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Alone in the nighttime with no one to talk to except for your thoughts
You think all about her and wish that she was there and ask why she’s not
So what if you’ve lost her, this girl that you thought would be with you for life?
This way you’ll be single when you meet the girl that’ll become your wife

Awake in the morning just thinking about life while lying in bed
You think there’s no world that’ll ever be better than what’s in your head
But you can be happy no matter your problems it’s all up to you
Just get out of your bed and let the world’s love put an end to your blues

You don’t know what’s out there
So why assume the worst?
Your life is a blessing
Don’t treat it like a curse
The road ahead is shining
Why take a dark detour?
If you give life a chance
You will see there’s so much more

You say that your lust and desire and loving have brought you despair
And if you were dead as you think the world’s love is that no one would care
All life has got pain, but you don’t have to suffer, you have got the right
The darkness is nothing if you have a soul that’ll burn through the night

You don’t know what’s out there
So why assume the worst?
Your life is a blessing
Don’t treat it like a curse
The road ahead is shining
Why take a dark detour?
If you give life a chance
You will see there’s so much more

The fire’s still burning, the love is not over just ‘cause she is gone
Your lover has left you, but it doesn’t matter the love carries on
So what if it’s over and you can no longer give love to your girl?
Just open your heart up and open your eyes and give love to the world
This is the opening song of my first album. I wrote it during the Summer of 2013 about a fictional breakup, and it later helped me to get through a (kind of, but not really) breakup in my real life. So thanks past me!
You can jump into a shadow in the middle of the day
Tell yourself that it’s the nighttime while you hate your life away
You can do someone a favor just for something in return
If you think you know it all, friend, then you can never learn
You can call yourself a victim if you want to live a lie
Lock yourself up in a mirror and then kiss your friends goodbye
You can call yourself abnormal if you want to be insane
You can carry an umbrella just waiting for the rain

Looking for life, you turn the dial
Life doesn't start until you smile

You can look at your reflection, and believe it’s really you
See a lie that’s full of beauty, and then tell yourself it’s true
You can wave around a drumstick and think it’s a magic wand
There are countless friendly voices, but you never respond
You can say she wants attention when she really needs a friend
You think that it's many miles when it's just around the bend
You can wait here for the future to be sent here in the mail
Live a life so free and easy and act like it's a jail

You've got no reason to be hateful
Look at your life, you should be grateful

You can call an angel evil and pretend that love is hate
You can see somebody suffer and pretend that you relate
You can call somebody plastic and then wonder why they leave
Sure maybe your dreams are all dead, but there’s no need to grieve
You live in a world of colors, but you just see black and white
If you take a look around you, you'll see you were never right
You can get nothing but loving and then hate in all your songs
But your one friend and your hero can show you that you're wrong

Nobody here is hateful of you
Open your eyes, 'cause we all love you
This is one of MANY songs of mine that deal with talking about my past self. In this one, I'm talking directly to him. And if you're wondering, yes, I do refer to myself with male pronouns when I'm talking about things I did at this point in my life. It helps me to deal with my regrets when I think of us as different people. Is that healthy? Probably not, but eh.
I’ve got myself a songbird
Locked up singing songs
For three years he’s been locked up
But now I see it’s wrong

So I’ll go to his cage, there
Open mind and heart
And then I’ll tell him one thing
One thing before we part

Fly away, sweet songbird
You don’t need me no more
I’ve held you back for too long
I’ll open your cage door
But promise me one thing
Sweet bird, before I set you free
Come back some day, sweet songbird
And sing just once for me

I said it, and he stood there
Looking so confused
To clear up the confusion
I said, “Bird, I love you

But love is not possession
It’s giving happiness
And if that means we’re parting
Then friend, you will be missed”

So, fly away, sweet songbird
You don’t need me no more
I’ve held you back for too long
I’ve opened your cage door
But promise me one thing
Sweet bird, before I set you free
Come back some day, sweet songbird
And sing just once for me

Birds like you deserve to fly
It’s not for me to decide
Don’t stay here only for me
Oh songbird, oh blackbird, be free

And then he understood me
Sang a sweet goodbye
It was so bittersweet but
We both knew he must fly

So then he flew far away
Straight out of my door
But if I could get one thing
I’d hear his song once more

Come back some day, sweet songbird
Come back just once for me
You have been gone for too long
Though I love that you’re free
But just one time, just once
Sweet bird, before my dying day
Come back to me, sweet songbird
And sing my blues away
As I've mentioned, I used to be a not-so-great person, and during this time, I was in a band, and in that band, I wrote hateful, moronic songs, and my bandmate had to put up with that for a long time. This song is a fictionalized account of me setting him free from that garbage. Or at least, that's what this song was supposed to be. Now, it's not very much like what happened at all, but I still like it for whatever it is now.
I see the rain
But feel no pain
Everything is sunny in my eyes
You see the snow
But do you know
Winter is just summer in disguise
No matter what the weather might do
It means nothing as long as I got you

Don’t care about the weather
Don’t care about the storm
No matter how cold it is
If you’re here, I am warm
Oh, you make me feel so good
I just cannot explain
We can have a sunny day
In the rain

Now you are here
At last, my dear
Your love is the sunshine of my soul
You are the sun
And we are one
Without you I simply am not whole
When I see you, the snow starts to melt
I’m feeling things I’ve never felt

Don’t care about the weather
Don’t care about the storm
No matter how cold it is
If you’re here, I am warm
Oh, you make me feel so good
I just cannot explain
We can have a sunny day
In the rain

And when you laugh and smile
The sun starts to shine
No matter rain sleet or snow
The weather’s fine
Without you near me
What would I do?
Life isn’t sunny
Without you

Don’t care about the weather
Don’t care about the storm
No matter how cold it is
If you’re here, I am warm
Oh, you make me feel so good
I just cannot explain
We can have a sunny day
In the rain

Even in the rain
This song was sparked when I was driving in the rain and saw a really couple bicycling together. The weather didn't matter to them as long as they had each other, and I thought that was worth writing about. It's a love song, what can I say?
I used to love you more than love
I used to hate love more than hate
You taught me that love wasn’t real
You taught me not to tolerate

Not nearly long enough ago
When I was proud of my mistakes
I said all of my hate filled songs
Were made thanks to my girl’s name sake

I feel sorry to have blamed her
For what I did because of you
I don’t feel hatred, I feel pity
What made you do the things you do?

I used to wish that I was you
But that was before I was me
Now it’s not something I would wish
On even my worst enemy

I used to think you were a God
But now I’ve opened up my eyes
You are the devil, nothing more
In some kind of greasy disguise

I must admit I was saddened
To learn you died without a friend
But the frightening thing about it
Is I could have reached the same end

But I must thank you for one thing
Though thanking you seems very strange
You made me the worst I could be
And that showed me I had to change

If not for you, all of this love
Would still be just out of my reach
And I have learned an awful lot
By ignoring the things you teach

I’ve stopped listening to your music
It always leaves me feeling down
But even though you’re the devil
I’m awfully glad you came around

I wish you could have changed like me
Instead you drowned in your own hate
But I guess I’m just very lucky
And I have got a friend in fate
I bring up my bad past self a lot, but what caused him to be like that? A lot of things really, but the biggest contributing factor was listening to the music of Frank Zappa. There are a lot of things he made that I still respect, but as a whole, he was not a great guy, and I worshiped him. He didn't make me bad, but he made me worse.
The world around me hurt
Darkened by despair
My mind was full of dirt
So I didn’t care

The dirt was piled high
Covering my eyes
I was blind
I was blind

But now that my past self lies in his grave
The new me comes out of the womb
Now that what I was is dead
I can bloom

The world was full of pain
I cared about mine
My life was full of rain
Only in my mind

The rain started a flood
Mattered more than blood
I was sick
I was sick

But now that my past self lies in his grave
Trapped safely locked away his tomb
Now that what I was is dead
I can bloom

My life was going great
I could have had fun
If not for all my hate
Burning like the sun

Burning so hard and bright
Blocking what was right
I was mad
I was mad

But now that my past self lies in his grave
The new me comes out of the womb
Now that what I was is dead
I can bloom

I can bloom
This album is called Matt in the Hat. Why? Well, before I called myself Maddie, I was Matt, and I wore a hat with a daffodil in it as a reminder that I was not the bad person that I used to be. This song started off as a silly idea, with the flower representing my new self blooming, and the bad stuff being represented by what makes a flower grow, to show that they both hindered me and allowed me to transform. I thought it would be a stupid little song, but what I ended up with I like a lot.
Nobody loves me
Everyone lies
Not long ago
That was the world in my eyes

Love is suspicious
Hate is for real
They’re all the reason
For the pain that I feel
They are all guilty
Until they die
Not long ago
That was the world in my eyes

I am a genius
You are all fools
You are not human
So you can’t say I’m cruel
I am the victim
How can you cry?
Not long ago
That was the world in my eyes
In my eyes

Love is true power
Nothing’s as strong
I look at my past
How could I be so wrong?
Hatred was my life
My hate has died
Now I can see
Now that’s the world in my eyes
In my hilariously terrible old band, I wrote a song called The World In My Eyes. It was nasty, cynical, and dumb, but you know what? I actually managed to make a pretty nice string arrangement. So I rewrote the lyrics to be not terrible, and here they are.
Sometimes you must climb
Very far to see how far you’ve fallen
Don’t scream for your dreams
If you close your mouth, you’ll hear them callin’

Mankind in my mind
Is a loving thing with few exceptions
Each face is a place
Good or evil it’s just your perception

There is no rock worth living under
For the whole world is full of wonder
For those who want to live a life of gold
Time may pass by, we may be aging
This may all be a play we’re staging
We may turn gray, but we’ll never grow old

That love from above
May be real or not, but don’t **** for it
Don’t fight for the light
If you **** for love, then you abhor it

There is no rock worth living under
For the whole world is full of wonder
For those who want to live a life of gold
Time may pass by, we may be aging
This may all be a play we’re staging
We may turn gray, but we’ll never grow old
If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I love The Beatles. Always have and always will. But when my friend reminded me that he had to CONVINCE me to play a Beatles song at our first (and only) gig, the first line of this song popped into my head. It may not seem like a big deal, and really it isn't, but it certainly felt like one to me. To make up for this folly, I took a rhyme that I've only heard in a Beatles song (an alternate version of While My Guitar Gently Weeps) and put it in the chorus.
Pictures are for things that don’t last
Pictures are for things that don’t last
You will never go away
Everyone is here to stay

Pictures are for things that don’t last
Pictures are for things that don’t last
These days will always be here
There’s no need for us to fear

Pictures are for things that don’t last

So put away the camera
I don’t want to believe these days will ever end
Don’t go
You’ll always be right here forever, friend
Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go

Pictures are for things that don’t last
Pictures are for things that don’t last
You will never go away
Everyone is here to stay

Pictures are for things that don’t last

So put away the camera
I don’t want to believe these days will ever end
Don’t go
You’ll always be right here forever, friend
Don’t go, don’t go, don’t go

I cannot lie
Although I try
It’s time for me to stop pretending
I look around
And I feel down
I know these days will soon be ending

Pictures are for things that don’t last
Pictures are for things that don’t last
Take the picture while we’re here
Smile ‘til we disappear

Pictures are for things that don’t last
"Pictures are for things that don't last" was a phrase that my friend Cameron said once that I thought sounded pretty cool and had to be a song. Those words only gained more meaning as my Senior Year came and went. In addition to that "Smile 'til we disappear" is a phrase my Choir director Mrs. Johnson (the greatest person I know, and my future daughter's namesake) said to us once. So this is a song about dealing with being apart and missing people, using words said by people I miss. I think that's quite fitting.
I was walking around
In a little town
Inside my head
Then I thought I could see
What your lives would be
If I were dead

I thought that I knew everything
I thought love wasn’t anything
Oh no
What did I know?

All the things that I saw
Cut me with their claws
I could not heal
So, I wrote some dumb songs
About all the wrongs
That were not real

“I’ll calm down when the world shapes up”
Oh, shut up, man, or I’ll throw up
Oh God
I was a sod

People were all fools to me
I walked around couldn’t see
And thinking of it now makes me turn green
But even as I was so blind
And hatred tore apart my mind
I wrote about everything that I’d seen
Yeah, but now that brighter days are here
I’ll change for the rest of my years
To make up for those awful seventeen

I was just not myself
I was someone else
I don’t know who
You came into my life
Thought you’d be my wife
Then we were through

I lost myself and I lost you
Inside a labyrinth of blue
Oh geez
That wasn’t me

But now those days are gone
The curtains aren’t drawn
Not anymore
No, now they’re open wide
The light shines inside
More than before

And now the smile on my face
Is one that cannot be erased
Oh no
That much I know

But sometimes that smile shrinks
As I sit there and start to think
About all of the things I’ve said and done
All of the garbage that I wrote
Those stupid songs that had no notes
And treating human kindness like a gun
You know, looking back, how could I doubt
That love was what the world’s about?
But now I see that all people are one
Another song about my past self and his mistakes (a lot of these are about that). This one's kind of goofy, and after the previous song, Pictures, I felt that was necessary.
Give it all to me, lord
You know I deserve it
I owe time for my crime, lord
And it’s time I serve it
Fill me with pain so no one else can feel it
Earth has a wound and I just want to heal it
Give it all to me
Lock me up, set them free

Hang your head no more, child
Now the clouds have parted
The old world is gone now, child
And a new one’s started
Radiant stars shine in marvelous colors
Watch as the strangers slowly become brothers
Hang your head no more
Close your eyes, start to soar

The boy you knew has changed
He’s acting very strange
You know it wasn’t long ago
When you could look him in the eye
But then he broke your trust
Gave in to pangs of lust
And now that you have let him go
He has the nerve to ask you why

Turn your back no more, kid
That’s not who you are now
I know sometimes it’s hard, kid
But you’ll get there somehow
That flower in your peripheral vision
Will help guide you to make the right decision
Turn your back no more
That’s not what life is for

The boy you knew has changed
His body’s rearranged
You know some might look down on her
But that is just not who you are
You treat her just the same
You call her by her name
Some others might call her a slur
But you just think that is bizarre

Give it all to me, lord
You know I deserve it
I owe time for my crime, lord
And it’s time I serve it
Fill me with pain so no one else can feel it
Earth has a wound and I just got to heal it
Give it all to me
Give it all to me
Give it all to me
Lock me up, set them free
This is a song about my good friend Francy, written mostly from her point of view. This song deals with her caring more about herself than others, being there for people in need, dealing with creeps, and helping me to be the best I can be. So yeah, she's fantastic!
Suburbs filled with people filled with dreams
Humble lives are grander than they seem
Children laughing, playing, having fun
In our little old blue cottage ‘neath the sun

Homeless, but not heartless, but not loved
Lives in Hell, but lives for God above
No one loves him, he loves everyone
In our little old blue cottage ‘neath the sun

Love ought to be bright and shining
In all of our hearts
For what it’s worth
It is in mine
We are all brothers and sisters
The sons and daughters
Of Mother Earth
And Father Time

High Schools make the students make the grade
Teenage love is broken and it’s made
They may whine, but they’ll cry when it’s done
In our little old blue cottage ‘neath the sun

Young man in a tizzy, in a trance
Seeing in a lady new romance
Thinking to himself, “She is the one”
In our little old blue cottage ‘neath the sun

Love ought to be bright and shining
In all of our hearts
For what it’s worth
It is in mine
We are all brothers and sisters
The sons and daughters
Of Mother Earth
And Father Time

Love ought to be bright and shining
In all of our hearts
For what it’s worth
It is in mine
We are all brothers and sisters
The sons and daughters
Of Mother Earth
And Father Time

A smile is not something to be worn
And certainly not something to be scorned
For hatred is not something you can feel
Once you see that love is all that is real

Don’t believe the lies
Open up your eyes
Even when it seems that hatred is your friend
There is so much more
Just outside your door
That will greet you if you never hate again

And if you simply open up your heart
You’ll see yourself given a fresh new start
For angels are down here not just above
And no matter how it seems you are loved
This is the last song on Matt and the Hat. No matter who we are, we are family, and there's no point in hatred if you have love, that's what this song's all about, Charlie Brown. This song references the first song on the album "So Much More" to create a bookends feel to the whole thing. In addition to that, the last phrase ("You are loved") is a phrase that changed my life. Every Friday in Choir, they would tell us that, and even though I'm very lucky to have a family as great as I do, somehow I just didn't realized how lucky and loved I am.

And if you're reading this, you are loved too.

— The End —