i try and try
and all i get is
accusations

i cannot live your life
for you

but i can live my life by principles,
even if you disagree with my path

When you fade then die
I promise to take you
take you to
the most wonderful place on earth
and in this secret place of dreams
I mean to give you my life force

Then when the sun cries morning
I mean to beat the hell out of fate
for it has been cruel to you
and nearly destroyed me
so I promise my sweet brother
to take you to the most wonderful place on earth
for I love you too much
and can't let you go

By Christos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris

Food trucks make me nervous
Trying new things makes me nervous
looking people in the eyes makes me nervous
eating in front of people makes me nervous
noises at night make me nervous
the dark
the silence
being alone
being in crowded spaces
open landscapes
tight constraints
freedom
dogs barking
cats hissing
one on one conversations
large group situations
getting help
the thought of staying like this
dying
staying alive
Me
I make myself nervous
but I can't help it

Sometimes he let his eyes rest on hers, it needn't have been painful,
but it strangely was.
He broke a lifetime of avoiding eye contact to show her.
She was worth overcoming obstacles for.

I'm a ******
I don't do drugs or drink
my only flaw is how much I think
I don't believe in God but I believe in me
And I don't know where I belong on my family tree

I don't propose that **** is based on a girl's clothes
I suppose I'm dumb or brilliant but who really knows
You could say that I'm narcissistic or have low self-esteem
with a girlfriend with a pocketless pocket and a head full of dreams

Whoa that didn't flow, that last line
Imperfect effort seems to be an attribute of mine
Look at this rhyme scheme, it's so diverse
I guess I can get away with this; I couldn't get any worse
One favorite, three favorite, fifty-four
Give me validation, I could always use some more
Hello, Hellopoetry! You've been so forgiving
of my beautiful poetry that reflects an ugly way of living
Tell me, tell me: Should I write more?
What if my sadness is gone, and my melancholy no more?
Will you still love me if I write about crinkle-cut fries?

"****. No more suicide poems, does this kid still try?"

Is there still a Josh Haines if he no longer cries?
Is there still a Josh Haines if he doesn't wanna die?
Is there still a Josh Haines if he starts to fall?
Is there still a Josh Haines if he gets it all?
Is there still a Josh Haines after every kiss?
Is there still a Josh Haines after he writes all of this?

Eh. Maybe, baby. Maybe.

To feel like porcelain,
fragile and easy to break
is something I'm no stranger of

Now to feel like
stone,
solid and dense,
is something I know nothing of

But to feel like
oxygen,
impenetrable, flawless;
to be the air that fills your lungs
is all I aim to be

You'll hear a million excuses pass these lips,
Just know that they're all lies.

The truth is I'm just terrified.

Cloudy days,
Cloudy thoughts.
Cloudy messages you propose.

Cloudy raindrops,
Falling down.
You make no movement,
Make no sound.

A cloudy sky up above,
A sky of grey portrays your love.

Where are the sunny skies I yearn for.
Where is the sun.
For you, I thought you were the one, my love.
Though all you bring with you is the dark.

A sunny forecast up ahead,
When my days aren't spent with you.
All though all we knew was to live through the grey--
My love,
Sometimes we need to accept the truth.

I'm not weak, i just feel alot.
I'm not probing, i just observe a lot.
*I'm not a poet, i'm just a broken soul.

Just a little shadow boy always second place.
It doesn't even matter if you really won the race.

No one will ever believe you when you say that one day your going somewhere.
But I suppose the shock on their faces will make the victory twice as sweet when you finally get there.

So run on little shadow boy and no matter how hard it may seem.
Because at the end of the day this life is only a dream.

And just like that,
         He's back to square one
                Feeling a lowly sort of depressed
         He thought was over
Oh so long ago