Why can I not just leave?
Throwing back bottles of alabaster promises
and sinister ill reprieves.
Caught up in a net of conjugal visits
of past murders, one way drifters, pathetic liars and ***** little thieves.
I am enamored by the poison that
is preached by your careless mind
and heartless sting.
Behind these bars trapped like an animal,
I am all caged up and so please set me free.
Why can't you just walk away ?
instead throwing your insults, your fists
and your sorry *** two faced pleas.

I have become rusty stained, completely drained,
and drop dead vaned.
Gray padded walls enclosed, thrown back hard
with these silly blue pills of
the mentally insaned.
You abused me, bruised me, used me,
and fused me, even God can't
take away my heart felt pain.
Now, stop trying to drive me home
on your *******
mental, abusive, *******, *******
son of *****, crazy train

Can you hear that now?
I believe it is starting to downpour rain.
and I'll say it again to your face many more times
"You are so ******* vain!!"

You think you are better than I am,
with your big, bad, masculine look.
Well here is today's news flash for ya,
Mr. "I Think I Know It All"
"YOU ARE ACTUALLY MUCH MORE WORSE!!"
Oh and one more thing,
Just saying, For Realz,
You are all just one big mouth
with a lot of
"Blah, blah, blah
and
Curse, Curse, Curse"
So you can just go back
to your mommy's house
on the other side town
and steal from her poor, meager purse

I will not be silenced by your idle, childish threats,
your *****, abrasive words no longer scare me
nor will they break down my outer or inner bricks.
My life is not your gambling table,
your poker table,  or your dinner table,
I am no longer willing take on
that deadly life risk.
I will unveil the real mask
of your cruel, ugly world,
so no other can feel the real pain
of your broken, nimble fists.

Today, I fell into a medication nightmare,
because I don't know why, I really don't care
I DON'T GIVE A ****!!
But I did give a dare !

I lied to you about past aggressions,
deep recessions and loud obsessions.
These jagged little pills are in my possession.

I swallow them whole, one after another,
the red one, the blue one, sister or brother,
see you don't know me any more,
So just look away
and don't even bother

These pills are my family, my welcome mat.
They say "HI, how are you, would you like a drink with that?"
They greet me in the morning and kiss me before my evening nap!!

They take walks with me from the cup to the sink,
three minutes later, my mind stops to think,
I stumble around in lucid dreams,
and two seconds later, I dropped that drink.

Body numbed and pill jar emptied
This medication nightmare just reached out
and bit me.
I opened my eyes and could not see clearly,
and said to myself "What day is it, please?"

I want to pay homage
to the busted streets and broken cottages,
where everyday people are destroyed
with lies and filthy promises.

You see, these are my streets
that I walked with my feet,
Brothers and sisters,
graffiti tagged and full of disease.

This is the place where I broke bones,
Layed down sidewalks full of racial undertones,
With guns ablazing and
suicides growing old.

Gang signs tagged on every street corner,
did you hear the gun shot?
Stop!!!
Yellin' loud I tried to warn ya

Mama, why does it always have to be?
I lost another brother here by my feet.
I am filled with emotions
now gone with deceit

God, Please stop this pain that
flows inside my veins,
the agony, the injury, the silence
the insane.

I can't continue one more step,
this place I call my home
has turned into a wreck.
Lives are destroyed, twisted and upset.

So, look around.
This is my neighborhood.
This is where I belong.
With the busted up sidewalks, I stand strong.

We can not turn back time,
we can only help correct lives.
So let's turn the pages people
and unite not divide.

I was born of dust and bones,
to a battered mother across the pond.
With a warm *****
and gentle hand,
she would cradle me gently.

On a many days,
her eyes would melt tears
into my cotton wool blanket.
I felt her agony
seep through the simple
fabric of our bond.

The coward would stalk
her with his angry words,
Knowing she could not
leave him, because she
feared more bitter moments
of bruises

During the silent times,
her violent screams would turn
to whispers and lost time,
But she would always find a way
to cradle me in her arms.

As minutes turned to hours in the day,
I laid helpless in my crib.
A somber calm shadowed over me,
the feeling of my warmth was gone.
I wept but a single tear down
my rounded red cheek.

I could not cry anymore,
for I feared those angry words
and violent hands.
I laid in her whispers and lost time.
The cradle of her warm *****
and gentle hand were
no longer here.

Our winter nights as children
would find us lying next to the floor vent
of the heater, at most two of us at a time, in our old drafty house, just to stay warm.

Dad would line the windows
with plastic and stuff towels in
the cracks of the panes to
stop the cold air from coming through.

A few times, we only had
the heat of our oven to warm up the kitchen,
Several bedrooms were locked up
to conserve what heat we had,
dad would always drip water from the faucet
to keep the pipes from freezing

My parents couldn't afford much
in those days, not on a mechanic's wage,
and feeding a family of eight
Our warmth was what we had,
our bond in the winter months
It' was not much warmth, but it was ours.

Our walks to school were even colder,
bristling through the knee deep snow
in our second hand, Goodwill jackets
and two pairs of thin gloves and socks
to keep our fingers and toes from freezing.

Every morning, my mom would prepare us
either a hot, steeping bowl of oatmeal
or cream of wheat, the smell of dad's military
coffee lingered throughout the house,
long after he left for work.

It was those mornings, I remembered most though,
those 6 am mornings, in a old, drafty house,
you could hear my dad shuffling the newspaper
just before my mom would knock on our bedroom doors to get us up

Its been a month of your passing,
I can still hear you rustle the newspaper
and I can still smell your burnt military coffee
every morning since and I still don't want
to get out of bed

We didn't have much warmth in that old, drafty house, but it was all ours.

Penniless drunk on the lonely streets of desire kissing the concrete columns of my "under the bridge" castle, keeping warm by the trash can fire, eating leftovers from the local Italian deli ... tattered suit of despair and sorrow ... a wee bit of a man

It's just a guise of human indulgence taking the air that I breathe for granted, even though it is laced with toxic chemicals that burn my lungs..I choke on life as I choke on this air ..hack hack

Both heart and mind are
shattered now that you are gone.
For I didn't get a chance to
say goodbye,
But I do have one question to ask of you,
Did it make you proud that I was your son?

Why do we have to cry a tear?
Sadness
Poverty
Hunger
Time

We bring the feelings to incite our minds

NONSENSE

Why do we have to instill the fear?
Rage
Anger
Attitude
Control

We bring the fist to bruise our hearts

NONSENSE

Why do we have to curse our brothers and sisters?
Bullying
Disrespect
Abuse
Cowardess

We bring the words to hurt ourselves

NONSENSE

Why do we have to break the world?
Shootings
Suicide bombers
Work place violence
******

We bring the gun to silence the crowd

NONSENSE

Why can't we just get along

IT'S NOT NONSENSE, IT'S LIFE