I've built this wall up for so long that I'm only now realizing that every brick I used was filled with the memories you left me

...
..
Much before the door closed
Can be seen regularly when walking on the road
Though dark, see the mass of trash
But did not hear any noise ever

On the side of the sky touch wall
My constant movement
Though shadow yet trademark cynicism
I can go away even closed eyes

Closed eyes within the dark
Yet unbelievable, but brings a dream
A dream within the dark,
See a diamond crystal
Where only light and light dispersion
From each dimension

Suddenly, in dream
I am in front of the closed door,
See a footprint,
Known voice with tune,
Can hear the illusive song

Now neither there exists any tall wall
Nor any closed door in the mind
...
..

It's kind of a sick twisted fate-
when someone turns out to be everything
you have found in someone else
but you also collectively hate.
It turns your mind into a constant state of confusion.
This obsolesce was never planned
and I never planned to dislike you as much as I do now.
How does one go from appreciating the very core of a person
to dissecting and disliking every part?
I'd like to think it's second nature
and the second you become who you've always been
when the mask was ripped off and I saw you
I realized I had been trapped behind a wall
of disillusionment in hopes to fix
what will always look so much better broken.
You are a mere child amongst men-
constantly desiring something so out of reach
always trying to get what you want
until it is within your reach
and you realize you don't know how to keep it
you're not very good at keeping track of time
and everything you say has to be depicted
like a novel of truth you are telling
when you use your words with such a dishonesty
that it's honestly laughable.
You have not made sense on more occasions
than you have.
Your words are your muse
your security blanket
when in reality, most of the time
they are fleeing from your lips
and they are used in the complete wrong context.
I'm glad I could help you be okay
I never asked for any help from you
so I wasn't surprised when I never got it.
Always trying to mend brokenness
so maybe I will feel whole,
when in the end I just feel like an *******.
But you are actually the *******-
and I should've trusted myself about you.
Should've reminded myself that nothing is within your reach
because your arms are carrying too much insecurity
to even try to hold someone else's hand.
But ******* you're trying-
and you have been
just not with me and I'm glad
because I found something now
so ******* special to me.
So thank you for not giving me what I truly deserved
because it showed me neither are you.
It showed me I was better than what you gave
and you said you cared but I never saw it.
Never felt these things you said you did.
I'm glad this sick twisted fate
worked out into my favor
because I can never imagine being with someone like you.
With a mind a bit too free and a demeanor
a bit too conflicted about **** near everything.
Learn to walk-
realize I did a long time ago
and I'm surprised I didn't sooner.
Maybe these steps will lead you
to where you think you need to be
Until then-
watch as I learned to dance
when you're still just crawling
one day, it will be back to me
by then I hope you'll be running.

You said you'd be there
You said that you loved me
You said you would never hit me
But then you pulled off the mask.

Skin soaks in sting until the burning subsides
into numbness.
You are king;
                               I’m a furnace.


Fallen thing, how you broke just a small
little piece of your wing
in the jump
from the bird’s nest.

I'm a...
Nerd
Tryin' to run with the herd
Lonely one
Miss out on all the fun
Reader
If there was a book meter, I'd have broken it by now
Musical novice
Though I'm aimless in my pursuit
Believer in the Almighty
He is to me like a father to a daughter
Smartie
Sweet and hardy

I'm a lot of things
And that'll change over the years,
But I hope to be
The best me I can be
Now and forever.

Vanity is the killer sin of woman and man
Showing up everywhere in common day society
Magazines, books, music, and on and on and on

We are all guilty of it to some degree
From the man spraying on cologne in the attempt to get a partner
To women in talon-tipped platform heels

We have convinced our sons and daughters that beauty is something that must be manufactured
Not purposely, no! But we still have!
Not the natural ways of us human beings

Nature tells us, "Beauty shall not be messed with."
Yet that's what we keep doing!

To the brave, the bold, the foolish,
Whatever you may be
I dare you
To look beyond cultural
Social
Influences on mankind
And see that everyone is beautiful to someone in someway
And that true beauty is internal
And vanity matters not!

Becoming myself
Rising from the ashes of a girl
Into the fires of womanhood
I am between
Slowly, gradually
I am finding things about myself
that I never knew
Was it that I never asked?
Or is it newly hatched?
That I'll never know
But surely I am becoming me
Flaming feathers of confidence rising every month or so
As I molt my childhood fears
My body shifts to accommodate for life ahead
And make me beautiful
Victory comes closer
As required schooling gets closer to ending and college creeps in
Drama is soon to taint my crimson
Pressure increases
But I will continue to transform
Despite all this
And become the brightest phoenix I can be

Sometimes being unique is a hassle
When you're in a castle
Where everyone is the same
And no one's like you
There's no one to talk to

They don't know your music
Or read poetry

You don't share the money
That drips like honey from their clothes

You don't like rap
Which is readily on tap

You're not athletic
Makes you feel pathetic

You feel so alone
Unknown
They're all such clones
Same hair
Same clothes
Same likes and dislikes
What's an outsider to do?

You end up left out
In a dark corner where nothing presides
Divides you from everyone else.

Sometimes being different is a hassle
When you live in a castle
Where being different is frowned upon.

am i real?
does anyone see me?
am i not a ghost?
sometimes,
the way people look past me,
i think i might be one.
so often i feel forgotten,
left out.
i mean i have friends,
yeah,
but i wish others would see me too.
today i feel blue.