Words don't come to me anymore
silence grows deeper in my soul
the pain gets stronger and stronger.

My hopes, they turn to ashes
at the touch of my hands
I lose them, they slip through my fingers
and they're no Phoenix bird,
won't ever reborn.

Disappointment,
Failure
At every step I take.
My life,
a sinking ship.
My fears consume me day by day.

My love makes me rot inside
light burns my eyes,
music hurts my mind,
my soul is full of scars,
hopeless,
empty,
weak.

I shall die in the darkest silence.

I can’t remember the last time
I walked in light,
nor how the sun felt on my skin,
it’s always dark in here
and while trying to make my way in any direction
I find myself stumbling upon souls I lost and souls I miss
and pieces of long forgotten feelings,
I find myself falling over words that can never be taken back
over regrets that have never been said,
I hurt myself
when I step on memories crashing under my feet and
on broken mirrors wearing my once bright face,
or on silent songs that once used to be loud.

Like a child learning how to ride a bike,
I will keep on falling over and over again,
but I’ll never learn
cause there is no one here to hold onto the saddle.

i am never alone
there are nightmares walking beside me every second of my life,
demons procreating in my head,
a freak show of feelings disguised like those clowns that terrify me,
my mind is the stage for a barbarian, ****** show,
i am an open field full of bombs that explode with every step I take breaking me
into little dark pieces of something that used to be warm and bright,
i mourn for my soul and I never remember how to laugh anymore,
i have this internal bleeding and there is neither cure nor doctor for it to treat it
i can feel how I am losing pieces of myself while running or walking or just breathing,
i can see the cage I’ve thrown myself in
i feel the sun burning my soul and I cannot stop it, I cannot cover it I can’t
run from it anymore because my legs are broken
i cry every day until I dissolve in my own sour tears
i don’t know how to cry for help anymore, I am tongue-tied
i am scared of breathing and scared of not breathing
i am never alone
they make me dance to their music until my legs give up and I fall, I crawl
into the darkness trying to hide but there’s no hiding from them
i know the only refuge
is in Death.

You don't see real ghosts;
The ones that drink Sprite,
Or sun on the sands of Lake Erie.
Most ghosts have better things to do
Than haunt you.
What you do see
Are spirits, holy or otherwise,
Taunting, egging,
Generally bothersome.
They're in pictures and mirrors,
Songs and places
You'd like to re-live,
Or forget altogether,
Past and present.
No, gimme a ghost anyday
Over a spirit.
When it's my turn,
I won't see you.

Death has been waiting long
Death has been patient
But now Death has come

My soul has a deep cut
I would stick a plaster over it and I would keep going
But I have none and nobody gets close enough
To see that I am bleeding in the inside,
To see that I need to be saved.
Nobody would waste their good feelings on me.
Nobody wants me in their life
The same way a child doesn't want a broken toy.

I am a broken toy.

I feel like I am one of those sad songs
nobody wants to hear at a party
because they wake up memories,
open wounds,
make you bleed inside
And because in a few moments they ****
Everything that’s left of you.

Because they hurt.

There’s something that makes me spend
more and more time in my room.
It is a dark place,
the lights never get through the window,
there are monsters under the bed,
but they never sleep.

People are not allowed in my room
they can’t even knock at the door;
Some of them know it,
they just let me be alone.
—or maybe they just don’t care—
But sometimes new people arrive in my world,
they try to save me
so they just come in.
And that’s when I hurt them.
And then the monsters make me lock the door,
light a small candle
and read from the book where the pain
writes poems every day,
while they show me pictures of all the people I've hurt,
of everything I've destroyed.

And then my entire being starts screaming, mad at me,
until I shatter and pieces of me cover the floor.
After that comes the silence.


You don't know  how afraid I am
of silent, dark nights
how something just makes me go in there
every time I start feeling
love.

And I wish I could let people in
without hurting them.

But I can't.

So please, don't come in
don't even knock.
Don't try to save me.

There are monsters in my room
and I am the worst of them.

Afterlife, a reflection of soul?
A gap we slip through
When membranes between layers unfold us
To Zero Point;
Touching consciousness absolute

The womb we go back to
Where dark does not hurt our higher selves
The first seed rooted
In Living Light
Growing with original vibration
The first sound
AUM

Acoustic Universal Mantra
Waveforms...
Existing in the space between colors
Blending with all that occupies.
A passage through an enigma
Spanning epchos of luminous flux

Patterns of conscious light,
we emerged from the Void
From fractals of an eternal soul
A Universal breath
Fuse us with flesh;
Divine ballads in Golden Mean

Here in this my darkest hour
Chilled down to the marrow bone
Once a vibrant now fading flower
Where soon only weeds will grow

I had thought myself invincible
Here now holding auditions with death
As he freely asks morbid questions of me
Standing naked with no dignity left

Too late now I find myself looking inward
At the empty boxes lining my soul
Knowing full well that I was forewarned
That one day this bell would toll

Looking back on the years I have wasted
At mine and others expense
A bitterness so strong you can taste it
The flavor, my own detriment

I clearly see what could be to late for me
Breathing out my final battle cry
When in the end neither fame not fortune
Could replace my need for Jesus Christ