black empty expanse
my eyes meet the mirror
I consider shaving my head
removing my eyebrows
match outside to in
ugly and empty
I wish I could rip off petals
set myself on fire like a monk
reach nirvana by golden chariot
starve myself until I disappear
drink until I collapse forever
but I put my hair up
make a cat wing eyeliner
smile with bleached teeth
fix my dyed hair
use metallic red lipstick
consider plastic surgery
I don't want to be here, I mouth
the mirror knows already
but there's only one way out
instead, I put on my nicest dress
hoping that someday I find
a way to match inside to out

When I hold your hand I can see that I’m half.
A half of a whole that’s much greater than I.
Whenever we kiss, and our chemicals mix,
Our atriums beat to harmonious sighs,
Widened in eye with no how, what’s or why’s.
Our love is an answer, a chance and a glance
Of the fact that our lives can be more than survival.

You, with your touch and your loves electricity.
Fertile and fierce, you’re my warm neon rose.
Vicious, your glows, which had soon overthrown
The darkness and evil I trapped deep inside me.
I can’t ignore it, my limerence foresaw,
It’s orphic, and it knows that you are for me.

Moulded by clay to a boring design,
Potentially scraped from the factory floors.
I’ve the conception that my own conception
Was callous and fallow, lazy, fugacious,
But mostly redundant, with one small exception;
As all would have meaning if I could be yours.

Caroline to Byron, Beatrice to Dante,
A muse can induce art much greater than I.
It’s quite right when I write I lose sight of sense,
As when I write of you sense need not apply.
My amorous love, my glamorous drug,
My muse of all muses, my honey soaked hug.

skin of silken cream
warmth in your heart
your eyes are a dream
though we are apart
my darling, you're lovely
and I miss you so
and while we're apart
my love only grows

This is a gift exchange.

I would like to share with you some of my happiest moments:

Having breakfast at a restaurant on top of the mountains and watching the sun rise over sleepy houses.

Wine and food pairing tasting in the summer, near the lake. It smelled like fresh flowers and the breeze off the lake made the summer sun bearable.

Kissing you and realizing it felt like home, like I had found something I didn't even know I was missing.

Every memory shared has been a gift exchange, and your gifts are ones I will always cherish.

Thank you.

sand and soot in oysters whirl
creating iridescent pearls
the lotus roots through dirt and mud
to blossom from the smallest bud

out of darkness, beauty grows
though the process, arduous and slow
without pain nothing is created
and so my growth is long awaited

you hold on so tightly that I suffocate
when I find the courage to escape
you delineate and debate
why can't enough be enough?
why not be happy with what we had?
we've been through thin and tough
we've experienced life's worst and survived
but sometimes love isn't enough
I've been bursting at the seams, deprived
maybe my happiness is selfish and weak
I could be undeserving of joy again
but I won't know unless I leave and seek
so please, I beg you, let me go
it'll hurt like hell for a while
but I know with time we will both grow

broken shards of glass and snow
pick up each one blow by blow
mix my blood into the earth
paper tigers have no worth
set my sails to open sea
unbind the knots and set me free
I elucubrate my feeble quarrel
composed of petals, orchids floral
taste the crumbs and rusk abound
ne'er again to hear the sound
longing sighs and an exhale
and all the night could entail
but you care for dim shadows not
and dawn becomes long forgot
my words spill on pages flat
each sheet falls through the slat
my thesis burns by candle light
every sentence shifts more trite
but you remain my constant spark
and for a moment, hope embarks