Is there a reason why your heart gets broken?
Whether you saw it coming or not, nothing can brace you for the pain you will feel.
At times, you blame yourself for the pain thinking, "Why did I listen to my heart?"
You cry over someone who isn't worth your tears.
Your heart has been gullible, causing you to love and trust too easily.
And it's just sad when you become immune to the hurt.
Getting your heart broken is the downside to love.
The question is...
"Will you allow it to break you?"

I inked my skin with your name,
As you swore you wouldn't play the game,
Russian roulette,
As good as you could get,
But there was someone who was better yet.

Spin the bottle,
Load up the gun,
And tell yourself  it's only a bit of fun.

The future can't be real,
If the deal is not sealed,
A debt you will pay,
For playing this game.

Spinning,
Spinning,
Round and round,
It lands on you as you bow your head to the ground.

Pick up the gun,
It's no longer fun,
Death is calling,
You're slowly falling.

Bang,
The shot was perfect,
Right through your skull,
As if It was worth it.

You fell to the floor,
I ran out of the door,
Never to return to our place we called "home".

It wasn't a game of roulette,
It was our series of events,
You killed yourself,
Due to the sadness that you felt.

So this is my spin on things,
I'll pour a glass and admit my sins,
Before I join in,
With your game of Russian roulette.

why is it at 3 a.m with the weight of the world on my shoulders,
My lip quivering in beat with my heart do I find it impossible to allow myself even a single tear to dot my cheeks,
Could it be my never ending cycle of forcing myself to be okay even if everything around me is in ashes,
Or could it be the embarrassment of being weak even though the only soul to know I shed that tear would be the one that's ripped to shreds inside me

I won't cry about you.
I won't write about you.
And maybe you won't exist.

Bleeding is my heart
Restless are my pulses
Torn apart are my veins
Broken is my heart

My poor soul
Longing for peace
My empty mind
Longing for answers
My hurting wounds
Longing to be healed

Yet,  It's about time
No words for me
For the abundance
Of tears tells my feelings
And the sad face
Is my inner part
Goodbyes were never
My favourite part of
Of the chapter

Missing you already

Ink on paper is not enough
Neither will articulation
I'd end up making everything minuscule
Showing only a glimpse of my true colours
In fear of you noticing how am really feeling
But in this very moment I could care less
If a stranger asked I would let it all out
How you and yours broke me
I thought you were different though
Doubted it still
But believed it yet
Unlike theirs yours was a slow snithe
Nearly harmless and mild from afar but
Brutal and heart throbbing up close
Most of them meant nothing to me
You meant everything to me
From their unfarthomable cruelty I got stony broke
But yours' sin is of ommission
Those words you forgot to say
The actions you held back
Though you didn't do anything
The pain surpases that of a wrist slit open from one end to the next
It goes deeper than that of an up close bullet shot from a .44 calibre
I feel it stronger than the breaking of a pure ******
I know how it feels not
But I swear
Labour pains got nothing on this feeling
I remember the first time I got broken
I was only a little girl
It didn't hurt much then
I didn't understand much anyway
And I loved him not
Another stranger came sometime after
I wasn't that broken then
He picked the largest intact piece
Shoke me till I choked
On my guts
He let go and I dropped
And yet again I broke
3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th time
They kept coming
And everytime
I was left in more pieces than the last
And everytime the pieces got smaller and smaller
Around the time I met you,
They were invisible to the naked eye
You probably don't know this
But you put them together
I wasn't picture perfect
But atleast I had all of me in one place
In total silence and reservation
I watched you
You loved me right
Queen status you gave me
Like I was a priceless pearl you would look at me
Held me with reverence beyond that of a glass
With a passion so strong you'd kiss my forehead
Aligned all you words in perfect motion always,
Always careful not to touch me otherwise
I should have suspected then
No one is that perfect
Yet still
I doubted you not
I really have no one to blame
It was I who gave you my hand
I openend my heart
All of my trust I gave you
Closed all pores for dissapointment
Blinded both eyes
You led me on
And like a fool I followed
As if that wasn't enough
At the very end I gave you a knife
A weapon for my own destruction
And with my hands I covered yours,
Carefully aligned my left breast
Looked deep into your eyes
Slowly we directed the knife straight into my heart
I hugged you tight
Pushed myself straight into your hands
So we be careful not to miss
Yet still
I don't want to believe you Azrael
I still hope that you be Michael
If you broke me yet again
Am afraid it will be my last
I look around and I see your kind
Huge teethed monsters
Read to gnash
Anticipating anacondas
Ready to swallow
Humongous dinosaurs
Ready to crush
Then I stare back at you
I know yall are one kind but
Still I hope
That your kindness be kinder
Though you take their form sometimes
Other times you are good
A bitter sweet irony
Its like constantly going back to an abusive lover
The pain yet the familiarity
I really don't know which you is going to win
Ultimately
The bad or the good?
But I pray it happen soon
Because my hope has reached just the end
And am that kinda person
Most patient
But when I decide finally to care not,
The blink of an eye
Is a duration ample

it tears me to pieces.
it literally ***** the life out of me.
 i am already so broken; having to forget another person i love? that will destroy me. 

she said ; the next one you open up too will have to pay for that. 
 you cannot fully forget; you distract yourself from thinking. you distract yourself to keep yourself sane. 

I am on this path of destruction and it is fueled by sadness.
   soon there will be nothing left of me. 
   that scares me. a lot.

They say sticks and stones may break my bones,
But words will never hurt me,
Yet it's words that Pierce through the skin faster than any weapon,
Your sticks and stones may break me,
Yet the pain of that can fade away,
But a single word can cause pain for eternity,
A Pain that we never forget,
A pain that forever haunts us in our sleep,
It's like a wound  that never scars,
It just keeps open as a reminder,
A reminder of the day when we realized
Our hearts can be damaged,

You are the dead air after the joke my friends don't get.
I hear your laugh in the spaces between my family's oblivion and my sanity,
the crevices of pointless conversations.
You are an envelope with no return address.
You are the first person I want to tell about my day.
When my dad asks me how school was, I can only think of how you knew never to ask me that.
They say the nights are hard when no ones in your bed,
but what about when you spend your day in bed because you can't bear another day of activities that don't involve them?
I don't miss you only at 2 am.
I feel the sting of you in the night but you burn me in the afternoons with even greater intensity.
I prefer to be alone because then I only see your smile embedded in my walls rather than the lack of it on everyone else's face.
You are the silence after Wonderwall ends,
you are the lack of " I want to write something like that one day".
I am reminded of you when the girl next to me at a Fall Out Boy concert is sitting on her phone. I know you would scream every lyric with me.
I think that's what hurts, the knowing, especially of the things you aren't here for.
When I cry to "I'm like a lawyer" it's because I will never hear your voice sing it again.
So no, I do not miss you at 2am.
I miss you at 2 pm when I realize that everything I am doing now will never again be done with you