What have I become?
A person living in the shadows of life
****** into the vacuum of technology
Only to wait in line to be spit out into shreds,
Left in pieces on the ground.
The phone took my life and hid it in a case;
The key is somewhere far away,
But the closer I move to it
The further away it gets.
The pieces of my puzzle are no longer together,
Or they never were,
But as life goes on the pieces get harder to put together.
Coiled up in the corner,
I see my reflection.
It’s slowly dying each day I live,
For my soul is a delicate crystal, fragile,
But it appears strong like a lion hunting its prey.
I convinced myself to believe that everything wrong
Has been my fault.
That I ended up where I am now because of
The choices I made.
I chose to be a part of the secrets;
And I chose to be a part of the chaos;
And I chose to give up my friends for popularity,
But in the end I lost.
I ended up lower than I was
And with very few true friends, I stay.
If life was meant to be this hard
Than why don’t I see everyone else struggle?
Or is everyone like me,
Hiding their feelings in a locked cage underground.
I try to be brave
And I end up with no results.
I try to be bold
And I get put back down.
I try to pull myself out of the quicksand that I am in,
But I continue to suffocate at the bottom
Being used as a stepping stool allowing everyone out,
But me.
I've kept the secrets of many,
Ones that I’ll never tell.
But all of mine have been spread
By the people I've treated well.
I can’t change the past,
And it seems like I can’t change the course of the future.
I have been set on a path down a never ending hill,
One scare after another,
A long road of obstacles leading nowhere.
I've tried to forget.
And I've tried to flee
From the fear.
But I find myself even more near to the things that hurt me most.
If I had a dollar for every time I did something wrong
I would be in Italy with my private jet
Relaxing on the beach,
But I still wouldn’t be happy.
For no matter how many pairs of shoes I have
Or how many vacations I take,
Happiness is never found in the riches you make;
But it is always found in love.
At a point in my life
I even had my own happiness.
He was the only thing that comforted me while I was upset,
But after it got too serious, I broke my happiness
And I left him crushed in tiny pieces on the ground,
And the situation was unfixable.
But now I want my happiness back.
It’s sad to say, but I miss what I wanted to get rid of;
For I curse the man who said love was an easy thing
But of everything I have done wrong,
My biggest regret is having regrets at all.
(Inspired by Walt Whitman's "Song of Myself"