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 Feb 2018
Graff1980
Once I was
a carefree breed
uncowed you see
by my society,

but I as I gained
sweet security
measured by
materiel wealth’s
so called maturity

the fear of losing
what little I had
confounded and
controlled me.

Once, I would have
given my last dollar
to any stranger
who was hungry,

I would have stopped
to comfort with kind words
anyone who seemed
bothered,

and whether going to
or coming home from work
I would have stopped
to help a stranded stranger.

Now, even though,
I know
these people
pose no danger
I do not stop
nor part
with any pennies.

Instead, I rush to work
and to the gym
to make money
and muscles
in hopes of
fitting in
by looking
buff but still
trim,
working towards
that **** thin.

Nose to the grindstone
focused on the job
and all the stresses
like keeping well dressed
and keeping my car running,

the once
kind carefree fellow
I used to be
becomes corrupt
by my insecurity
in the pursuit of
stability.
 Feb 2018
Tash Mckay
You claw across the room too me
Distorted in shadows you reach for me
I sweat
I shake
I'm gonna brake
You call so gently too me
Come my dear
You will rest with me,mentally you collect me,
This addiction is getting too me
I shake
I swear
I'm in dispair
I'm gonna break
I have too take
My heads so dark in this space
Embrace me it shouts
Just take me now
We will feel better
No black clouds
I take.

The guilt the blame the emptiness the same,
darkness came ,
I took painkillers
Just too feel better
No better I was
My addiction,
I have to really fight for me.

I will fight the fight too be drug free.

Just sometimes this fight is hard for me.
Being clean is hard I've been cleaned now a year but it's been a fight too get here . The things that go on in your head are mad. This is how I use too feel. I would argue with myself tell myself I needed this
But my mind is getting stronger I don't think
Pain killers is going too help.
dealing with real life will help me I no this now . I have better support now too .just wanted to get it out proper too me.
 Jan 2018
Graff1980
Hard stone skin
is slightly glittering,
temperature shifting
seasonally,
a place full of friends,
and literary kin.

Carnegie classic
home to the fantastic
collection.

Stairs to the entrance
and a black bannister
on which I slide
even though I was told
so many times
not to.

A sanctuary
from the abuse
a gateway
that I used
to escape my isolation
and find myself
enlightened and amused

friendly fictions
books well bound
my little safe space
in a redneck town.

Soon it will change.
They are not tearing it down
but building a better building
near the outskirts of town

But to Sarah, Kathy
Karen, and Tammy
whether you know it or not
you are my family
and though things change
as they always will
this was my home.
 Jan 2018
Samuel Louis
Sitting here alone, still feeling empty
An event occurs and a friend has left me
We parted with words that hurt my friend
He left with tears in his eyes and wounds to tend

Now I am far away and secluded
A friends trust has been polluted
With a wipe of the eye a bond is deceased
And with death came friends release

Now sitting around people I could care not for
It seems my life has taken a detour
He sent me away because he said he must
And as I did with me came my trust

He took our friendship which was just a seed
And beat it red, making it bleed
I sat head hung and I cried
He walked away, as I was swept away like the tide.
When I started dating a girl was had recently rejected one of my newer friends, he told the school about my drinking habits(at the time I was 17). I was suspended and sent home.... which was 4 hours away by plane! (boarding school). I wrote this in the airport waiting to catch my flight.
 Jan 2018
Dark Delusion
Everytime I try to think of someone else,
Everything just blurs and goes blank for a long time.
I’m beginning to lose my mind because of you.
You're driving my whole world insane.

You bought my heart for a thousand smiles.
You never left me to be forgotten.
I gave you my body, my everything.
And now you stole my mind.

I’m sticking needles inside my skin,
Just to forget you.
The nightmares are pretending to be you,
Pulling me deeper down.

The illusions, hallucinations.
They exist because of you,
Never leaving me alone.
Always drugging me,
Making me eager for your love.

They’re drinking my soul,
Feeding off of my negativity.
Pressuring me to think more,
Making me the petty victim here.

They’re forcing me to drink,
They’re getting me drunk from my habits.
They’re making homemade guilt,
Forcing it down my throat.

Making me delusional,
I can't see through right and wrong.
They want me to believe I did it,
And they know they’re gonna succes.

They’re inflicting damage to my reality,
They’re brainwashing me, ******* everything out.
They change me, they’ve changed me.
They’ve destroyed me.

You’re my only desire for freedom,
You’re my opportunity to get away from it all.
You’re the only one I would remember,
If my life should disappear.

I’m only a doll, a machine for a greedy heart.
I’m ill, im psychotic.
I see things, I hear things.
And I know it, but i still believe every single thing.

I never did see the murderous intent
Of the expression in my eyes.
I avoided mirrors to flee from the sickening thoughts.
But things stand clearer now.

You wanted to walk away,
So I caught you.
And broke open your body,
To devour your life. I wanted you all to myself,
I wanted to treasure you forever.

I exist because of you,
And now I endure responsibilities of my crazy mistake.
Nothing’s false, nothing’s true.
They’ve taken everything there is to take.
 Jan 2018
Cné
There's a key
      that unlocks rainbows
             that I keep within my heart.
It's a little "catch"
      within my chest
             where melancholy begins to start.
It unlocks walls,
      emotions hide behind
              (for my protection).
And it cracks the shell
      surrounding me,
              to give my soul direction.
Without this key,
      I'll always be
              a fire detachment smothers...
An empty vessel,
      self-absorbed...
              bereft of love for others.
But with it...
      ah...then life becomes
              a carousel of feelings.
A roller coaster
      ride of love
             with ups and downs revealing....
all the colors of the rainbow
       all the tastes,
                the sounds, the rhythms..
all the warmth of sacred lovers
       and the heartbeat
               that's within them.
And the key is dual
        in purpose
               with it's compass so unerring;
Guiding to my soul-mates
       with a lifetime
               that's worth sharing.
So, when I've found my heart's desire
       THEN
               I'll set the rainbow free.
Unlock the words
      within my heart
               and throw away the key.
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