i kept your compliments in a locket
your sweet whispers wrapped in lace
i did not care about the harsh words
even when they ran down my face
and the blood trickled down and mixed with my tears
you still said i looked pretty that day
and i know it’s been two years
but do you still want to be my prom date?

Do you remember how you said…
You forget that you have friends,
Because you feel so lonely?
I understand you. I was too afraid to say it,
But I really, really do.

But maybe those aren't always the friends
worth remembering.

Your fingers caressed the keys
like a gentle waltz
I was utterly transfixed
by the way you carried a conversation
I shivered at each note
the melody resonated within
You were telling the piano about me.

Are you a bad person?
Or are you just hurting, and
You lash out at every single person
Who actually cares?

Do you think it makes me feel good,
Or sympathetic, when you
Spit in my face and disregard
Every beautiful moment we had?

Do you think it’s better this way,
To have so many people apathetic to you
From repeated insults, and screaming
And broken trust?
Is that better than having people love you?

I guess sometimes
You think I just don’t care
Because I don’t make my entire life
A tragedy
Just because of a chapter.

I wish I didn’t hate you
As much as I loved you
I wish our relationship was easy,
Just as sisterhood is supposed to be

I wish you didn’t get so angry
And your rage didn’t feel so routine
I wish I didn’t have to think twice
Before listening to you, wondering
If your story’s a lie, or just your warped,
Narcissistic truth

I wish this felt more like family,
And we didn’t have to talk behind your back
I wish you were happier, and freer
And less controlled by your anger

I wish you didn’t self-sabotage after
Every good thing
I wish you didn’t love me so much
Because maybe then, it would be easier

Fires igniting all around,
Burning and destructive.
And they’re in my heart, too,
Burning through the outer layers,
All the way to the core of my fear.

Fear of losing this comfortable life,
This reality where I sit calmly, routinely
Eat in peace and barely check
The news. Where the air quality isn’t
A problem, and where all of this
Goes away.

I guess the core of the fear is this, isn’t it -
Losing the routine, the comfortable,
The mundane. Feeling scared for
Loved ones, even though I know
Nothing will happen, right?
It’s too far away (getting closer), right?