She was like music,
and I longed to dance.

Her heart was the beat,
and I begged for the chance.

Her words were the vocals,
and I was put in a trance.

Her smile was the melody,
and I fell in love at first glance.

I can't stop thinking of your arms
How they wrapped around me that night
Braille of a story spelled out across them
I run my fingers across the raised surface of scarred skin
There's so many
It's nostalgic
I felt your breathing deepen

Sleep
This world has been cruel to you
Sleep
With arms safe in my palms

It's sort of tragically beautiful
Two souls threatening to break at any moment
Lean on one another
We know what it's like to be broken

Sleep
I'll be your pillow
Sleep
I'll be your razor

Cut into me
And take what you need

That night felt like a dream
you felt like a dream
I was between you and the dock
and you were between me and the stars
and that was all I could see
you and the shimmer of the cosmos
and it was a wonder how little of it all mattered
the night was all beauty and wonder our bodies
pressing the dregs of summer
the sky swam in water with us
when we slipped out our clothes
and into the endless that was
the river swalling us whole
all perfect and pure
no questions just free people floating
and we weren't in love
but there was love breathing in our lungs
and in the waves they licked the shore
and in your mouth on mine
love for the moment
love for the act of being alive

This is not a love poem
this is an I love you do you love me like
I love you poem
do you know me like
you think you do poem
this is a would you be disappointed
if you did poem
an I have been feeling the chilling of the air
and I cant tell if it is just the fault of the season
or if you, too, are cooling
whatever heat you had for me
browning and falling and
crumbling between my fingers
like the leaves of these oak trees
in november poem
a what would I need to do to keep us warm poem
and this is also
an I may be completely mistaken poem
an it was seventy degrees today poem
this is a show me I am completely mistaken poem

where wildness grows
between my rib cages
close to my heart and
all over my brain
where revolutions begins to take place
for me and for her and for all of you
i change my perceptions, become something new
and you can't deny you heard me, when I ripped my throat so I could heal
blossoming feelings deep inside my bones
i'm a warrior at heart with hope set on steel

i thought you were the first; not the only. i thought being in love with you was how dating was supposed to work. i thought you felt this way about everyone you went on a date with. saying i love you a month into knowing each other, for me, was "normal". i thought love came and went with everyone with whom time was spent.

this wasn't the case.

i'm walking down the street with this new boy next to me and internally i'm groaning. he's rich as heck and sure he's not the best looking but he seems ok. he isn't boring but i'm so bored. he isn't annoying but i'm so annoyed. i don't want to be here, in a tesla in sunny california. i feel nothing for him and i don't want his lips on mine. his perfume smells good but i don't want him on my skin. i don't want him.

i don't want him.

he calls me in the middle of the night and asks if i want to go on an adventure. i love adventures. i love late nights under the stars when nothing is holding you back. i love being alive and feeling like life isn't over just yet. i tell him i'm tired. i go to bed. i sleep. i don't want to have an adventure with him because it feels forced and unnatural. i don't want to dance in the rain or smoke under the falling leaves. i don't want to hold his hand or talk to him about philosophy.

i don't love him.

i thought i'd fall in love with him or the other him or the one after him but heck, i'm not falling in love at all. these are just bodies with beautiful souls that do not connect to mine. perhaps i haven't given them the space to touch my heart, spirit, and mind. or perhaps me and you were a one-off. maybe you were the one for me. the one that got away. i could see myself marrying you. i always knew i could raise daughters, but with you, i could see myself raising a son.

where do i go from here?

when i think of home i think of you standing by the bed with your pajama pants on. i think of my curly hair and bare legs. i think of your oversized shirts and my pink tanktop. i think of the mundane things that felt like heaven. home is your new haircut. home is your old shoes. home is laying in your lap. home is you.