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3AM
Dreadful, horrendous, unwanted late night thoughts,
certainly warrant an enormous deep black pit of sadness.
And when the night finally falls, she constantly shuns
and tries so hard to weasel her way out of it.
But there is no escaping the inevitable.
Only if someone can get a momentarily glimpse
of the tangibly thick forlorn coat
she obliviously wears every single day.
Then maybe, just maybe, someone can fully understand
the scars embedded through her inanimate frame.
 Jul 2015 Charlie Smith
Egressx
Sadness fills inside
And you just wish to
Sway,
Be carried away,
Like the waves
Flowing inside you.

Your heart pounds
As the club’s music bursts
Your eardrums,
Along with the beat
That pulsates
Through your body.

You just wish he would
Love you
Like he used to.
You are trying.
You just want to feel whole again.

Blend yourself
Inside the crowd and
Close your eyes.
No one can
Save you
*But yourself.
 Jul 2015 Charlie Smith
Christine
writing in blood is easy,
writing in tears is necessary,
but writing in smiles
is impossible,
it is taking a pen and closing your eyes
and drawing soft lines and shapes
and missing words to describe the inside
a happy poet is recognized
by an empty paper
 Jul 2015 Charlie Smith
dan
migraine
 Jul 2015 Charlie Smith
dan
my eyes closed shut as i lay in bed
the constant throbbing can't seem to stop in my head
the thought of tomorrow filled me with dread
as i prayed to the gods for me to be dead.
first one. i tried :|
nine or ten pills a day
make the best part go away
how does one live a life so dull
when it once used to be full
UPS and downs
broken faces, empty bottles
bed ridden weeks
that were filled with no motivation
but I wish I could keep
some parts of me
Here I am again
Trying to write something
So someone will hear
But nobody will

Here I am again
In my head
Replaying memories
Of a life I once had

Here I am again
In the darkness
Of my own room
Starring of into nothing
Replaying the future
Or what I fear to be

I wonder if anyone really cares
I sit and pretend I know who loves me
I know of only a tiny group
Not even that
Maybe two, "friends"
I know of only one who truly loves me

Even then my head reminds me
Who would really love you
It makes me think while thinking of her
I know I am not good enough
Yet she stays

Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
Telling me that she doesn't really care
I know it is lying to me but I can't help but listen
Sometimes I believe
It will never end

I know she loves me
Yet my brain tells me
She doesn't love you
Nobody cares
As I pretend not to listen I cry

Every one wants a day away
I wouldn't know that
I'm different
It's always a day away from me
Yeah some want a day away from everything
But most, Just want a day away from me
I dont know how to write. and I didnt have anyone proofread it so thats why its blahh
 Jul 2015 Charlie Smith
Nevermind
You may think I'm lost
But you're the one who needs help
It's true, I'm out of touch
Out of touch with this hell
I can't stand to think
That this maze is simply life
So I've slipped away
To another place
Where everything's alright
When I was in the start
of my mental illness problem,
I exhibited physical movements
which bothered me,
because I thought they
were crazy,
but now, some forty years later,
I realized
that what I was doing
was mental illness yoga,
which was the body's way
of trying to cure me,
and the first yogic movement
that I did
was rocking back and forth
as I was sitting,
so now
I have tried it
by synchronizing
my breathing
and my internal music
along with it,
and it becomes
very healing,
so my mentally ill mother
used to tap
her fingers
on her legs
one at a time,
so I have tried that
and synchronized it,
and a friend
used to pull down
on his sideburns
in a kind of stroking manner,
so that's a good one,
and another friend
stroked his legs
back and forth
just above the knees,
and that one is excellent,
so I move my legs
in opposite directions, fast,
back and forth,
and that one works well,
so I roll my head around
in circles,
and that actually is
a yogic practice
called head rolls,
and I move my head
back and forth, sideways,
like Stevie Wonder,
and that works great,
so I would suggest
that if you have
any kind of eccentric movements
like these,
to develop them
and turn them into yoga,
because it just might be
the answer
to many problems.
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