my bones are selfish they, demand to be seen,
on the thrown of my body, they crowned themselves queen,
no matter what the cost , they want the prize,
they want me to loose weight and to shrink me size

they scream, I cry
they demand, I want to die
never good enough, never pretty enough
never thin enough

I gave up fighting; my bones are to tough
nothing can ever please the skeleton that is surfacing

nor the emotions and voices that bones bring
how much is too much?
I know longer know for now I cannot stop until my ribs start to show

If air contained calories
Would I stop breathing?
Or would I start panting like a dog?
Or, maybe, would I just continue breathing because – after all – it doesn’t matter anymore?

"Just eat"
Mom says to me as she stares at me staring at my plate
"Wouldn't you feel better If you just ate?" She says "you're killing yourself you dumb little girl"  
I roll my eyes and I blink, I can see she's worrying sick by the bottom of her drink. She shrinks in fear every time I sit down to eat, cause she knows what I plan on doing in the bathroom every time I leave the kitchen.

"What a living hell" she says, looking at me like I'm the craziest ******* earth; As if I was the only one in the whole world. I just sit there staring back without talking any words.
She yells "you're putting me trough hell"
"Well mom you're so selfish that it's hard to tell" I respond
She calms a bit down as I bite a carrot, still she always seems to me like a parrot "eat eat eat" "don't do this to me" she repeats night and day even in her sleep.

I love my mum but she doesn't get being numb, food stuck on my mind while I'm just chewing gum, she just thinks I'm really dumb, for starving myself.
"Oh my darling" she sobs every time she's serving my plate "my poor little darling" observing my every move to make sure I don't hide my meal inside my hair
"Just eat, You'll feel better and you'll start to heal"
I know she's right, being cold and dizzy all the time is exactly my fight, Madly I bite my lip so she doesn't notice  I care. My head is aching all the time but at least my weight is not okay for my height so I might hide how much it hurts again.

"Just eat your meat" she says staring at me like I'm some kind of freak "You're so pale and weak, you must eat, don't cheat and you'll get a treat" I know she's right because I can never feel the heat but she should meet the two girls in my head I can never beat.

"Just eat, your arms and legs could snap" but at least I have a slender neck and a stomach that's flat.

"Just eat please, you're so sick" I know this but I'll have to stick with water and celery although I'll have no energy, I'll look pretty.

"Just eat, It tastes better than you think"
she says as she takes a bite out of the dessert she just served, but all I can think of is how much It'll hurt.
"Why would it hurt? It's just cake for god's sake" she yells
But all I feel is dirt and blame on the after taste of chocolate, I know I'll just break If I take a bite. I shake my head saying "No, I'm fine"
"Just eat, I baked it just for you" she says as she pours another glass of wine,
She's been drinking since I was nine, just after I broke my spine and I had to get surgery so mom found comfort on the nursery watching the fat little babies laugh and sleep, she claims there was so much peace she just had to get a drink.

"Just freaking eat" she screams at me
"Why can't you just at least eat beans like the other teens?" "But mom If I eat beans I won't fit into my jeans" I say. "We will get you some new jeans, but at least eat the greens" she responds.

I'm so sick of hearing her, I think my mind might explode so I might as well take a bite, I suppose. I grab a fork but I can't control feeling so alone and exposed so tears start coming out of my eyes, I know she is always right. I should eat, I shouldn't feel this weak.
"That's okay Honey, I'm here"  but that normally only lasts for a week until she stops caring and disappears as I sink in my tears, then she comes back and yells I should
Just eat.

I don't know what else to do.
My grades are slipping,
I barely eat,
My anxiety is worse than it's ever been,
And my depression makes me barely able to function.
I don't want to tell anyone,
I don't want to be a bother.
I feel like I **** up everything I do,
I don't want people to worry about me anymore.
I'm not worth the time and effort,
All I am is a clingy ******* who makes everyone around me upset,
Why even bother being here anymore...

I'm ashamed because I have to be
attached to a foreign thing.
They say that it will nourish me,
this deep embedded fang.
It leaches a nutrient poison
so that I will occupy space.
A plan I so rejected
they forced the tube down through my face.