for it to be over already.
our lives are all like merry go rounds.
it may be fun for now.
but eventually you'll get dizzy.
and everything will fade.
and you'll just be another horse on the merry go round with a broken seat belt,
waiting for an eager child to ride you.
and they'll be glimmering waiting for the adventure.
and you'll sit there being full of the knowledge of the ride and how it turns out.
but now you're just another horse.
and soon... everyone will just be a horse.

"Unfortunately, in reality, it doesn't really matter how you feel on the inside; it's what you project outwardly that has meaning. No one can look inside you. They cannot see or hear what you do not divulge. You are entirely in control of the way people perceive you.

Speaking and giving off of yourself is the most powerful mechanism you have in your hands. You can get the things you want and control your life simply by adjusting what's on the edifice.

You can be a ****** up wreck on the inside, but as long as you do not let this out, as long as it is not perceivable in your character, no one can know.  

In fact, to the contrary, you can, despite these feelings, build an image of confidence and power. This is what others come to know, and this becomes the shared reality."

You feel
the need
to fill
the need
to feel.

I look for you in
every song.