In my dream I went missing
Everyone went looking for me
Without a trace I had vanished
No last words or letters ever written
Leaving parts of my presence
But no one ever got a clue of my feelings
There was no reason for them to believe
For I was there for everyone
Listening to every word they had to say
Giving them solace when things went wrong
No one ever heard my story
For I never had a chance to narrate
I went missing, with all my poems and stories
Within them I was living my life
Making the changes with the pen I had
Then suddenly the ink ran dry
I had gone too far, with my manuscripts
No one will ever read my writings
In my dream someone came asking, “Where are you from?”
I could not talk and did not have a language
I handed over the manuscripts
To read out my writings
Suddenly I woke up
And to a new day
Now the dream is behind me
Another day waits in anticipation

how I will die what for and how
will it be for a cause or just burnt out?
in the darkness alone or with love
around me. Will I cry out my last pleas, to Jesus?
Will I overdose
or quick be gone by a bullet to my head
or an aneurysm?
Suffer with tumors or cling in a coma?
Destiny is dying.
I will, if given a chance, gladly die for
some young soul or a dog or rat or a cat or a flea
if I died for another.
I would die for thee.

a knot
a catch
a thread around
you
dangling
floundering
breathe halting
did
I ever
tell you
I
loved you,
so,
how did
it ever get
so bad?
Fell
from the chair
to never
say again,
I love you, too.
Oh God,
why?

I add up all the plusses
subtract the middle fingers
divide by you and me
   and decide it does not matter.

I left you a note
Hidden away
No chance of finding
There to decay

It was my adieu
A tragic ending
To my darling, my love
I bid you farewell

They'll all suppose
It was an unexpected flee
But I hope you see
And understand

T'was never unexpected
Only concealed
At the back of our minds
Calling but left **unanswered

Intellect sores, bountifully, higher then God
Nefariously bottomless, I fall then Hell
Eventfully, ill angels impel my ascend to Heaven
Fiendish demons walk me back
As I depress, I depress beyond saving
As I advance, I advance beyond saving  
The Devil, nor God can believe what I've become
I can't escape this
I am fastened in this blending line
And in between the insidious two, I am willingly blind
Hell and Heaven are consolidating
If the ill angels in Heaven
Are like the demons too
Heaven is the worst of the two

I think I'm faking it
Faking orgasums
Faking feelings
Faking being a good person
Why do I feel so fake?
I feel so confusing
I confuse even myself
Especially when I confess my fate to my heart
My heart still hopes, and I'm trying
Oh, so trying so hard to break it and grind it into dust
I feel fake
Everytime I don't say what I really think
I know how my words would crush hearts on the verge of tears
And I care enough not to let good hearts cry because of me
I still feel fake, I feel trapped, unfree
17 years a slave to society and counting
I wish I could run away, disappear
*But like a slave, I'm still bound in chains

I don't understand you and how you've managed to scoop up every last bit of my being and sign it with your name in permanent ink, it's like I'm your property, like I'm something you bought years ago and used to love but now you just leave me to rest on a your shelf of forgotten toys and treasures. I still love you and I shouldn't but I do because at the end of the day you're the only one I think I ever did love. I loathe you for making me love you because it isn't fair for you to make me feel like I'm all you've ever dreamed about and then as dawn fades to dust I'm a huge mound of nothingness to you. I wish I could stop feeling this way but I still want to be yours like I was back then

Words that form, have no meaning.
The truth I speak,
Isn't the truth.
Alone in this new life of mine,
Imprisoned in this cage built by my own hands.
The directions are a blur,
As my feet step on thorns.
I lament my fall, I cry out in despair.
A song bereft of word or rhyme.
Falling to oblivion that lures me in,
Promising happiness like a lullaby.
Fallen.
*Promise.