Do I dare disturb the universe?
For fate is not in my hands, and
Life seems to be brittle, shattering before my eyes
A thousand fault lines running through
My mind, cracked from thoughts that flood
I’m in deep waters where air cannot reach me
I can’t find the surface.

Do I dare disturb the universe?
Overthink every choice, a butterfly effect,
A hurricane rippling through my inner world
Unraveling the tapestry of my future,
Warping every possibility -
No, I do not dare.

I want to experience it -
The youthful thrill of trembling hands,
Smiles softened by the dying sunlight
Words, cotton-candy sweet, adoring
Uncomplicated, understanding, bright.

I want to feel it -
Love, a feeling sickly-sweet and soft,
Or puppy love, as mom will call it
I want those phone calls into midnight, laughs
Inside jokes, adoring, “let’s go bowling” -
I want the hangouts that stretch
into technicolor dreams
Hugs, languid, smiles drunken
Love, oh how I want to drown
in your beam.

i kept your compliments in a locket
your sweet whispers wrapped in lace
i did not care about the harsh words
even when they ran down my face
and the blood trickled down and mixed with my tears
you still said i looked pretty that day
and i know it’s been two years
but do you still want to be my prom date?

Do you remember how you said…
You forget that you have friends,
Because you feel so lonely?
I understand you. I was too afraid to say it,
But I really, really do.

But maybe those aren't always the friends
worth remembering.

Your fingers caressed the keys
like a gentle waltz
I was utterly transfixed
by the way you carried a conversation
I shivered at each note
the melody resonated within
You were telling the piano about me.

Are you a bad person?
Or are you just hurting, and
You lash out at every single person
Who actually cares?

Do you think it makes me feel good,
Or sympathetic, when you
Spit in my face and disregard
Every beautiful moment we had?

Do you think it’s better this way,
To have so many people apathetic to you
From repeated insults, and screaming
And broken trust?
Is that better than having people love you?

I guess sometimes
You think I just don’t care
Because I don’t make my entire life
A tragedy
Just because of a chapter.