It is always nice to know that you're not alone
but








It is also awful to know that they feel what you feel.

if you want me to stay,
make me want you,
need you,
make me obsessed with all that you are,
and with all that you do.


if you want me to stay
make yourself the air that i breath,
make me love you, sweetheart
and i'll stay.

i will stay.

I don't wanna wait, she said
Throwing her hands like a child
I had to turn away
I couldn't
Deal
With
It.
Her... Innocence, we'll call it...
(More on that later) had me sick
Like, here's someone who
Thinks they know it all,
But lives with mommy and daddy,
Pays for a tanning bed - and
smokes occasionally, and
brushes her eyelashes on the road - she's
On a family phone plan
Doesn't talk to her sister
And tells me she doesn't know like most bands,
I mention. That's cool, I say.
There's so many it's tough to keep up with.
She smiles with her eyes lips pursed,
ready for the taking.
I tell her, I can't, I have to go
- ***, first.

THE DEVIL IN MY LIFE

Dark cloud who casts a shadow on my soul
You make days overcast and gray
You flatten my senses until I feel nothing
You follow me like a faithful dog and never want to leave me
But now I see your leash is but a chain
Dragging me through life like a ****** prisoner
Reminding me I'm old when I'm not
Telling me my life is dull but it's not
Suggesting my accomplishments are few when they're not
Making me wonder if I'm depressed when I'm not
Keeping me from smiling and laughing
From deep gratitude
Hiding from me that I can have it all

Well, my faithful devil, I am done with you
I am angry and will no longer honor this marriage
Which you contrived – I never agreed to it
This is a divorce and it is final
When I feel you breathing down my neck
I will exhale with all my might and blast you out
You can descend into hell where you belong
And I will smile and I will feel my soul
And yes, I will connect with it
I will not, I refuse to let that connection with self die

I will not heed your persistent murmur
That nothing and void and emptiness is all we've got
I have connected with self and it is good
There is magic – I have tasted it
Stop it with your constant bantering that none of it is real

I am going to surrender to the magic
And I will not let you stop me
I'm done with you

And if you haunt me, I will raise my arms
And I will close my eyes and see beauty
I will peer into a flower and lose myself
I will remember all the gifts I have received
I will look at my husband with love
And I will give thanks.  No thanks to you.

I'm tired of the devil in my life
I'm ready to give the angels a try

Julia Burnier
January 30, 2016

Do not question my sanity for I have but none.
Do not ask me to hope for I have but none.
Do not ask me to look for better days because there are but none.
Do not ask me to live because I have but very few reasons too.
Do not ask me.

Do tell me to **** myself.
Do tell me all of the things you hate about me.
Do tell me things that you wouldnt.
Do tell me.

i am hating myself 
then analyzing and reanalyzing 
why i hate myself 
then hating how i hate me so much
and how self-consumed it is
then feeling the evening cool breeze 
spacing out
then wondering what 
that last final edit of me
will feel like

So many emotions tonight
I just cannot keep
them in
They are bursting out
from this jar of stars
that I keep next to my bedside
and tonight I couldn't
close it tight
if I tried
yes they are erupting out
as the lid
flies to the skies
messy emotions everywhere,
all over the
bedcovers
spilling onto the carpet
over my fingers as I attempt
to catch them
now I see
that the stellar energy,
just busting
through the ceiling,
up through the roof
and over the stratosphere
is mine
it seems that
I am going for a night- ride
amongst those
brightly encoded particles
sensory endings a-glow
reaching out like starfish
infinite pieces of our being
as they meet the forces beyond
I am rushing through those
night clouds
fluidity floating
trying to understand it all
attempting to know why
How can I make it right
How can things get back on path
And then I realize
This is it…
The path
I am on it
the pieces
       will come back together
only after
they freely
unabashedly
shatter