Each time
he opened up
she took a part of him
and kept it for a bullet

each time
he opened up
he waited ...
...expectantly

and was disappointed

but in the end
because it was the end
she opened up too

with every bullet
she'd saved

until his screams
burned remorse
in to her eyes..

She shaped as she
on top of that one mountain
carrying all waters of the world
with one of her infinite hands
on top of her head
under that night sky
an offering she was or it
to the moon

the carrier of half moon a copper plate
the lover the moon a reflection of herself
inspiring beauty as a shine
she could reach to the non condensed matter
of a planet where you and I come from
pure light of our home to refract the unseen
that could travel as fast as love
to awaken the rainbow
of our combined heart
a rainbow that could appear
on the world after rain

Rain was her true name
she meditated as her name
for you
as you wished for her
to inspire the smells of condensed fume
she evaporated under that moon

Next day
I guess on a Sunday
one day after a sunny bright cool day
I woke up
not opening my eyes
I knew
the sun would be behind the clouds
I knew unmoving how air felt
I did not know why
until questioning stopped
until my choice of unacceptance of
what is -
what I am -
what I created to be for that day -
gave up
for that was not an affordable weight
morning called instead
maybe a gift the greens said
as they got deeper darker in their greenness
to be praised by the clouds
settled as if they have always been  on these skies
they always do so arrogant
it’s their nature I say
they are as is required to be
I did not mind
and
it rained

and
it rained
and rained
and rained
and I knew
I was awake
and I knew
I rained
and rained
and rained
I rained
for you

I slip softly into my cave
as I gently vanish disappear

To my inside place
I explore like
outer space

Where I begin to light
the dark with a
fragile flickering candle

It is not long
before it all
becomes so very warm

As I rest in the
armchair of my heart
I start to hear
snap crackle and pop  

As I switch of the mind
releasing all that is tight
I enter the permanent night

But discover all turns to light
as the dark becomes a
permanent day

And as I tunnel into
my great mountain
a cave a distant quiet
world.

I start to feel the worlds
rains cannot touch me
and feel gold all around me.

With the world so far away
a glowing lamp rising
within me like flowers
bursts scents are spilling.  

And a hummingbird is
felt buzzing all around me
softly searching for
his sweet nectar.

How I love to return
to my sweet cave.

I can hear the endless sounds
of my soul bleeding
and down the drain it goes
and all that was right
is now wrong
until it disappears completely
that's what it is
living alone
in a nether
with no family
with the world chewing you
ever so slowly
and pushing you back
in a trashcan "not normal"
or box for "socially acceptable"
and so called friends
lurking in shadows
waiting for you to fall
so they can salvage what is left
and you are alone
alone and your legs broken
that will teach you not to stand
alone and you will never be "home"
with bleeding soul
and heart so cold
that it gives you shivers
out of touch
and out of control
lets write him off as "lost"

frailty falls upon terror
snowflakes banished from the sky
casualties from a hard forgotten war
still burns my retinas
their softness whispers as they melt
and find death upon my hardened skin
to soon unwritten,
but their love remains of no consequence
i fill my lungs with the fire that gave them life
failing to recall
the hope their tragedy no longer breathes
and lower my utterly spent weapon
weeping on torn, bleeding knees
realizing
there's
nobody left to listen
as i scream.

I'm a coward, I know this to be true.
All I do is run and hide from you.
Don't be mad, it's all okay.
I'm always here for you at the end of the day.

Everything is still the same,
We just have to make things a little bit more tame.
I just wanted you to know you'll always be my best friend,
Right down to the very end.
Even though things don't always turn out right,
There's always a chance of happiness at the end of the night.

I have an anger
but not deep inside
it boils on the surface
like a demon sunrise
violent in glory
defeated in joy
ignited by hatred
laughing I cry

Living on the hurting side of lonesome
Miles past anything called fair
Ain't no need to question my devotion
For the man I love, because all burdens I will bare
Where did you go when I just kissed your lips a few days ago?
Now it seems I'm just wasting time.
A hundred miles of empty road
Worn out heart and lies of gold
Feel like I could just lay down and die
A million miles on the other side of lonesome
Years past any kind of plan
A thousand sleepless nights away from pain and
All I know is I could drink an ocean
of whiskey drenched sorrow if I can't see him again.
I just covered a hundred miles
Think I'll sit here now and drink my fill
Yesterday's gone with the wind and
Tomorrow's on its way again
To bring what it will
I kiss the bottle when I should be kissing him....

do i look like a temporary replacement
or is it just written in subtle letters
in the spaces between my eyelids?

tell me if i talk too much.
i remember every word of endearment to be passed through
your lips. are they meaningless?
does "beautiful" slide off the tongue so easy, it has forgotten its own
meaning whenever you speak it?
does the word "amazing" leave a rancid taste in your mouth?
how many other places has it been? i'm sure it left an imprint on
the tongue of your ex lovers.

i'm sorry, i'm not usually so passive aggressive,
but i swear i can feel you leaving me and my insecurities to howl at a lonely moon.