Welp - Hello Poetry

Mar 2020

Aver

i do not believe in soul mates
however souls, i put all my faith in
i do not believe in love at first sight
which is convenient considering i cannot manage to remember when i first saw you.
i do not believe in true love
however there are many loves that are true
i do not believe in perfection
however i love every inch of you
even the parts that i hate
even the parts i do not believe in
i do not want to be naive
i do not want to be cracked open
i do not want to be known
yet i'd say anything, do anything
im as impulsive as the storms that rage outside my window
i think of you
i think of doubts
i do my best not to think
if you were here then i couldn't

#love #doubt #life #future #hope #scared #past #icantwritedecentphraseshelpme

Mar 2020

Aver

i dont even know

dont imagine
what it'd be like
dont wish
dont begin the what if's
do not stand before the mirror
do not **** in your breath
nor your stomach
do not watch your waistline
watch your life
as it walks on by
do not shrink away at their touch
say it hurts too much
do not let a passing glance
take up every chance
at a peaceful mind
do not let the demons win
in your head
in your sins
when the angels come knocking
to bring you in
say * go away
my living has yet to begin

#love #hate #hope #i #even #know #dont

Mar 2020

Aver

Untitled

why is it that when you let yourself get attached
you feel more as if you are letting go
loosening your grip on your heart
is like loosening your hold on the edge of a cliff
hanging off the mountain that was built up of all your fears
when he says he loves me, they are just words
when he says im beautiful, he must not be looking hard enough
when he holds you
you remind yourself, you may never be held again
for his soft hands are too weak, too small
to possibly be able to lift you up
if you fall
when you fall
when you fall you'll catch yourself halfway down

#love #self #doubt #hate #hope #nevergoodenough

Mar 2020

Aver

reflection

im really sorry that even though you tell me im perfect
but then again only as we are kissing
and perfect does not exist
here i go again off the train of thought
my thoughts are more like minefields
i was going to express my remorse
my sorrow
for never being enough
for my lack of what you call sanity
and what i call ignorance
this was supposed to be an apology
for never telling you when or why
or how or even what
it was that kept me a mess
a crazy swirl of nothingness and tired breaths
it was you that caused me to think of our doubts that day
you made my existence seem not quite there
i know this letter is going nowhere
but i wrote it anyway

#love #anger #doubt #life #hate #content

Mar 2020

Aver

love

and you will think of me
i swear it
for there is no way
that your existence could take up so much of my own
yet you could not feel my essence surrounding the air around you
as you beat down the door to oblivion

#love #truth #doubt #life #pain #hope #leave #gone

Mar 2020

Aver

Untitled

you ask me why i've never written of you
the truth;
i keep trying to write poetry about you
but i've never been one for sharing
and i think i want to keep you to myself
and since these words
belong to the world
i wouldn't write about you
even if i could find the words
i wouldn't
i would leave the comparisons of your eyes to the cosmos
locked in my mind
the metaphors of you and your laughter
the personification of your smile
all of it inside
so you could be only mine

#love #life #happy #friendship

Feb 2020

Aver

friend

like cracks in the sidewalk you lay down and remain.
friends and lovers move over you with their steel souls and boots.
weeds are spoken of, hiding in your crevices.
to be torn apart and rebuilt.
they see you as an obstacle.
i see you as a treasure.
no
i see you
as you do not want to be seen
i see you
as you

#love #life #hope #friend #true #better

Feb 2020

Aver

Untitled

i know you look at yourself
and see years of desperate shame and avoidance
despair pooling in your eyes
regret slipping out of your mouth
through clenched teeth
which match your fists
you believe you are an unnatural disaster
you are a casualty of a ruthless life
you are a flower
blooming in the middle of winter
in the darkest storm.
you could be falling
and still find time to catch me on your way down
if you were drowning you would give away your last breath to a stranger
simply because you saw them smiling as you sunk down deeper and deeper
remember, to catch yourself first
remember to catch your breath first
remember yourself

#love #life #hope #friend #friendship #strong

Feb 2020

Aver

fearless

some of us are not afraid of dying
some of us are afraid of living

#life #hope

Feb 2020

Aver

never satisfied

she spent so much time looking in the mirror
that she forgot what she looked like

#love #doubt #beautiful #self-hate #image #better

Feb 2020

Aver

close

i can feel your heart beat
the proof of your existence
lying against me
your breath
still lingers in the air
the December chill
makes me shiver
but its worth the cold
to remind of your warmth

#love #hope #happy #readingtoomanyromancenovels

Feb 2020

Aver

confidential

i love you the way it hurts
the way it frightens me
for i think i may be in love
and being in love is a terrifying thing
you become vulnerable, exposed, liable
i am afraid
of myself
and that is not a foreign feeling for me
but this sticky sweet illness is
and you are unlike anyone id expect to care about me
and that has nothing to do with me doubting others truth in loving me
i spend hours writing frantically, listening, reading, singing, crying,dreaming,screaming
you calm me
because i am so often a raging ocean
though the half of it you've never seen
things youve never heard or read
consequential, confidential words
conversations deeper than rivers
but with you every sound that leaves my mouth is meaningless
i ramble on about senseless things
i am afraid of you knowing me
so i'll hide the things i always have
my clandestine self

#love #self #doubt #hide #pain #hope #crazy #scars

Feb 2020

Aver

again you go

oh how ironic
the boy with broken eyes
saw the world better than all of us
perhaps he saw it as it was
beneath all the facades
but how do we know what is real
how do we know anything
we dont
we believe we understand
we enjoy feeling some control
but the honesty in this falsehood is that nothing is real
he is real
his view is said to be twisted
from the cracks ripped and teared in his skin
the fractures in his soul
the story goes he sees through the breaks in his mind
he peers out of the gaps in his world
hidden in the crevices of his own head
his heart
a mere twelve inches from his thoughts
beats so loudly
he fears they will hear it, the demons
and as they press their ears to the door
and the ghost turn the ****
he jumps out the window to escape them
falling down to his life
not his death
death is an end
this is a beginning

excuse the ramblings

#love #life #hope #friend #school #better