I thought I'd hit my lowest point,
that I had nowhere left to sink,
that the darkest place I could ever reach
was stuck within my finger-tips.

But I can see the light shining through
from behind fingers solidly stuck,
And I guess I didn't have much to loose
before I could build myself back up.

Before I fell,
Did you realize you had my life in your hands?
Or how it would feel to loose it?
Did you wish that you had stopped me?
wish that you had caught me
just
         before
                        I
                               fell?

You leave me spluttering,
dizzy, disorientated.
You came out of nowhere,
you took me by surprise.
I tried to stop you,
tried to smother you,
tried to cover you up,
but I couldn't breathe,
I couldn't speak, couldn't scream for help.
I was choking.
you made one thought consume my body;
'please just... stop.'
And eventually you did,
and I never want to see you again -
it's bad enough that I still have your mess to clean up.
I hate you,
I hate you like a nosebleed.

"what doesn't **** you makes you stronger."
Is that what you say?

So,
When I was lying in bed, covered in my own blood, choking on my despair. When it hurt too much to speak or eat because there was no skin left on my lips. When they were so messed up at school the next day that I had to lie to my friends, that I had to lie about the scars that I'd caused, the scars that I would tear off when I was upset, only to be replaced by deeper ones.
Does that sound *strong to you?

So,
When my arguments at home were so bad that my mother thought I hated her, that when I tried to apologise I broke down for fear of messing up and making things worse. When my father stormed into my room, finding me in tears and hyperventilating yet still screamed at me for making my mother cry. When I passed out, waking in my mothers arms on my bedroom floor with my sister and father having a screaming match. When everyone was crying but me because I was so far past crying that I couldn't breathe.
So you think that was strong?

So,
When my best-friend turned against me, jealous that I had known our shared friends longer, claiming that I hit and bullied her, that I abused and threatened her, leaving me friendless and alone in a class of people that I'd never thought to become closer to. When I was called to see the head teacher, confused and eager to look after someone I called my best-friend, but was accused of smashing her head against a brick wall and dragging her across the floor and I was too stunned to defend myself, and ended up having multiple panic attacks, and sat there blubbering like a fool, thinking that I was going to be expelled over my best-friend's lies.
Do you think I felt strong?

So next time you hear someone say,
"oh, well, what doesn't **** you makes you stronger!"
tell them,
to shut the hell up.

We fight.
We always fight.
And it always ends in me leaving,
Me yelling,
me slamming the door,
me crying.
And I hate that I'm so hard to deal with,
and I'm sorry...

I yell.
I always yell.
And it always ends up in you pleading,
you crying,
you apologising,
you shouting.
And I hate it when you cry,
and I'm sorry...

You try.
You always try.
And it always ends with us crying,
us hugging,
us forgiving
us talking.
And I hate that it takes so long for me to say;
*'I'm sorry.'

have you seen my skin?
my skin is rough and worn;
It's covered in scars from the pains of my past.
The skin on my knuckles are angry and red,
the skin on my lips is torn and chapped.
no-one notices my skin until it bleeds,
maybe that's not enough.
maybe I'm not enough...

But what's worse than my scars are the wounds of today,
pouring out beneath my skin.
no-one can see them,
but that doesn't mean that they're not there.
But no-one wants to see.
And no one wants to care.
No-one wants to take my hand and see my scars, my knuckles, my wounds, my lips and love my skin for what it is.
but no-one wants to touch my skin,
and no-one wants to look at my skin.

My skin is rough and worn and cold and scarred
but my skin is still beautiful.
Now do you see my skin?