when I’m sad, i try to think of things that make me happy;
like nice weather, or empty beaches.
i try not to think of you,
even though thats what makes me most happy,
because at the same time thats what makes me most sad.

when I’m happy i try to make it last.
i don’t get a happy that lasts very often, so i cherish it.
i try to remember the happy,
so
i remember you.
i know during these moments i should only be focusing on the good times,
but i focus on it all.
the good and the bad.

the bad makes me happy because it reminds me that there was a time
when we loved each other so much that we endured it.
like, going to the slaughterhouse only to come out fresh and clean.
and thats the thing about us,
even the bad days feel like good days in my memories.
i don’t know about you, but i miss those days the most.

when I’m missing you, i try not to.
i try to think of things that make me happy...
but then i can only think of you.
and then i get sad,
because i am only focusing on the past
when I’m really wishing it was all the present.

I’m really wishing that in this moment
i was talking to you
and we were making jokes about stupid things that no one else would understand
like we used to.
and we would say we loved each other.
and we would mean it.

when i used to think of you,
i would think happy days,
but now when i think of you,
i am only reminded of my sadness.
needless to say, i think of you a lot.

if i were to admit
that the reason I lose
countless hours of sleep
is because of you
would that be enough
to make you stay?