It’s been a matter of years now,
Each day stretches out slowly,
But I feel like I met you yesterday.
I can recall your smell,
The shape of you has been etched into my heart.
Your imprint lasting forever in its spongy composition.
You’re the only one I loved.
You’re the only one I love.
You will forever be my love.
It’s painful to except it,
But you are.

Shame encircles me
It's a cloudy fog that blurs everything,
Making it harder to see reality
I run inside my mind and hide in a dream.

I am a master at romanticizing!
I might even avoid you to interact with a fantasy,
My mind likes to protect me by airbushing things,
even though what I want is to live authentically

Every moment that I'm not present
Is a lost opportunity to change my mindset.
I'm trying to push past my negative thoughts
and ground myself but I feel so stupid.

I want an identity.

I don't want to be helpess anymore,
It was easier, I'll no longer ignore-
How I always asked your thoughts,
How I vented and never stopped.

The things I regret now feel more real,
I wish we just could've hung out;
Been normal friends,
but I was afraid to be myself.

I learned to stay down and not get up,
I'd pace my room in fantasies
Until I learned to que up
Validation felt like a drug

But now what I regret most
Is not giving you a hug,
Spilling my every thought,
And betraying you

Now you're gone

drown me
and breathe life
into me again
i beg of you
bathe me
wash me from myself
swell
and break
into my skin
curl around me
and take me under

She was not the first pick for dodgeball,
Or football,
Or soccer,
Or tennis,
Nor was she the fastest,
Or strongest,
Or prettiest,
Or fittest,
But she was the nicest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
But at the end of the day,
That never mattered to you.
You wanted the most perfect,
And prettiest,
And fittest,
And fakest,
… Which wasn’t her. So why’d you do it? Was it a bet?
A dare?
A scam?
Or a lie?
Because now in hindsight,
You are that type of guy,
To go after the nicest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
To leave her broken, hopelessly devoted to you.
And once she’s rebuilt you’ll come back around,
Just to once again, try and knock her down.
And you knew she’s the nicest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
So you knew that she’d come back to you.
And she does, because she is the nicest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
And again, she’s left chasing the memory of you.
So again, she rebuilds, and throws out the
Terrible,
Horrible,
Manipulative, memory of you.
And she won’t let you come back.
Not because she isn’t the nicest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
But because now she is the smartest,
Most loyal,
Most kind and true,
Which at the end of the day, never mattered to you.
So chase your Barbies,
Be happy,
Find a love that’s true,
Because in time, the same thing will happen to you.