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your hand was a star
and begging me
to hold you
to feel your warmth
and let it seep into my fingertips
let it crawl up my veins
let golden heat flow up my arm
caress my collarbones
let it spill into my eyes
and make them flicker sunshine brown
let it stroke the crown of my head
twist around my hair
and weave in tiny daises
that smell like rain
and your shirt
and alcohol
let it make me dizzy
dizzy enough to grip your hand a bit harder
and start the cycle again
a single twinkling cello string
echoes through the night
or perhaps that is just the grasshoppers
with their orchestra of breezes and rattling leaves
the sky surrounds me
and only a thin cotton string
ties my floating body to the earth
my heavy heart a magnet to the warm dirt
the stars hum and reverberate
and my vision of the heavens ebbs and flows
like a roll of film with the pieces cut out
and only the moon remains sharp
as if it is only a hop and a skip from my eyes
as if just maybe
if i stretch my fingers far enough

i could reach out and touch nirvana.
I have a bad habit of only writing about the night sky
once there was a young princess
who was consumed with finding her love
she traveled far and wide to find him
scoured below and above

once there was a foolish princess
who gave her heart away
and received it back in pieces
when her love didn't stay

once there was a broken princess
who met a knight in the woods
and he made her laugh and smile and shout
for his soul was pure and good

once there was a young queen
who learned that love takes different shapes
and the loyal knight that bandaged her soul
showed her that friends can be soulmates
I think sometimes we forget that friendship can also be true love.
there is a quote from a movie i love
and it talks about being perfectly happy
the main character has completed her arc
she has finished her great journey
and now
she is perfectly happy

perfect happiness

i cannot claim i know of its existence
it might not live in my reality
i think that i am one of those people
who must venture out alone
and might never return
might never finish my journey
never reach perfect happiness
but perhaps i will reach fulfillment
and i think that would be good enough for me
good enough that I may be at peace
at last
the poets are up late at night
we love to see the stars
something is hidden in them we believe
and we spend forever looking upward
trying to find what we are missing
trying to find the last puzzle piece
trying to find
amid the velvet expanse of the night
i can see it now
you'll pick me up at the corner
just like you used to
and we'll drive down the coast
heading nowhere with no cares
and the salty pacific wind
will weave through our hair
and make you laugh the way you do
from the bottom of your chest to my smile
you'll play me songs you found
and stowed away for this moment
like tiny treasure boxes of gold
with "i love you" inscribed on the side

this is what i dream about
this is what gives me peace

i never thought i would miss it so much.
One of my closest friends used to drive me home after school almost every day, and we would always share new music we had with each other on these car rides. It was one of the only times we got to escape from life and just listen. Thinking about the day we can do that again is something that keeps me going. I hope you all find the thing that keeps you going as well :)
it's past midnight now
the house is silent except for the creaking wind
groaning softly through the rusted vent in my floor
the window is cracked open
i can never sleep with it closed
even though the frost bites at my toes
but i like to hear the sighing of the trees
and the cold reminds me that i exist
my headphones buzz the harmonies of strings
the sound will soon leak into my ears
and drown out my incessant overthinking
or so i wish
i close my eyes and hope that sleep will take me
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