I was leaning over the railings
Of your condominium's 11th floor fire exit.
It was a beautiful night, just a clear sky
Filled with stars.
I was smoking then while
You were just standing right behind me,
I leaned a little bit more.
You told me to stand back
"Aren't you scared?"
I told you that i have conquered
My fear of heights
Long before we spoke again
After weeks of complete silence.
I wasn't lying.
I wasn't afraid of falling—
dying anymore.
But that morning,
Your hands around my waist,
Lips on the nape of my neck
Just breathing,
I drowned.
My throat closed up,
My lungs filled with your scent,
My heart got heavier.
Your touch wasn't supposed to make me
Feel every inch i loved about you.
I was falling again,
Dying for your love;
I thought i have conquered my fear.

"Aren't you scared?"
Terrified.

Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **

She's scary but very beautiful...
Like fire, terrifying, but at the same time, too tempting to touch.

She screams at me but I love it...
Like a lion humming with piano keys.

She wore black and made it look like rainbow...
Like a bat with butterfly wings.