Lover mine,
   give no worry our parting.
In few moons
        with the Earth's spinning
   steady will I hold you again.

Lover mine,
     I see your trick to the eyes
   side line look, a surprise to
catch me in the act          laughing.

That flash, your face
******* in a gasp,
   Lover mine.

Two smiles makes a circle of us.
Me chasing you chasing,
catching we & clasp to the breathing.

                        Quickened,  heaving   Sea
                             oh we...

     This I will not miss,
for I will see it in the warm
sleeping, feel in the waiting
     visions of memory,
       keeping company
               in secret.

I will be
      ever on the other side of
       your thinking,
              your wakeful burning urges,
           pressed against them
                 until next time,
                             Lover mine.

And so i sit here in the darkness
Feeling my heart beat slow and hard
Wondering why salt stings
And finding comfort in the feeling
Of cooling salt tracks on my skin
Trying to figure out how much time passes
Between the stale tears and the fresh ones
Without looking at the clock

Greatful for the reprieve from actual thought
Hating myself for needing release
Weak in spirit and strong in heart
Or vice versa
The fan dries the water
That leaves the salt
To dry in lines on my face

Silently i contemplate life
The intricate complexities
The subtle nuances in a smile or a glance
The way emotion runs too close to the surface
How the heart is both fragile and resilient
And how because we love we cry

do not date a girl
who writes.
she will internalize
everything,
carve poems
into your eyelashes
instead of
kissing them,

she will analyze you,
calculate age
from the rings
your coffee cup
leaves
instead of refilling it.

she will memorize
the way your
lips curl around steam,
but not that you
take it
two sugars,
no cream.

she will read your
palm instead of
holding it
against her chest.

she will not
blink
when you leave,
because she is
already
romanticizing it.

I'll be thin.
If it kills me,
Then so be it.

I'll be perfect.
If it kills me,
Then so be it.

I'll be beautiful.
If it kills me,
Then so be it.

I'll be good enough.
If it kills me,
Then so be it.

My bones will show.
If it kills me,
Then so be it.

I'll be happy.
But that only comes
With the things listed above,
And if it kills me,
Well, then so be it.

Homage Kenneth Koch

If I were doing my Laundry I'd wash my ***** Iran
I'd throw in my United States, and pour on the Ivory Soap,
       scrub up Africa, put all the birds and elephants back in
       the jungle,
I'd wash the Amazon river and clean the oily Carib & Gulf of Mexico,
Rub that smog off the North Pole, wipe up all the pipelines in Alaska,
Rub a dub dub for Rocky Flats and Los Alamos, Flush that sparkly
       Cesium out of Love Canal
Rinse down the Acid Rain over the Parthenon & Sphinx, Drain the Sludge
       out of the Mediterranean basin & make it azure again,
Put some blueing back into the sky over the Rhine, bleach the little
       Clouds so snow return white as snow,
Cleanse the Hudson Thames & Neckar, Drain the Suds out of Lake Erie
Then I'd throw big Asia in one giant Load & wash out the blood &
       Agent Orange,
Dump the whole mess of Russia and China in the wringer, squeeze out
       the tattletail Gray of U.S. Central American police state,
       & put the planet in the drier & let it sit 20 minutes or an
       Aeon till it came out clean

i stare outside my bedroom window
12:42am
wondering where my soul has gone,
my personality,
my hope.
instead of organs I carry inside me burdens of ex lovers, of mistakes, of abuse,
i remember when I use to shine the brightest.
it is so hard to see when you are blinded amidst tear gas
people pushing and shoving
black holes for eyes, no hearts in sight
i wish to one day repair them.
i wish one day to repair myself
it seems to be an impossible task
a momentary relapse of heart ache, of bleeding arms and bleeding legs
a momentary relapse of euphoria and then down again we go
it hurts when all you can do is sit around and wait for someone to clean the wounds just to tear them open with their teeth once again.

dad, did you do it again?
slide in your poison-
did you think you could ever own me?
mom, did you do it again?
pump your fears, your dreams, your failures into my blood, my soul, my slow beating heart?

i can't seem to go on anymore.

how am I suppose to love when the birthmarks on my arms are really scars,
when the holes in my chest are past heart breaks,
sleep breaks, smoke breaks, coke brakes, **** brakes
how am I suppose to love?
the snow covers an icy cold blanket around my mind,
freezing all the bad and good thoughts
and suddenly everything goes black.

-where am i?

conceptcollection

I'm pulling metaphors from the air
Gliding over my fingertips and through my hair
What am I willing to do for a few pairs
Of rhyming words on a page?
I think I've let my passion protrude further than my happiness
And I find a thought lies in my head
It tells me how I am so in love with being alone
Obsessed with a search for a quiet home
I fight for the right words at the wrong time they say
While I try to run from the one who doesn't want me feeling that way
I can't atone for the thoughts I own
Because I own them nonetheless
And I can't contain the sadness attained
So I write and hope for the best
For through eyes as dark as mine
I've learned to document this horrid mess
And with stone heart inside my chest
I learn to live with less
I never thought that this facade would ever meet an end
But I saw art that's not as dark and prompted me to spend
A little time inside a light transforming who I am
Dispelling the cynical mediums
Between the ideas I thought of as menial
Maybe my hope lies not with loneliness
But rather it lies inside of your liveliness
And perhaps instead of silence I long for the laugh between your lips
I would move mountains for your love
I would drain seas to feel your bliss
In you I've found a future
In you I find happiness

I wonder if you’d want to know
I named all of my demons after you and
they haunt me in my sleep

when I was 14 I fell asleep in April and dreamed of bones and
I’m not sure I’ve really ever woken up since

when I lost 5 pounds I never saw a difference

when I lost 10 my mother said I was looking good

when I lost 20 she told me to stop and handed me food
and I became anemic

when I lost 25 I stopped drinking anything because
I felt water had calories

when I lost 30 my mother held me on her lap
and held my bones together for me

when I lost 35 I started fainting every morning and
the doctors could no longer easily find my blood pressure

when I lost 40 people started to stare and food made me cry

when I lost 45 it hurt to walk and to lay down
it hurt to eat
it hurt to breathe and
I started throwing up my empty stomach

the mind plays tricks on those that decide
nourishment is not needed

Eat.