I have never
Ever loved anyone
In any kind of a
Romantic way

It makes my heart ache and burn
Restless and eager
For someone to decide
That maybe I'm worth pursuit

Here I am
19 years into life
And I have never
Even come close to romance

I don't need a man
But I want to know what
Butterflies in my stomach
Feel like before a date

I am capable and bright
Strong and passionate
But I long to be known
So deeply and
To be loved

But love eludes me

hey
I'm okay.

but have you ever
wondered to ask
more?

I fell in love
With the feeling
Of sadness
Of pain

I knew all its words were lies
But they sounded so true
But they felt so honest
I listened

Knowing full well
That this love was poison
I drank myself drunk
Into a dumb stupor

Because what is
Intoxication
But the act of filling oneself
Full of poison?

But I liked its flavor
I liked its rush
Again I filled a cup with sadness
And I drank deep

My greatest struggle
Is my body's natural desire
To attain control
Because my spirit
Aches
For release
With a reckless abandon

I want nothing more
Than to be freed from all
Which binds me
To forget my
Inhibitions
And to experience
Indulgence

Everything in me
That is alive
Vibrant
Full of feeling
Filled with life
Is also
Infatuated
By all that is dead
And dying
What numbs
And what hurts