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  Jun 2016 Rabby Rantong
Midnight Rain
i loved you like a secret
hidden and hushed.

like a hastily shoved, tear-stained
photograph left
in the bind of an unread book.

or like a box of memories stacked high
in my mind.
the one that i'd open only once or twice in a year
and let my words wander
the traces of their tears.

my love was like a book
on shelf where thousands were written.
it was a crammed manuscript resting in a space between
dark cherry wood
and a green spined novel.

my love was a secret that i never
spoke to anyone about,
not even myself.

every time my heart flickered awake
with a question of you,
i would drown its voice in a hurried rush,
with my eyes darting from one corner
of my mind to the next.

because i know the very
second i let it speak,
my thoughts will travel around you
aimlessly lost
and without direction.

and the end result
will forever leave me in tears.

i loved you like a secret,
hidden and hushed.
and this
secret will find no escape from my heartbeats,
even when these heartbeats
cease to exist.
I’m a cliché.
I’m a walking broken piece of glass,
insisting my glimmer is different
than all of the other fissures of society.
I seem to think there is something romantic
about living like I hate myself.
I am not only comfortable with being unhealthy,
I welcome it with kisses and perfume.
Rabby Rantong Sep 2015
My heart falls to pieces
I try to recall on the last time I saw you smile
But I can't
This pain overwhelms my thoughts
I wonder if you know
Just how much it hurts me
To see you hurting
You say you'r okay
But the windows of your soul tell me otherwise
I asked you a question the other day
I know it sounded far fetched but,
I mearnt every word
Your only response was tears
A cord deep inside my soul they struck
And still I await your response
I wish I didn't leave now,
Not now when you need me most
But I pray you understand
Am better off away
I can't stand seeing you broken
You have always been my strength
Am not used to your tears
Am clueless on how to handle you
When you hurt, I cry
When you cry, my soul leaves me
So you see,
Am better off away
Though my heart still throbs with pain unbearable
And though my eyes long to see you
And my nose to inhale your sweet scent
And my hands ache to hold you
Am still better off away
I know I promised to ever be by your side
But now am going away
Though good reasons I gave,
Its still a promise broken
For that Am Sorry
Am sorry that am being selfish
Am Sorry for leaving you at your very lowest
Am Sorry for saying Am Sorry
Knowing it doesn't help
And Am Sorry that when you hurt it pains me more than you
I don't know why it does
But I promise to learn to hurt less when am away
I pray that I keep that promise
So I come back to you
To help you heal
To help you smile
And forever be by your side
Rabby Rantong Sep 2015
Ink on paper is not enough
Neither will articulation
I'd end up making everything minuscule
Showing only a glimpse of my true colours
In fear of you noticing how am really feeling
But in this very moment I could care less
If a stranger asked I would let it all out
How you and yours broke me
I thought you were different though
Doubted it still
But believed it yet
Unlike theirs yours was a slow snithe
Nearly harmless and mild from afar but
Brutal and heart throbbing up close
Most of them meant nothing to me
You meant everything to me
From their unfarthomable cruelty I got stony broke
But yours' sin is of ommission
Those words you forgot to say
The actions you held back
Though you didn't do anything
The pain surpases that of a wrist slit open from one end to the next
It goes deeper than that of an up close bullet shot from a .44 calibre
I feel it stronger than the breaking of a pure ******
I know how it feels not
But I swear
Labour pains got nothing on this feeling
I remember the first time I got broken
I was only a little girl
It didn't hurt much then
I didn't understand much anyway
And I loved him not
Another stranger came sometime after
I wasn't that broken then
He picked the largest intact piece
Shoke me till I choked
On my guts
He let go and I dropped
And yet again I broke
3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th time
They kept coming
And everytime
I was left in more pieces than the last
And everytime the pieces got smaller and smaller
Around the time I met you,
They were invisible to the naked eye
You probably don't know this
But you put them together
I wasn't picture perfect
But atleast I had all of me in one place
In total silence and reservation
I watched you
You loved me right
Queen status you gave me
Like I was a priceless pearl you would look at me
Held me with reverence beyond that of a glass
With a passion so strong you'd kiss my forehead
Aligned all you words in perfect motion always,
Always careful not to touch me otherwise
I should have suspected then
No one is that perfect
Yet still
I doubted you not
I really have no one to blame
It was I who gave you my hand
I openend my heart
All of my trust I gave you
Closed all pores for dissapointment
Blinded both eyes
You led me on
And like a fool I followed
As if that wasn't enough
At the very end I gave you a knife
A weapon for my own destruction
And with my hands I covered yours,
Carefully aligned my left breast
Looked deep into your eyes
Slowly we directed the knife straight into my heart
I hugged you tight
Pushed myself straight into your hands
So we be careful not to miss
Yet still
I don't want to believe you Azrael
I still hope that you be Michael
If you broke me yet again
Am afraid it will be my last
I look around and I see your kind
Huge teethed monsters
Read to gnash
Anticipating anacondas
Ready to swallow
Humongous dinosaurs
Ready to crush
Then I stare back at you
I know yall are one kind but
Still I hope
That your kindness be kinder
Though you take their form sometimes
Other times you are good
A bitter sweet irony
Its like constantly going back to an abusive lover
The pain yet the familiarity
I really don't know which you is going to win
The bad or the good?
But I pray it happen soon
Because my hope has reached just the end
And am that kinda person
Most patient
But when I decide finally to care not,
The blink of an eye
Is a duration ample

— The End —