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Baylee Sep 2015
Is it normal
To cry
For no reason?

Does anyone else
Sob silently
To fall asleep?

Do you ever
Get angry
And lose it?

How do you
Control it
Or does it
Control you?

Are you ever
Enraged; depressed;
Does it stop
Will it?
Baylee Sep 2015
Do you ever walk outside in the morning,
When the sun has only been up for an hour,
And you walk through the grass,
For whatever reason,
And as soon as the dewey grass touches your foot
You jump back onto the pavement,
Because you weren't ready for the chill,
Or you don't want your shoes getting wet?

Because I do the same thing,
But I wish that I didn't.
I wish that instead of jumping to the pavement,
I kicked my shoes off and lay down,
Soaking in as much dew from the grass as possible,
Enjoying the smell of nature in the morning,
Basking in the presence of the world,
Connecting to the Earth.

But instead, I hop to the pavement
Just like the rest of you.
Baylee Sep 2015
Three day old
Store-bought mac and cheese,
That has been reheated
Twice
But the cheese and macaroni
Have started to separate,
The cheese clumping together,
And despite the scortching corners
Of the dinner,
In it's store container,
There are large sections
That are as cold as the fridge.
It's like you warmed it back up
Using nothing but your
Low powered hair drier.
It tastes like poverty feels.
Baylee Sep 2015
Running, eating, sleeping,
She lives a hurried life,
From one moment to the next,
Everything can change.

Sleeping, running, eating,
She rushes from here to there,
On to the next thing
Before the last had finished.

Eating, sleeping, running,
She's always five steps ahead,
Moving quicker than you can guess,
It just doesn't stop.

Running, eating, sleeping,
She lives a hurried life,
She russhes from here to there,
She's always five steps ahead,

Until she stops, dead in her tracks,
Unable to breathe, her heart pulsating
Faster than what is healthy,
And he tells her, "you have asthma".
Baylee Sep 2015
Sitting in the cold doctors office,
She awaits test results,
While sitting in nothing but a cheap gown,
With one tie in the back.
She sits on top of the examination table,
Feeling her legs cover with goosebumps,
And her heart thumping in her chest.
She clenches her fists and releases
To let out some anxiety that she has
About what this means for her future.
She shivers as a chill rushes down her spine,
The small hairs on her arms, back and neck stand up,
She slouches as if she is folding into herself,
When a light knock at the door
Straightens her spine to the fullest,
And the doctor walks in...
Baylee Sep 2015
Much like being trapped in an elevator,
Awaiting your rescue,
Wondering if you should be the one to save yourself,
But you start panicking once the doors wont open,
You feel yourself shrinking,
Drowning in your thoughts,
Internally collapsing from the stress,
You begin to hyperventilate,
But not audibly, no, it's completely silent,
The utter silence itself is deafening,
You question the stability and structure
Of the suspended room that your life is being held in,
Back to the silence, was that a creaking sound
Or are you just starting to become paranoid now,
Is someone on the outside trying to pry the doors open
To help rescue you, and get you out,
Or is someone simply mindlessly hitting the elevator button
Waiting for it to come, though it never will,
Surely they'll become annoyed and just take the stairs,
But how are you supposed to get out of this situation,
This state of complete panic, you start to sob,
And that's when you realize that this is what anxiety feels like.
After a recent experience of getting trapped in an elevator, those minutes you're waiting to be saved seem like the longest moments of your life, specially for someone who already has an underlying fear of elevators. Not to mention the fact that you're someone who has serious anxiety problems, so this situation only makes you reflect outward and even further inward on yourself.
Baylee Sep 2015
I close my eyes and count to ten,
I try to count sheep; those *******.

The haunting thoughts keep me up,
I'm exhausted but restless.

I try and try to keep my eyes shut,
Then once again I fail.

Maybe I'll sleep better in this position,
I think as I roll over.

Thoughts race through my mind
And continue to keep me up.

The good, the bad, and the ugly,
They all have the same effect.

The pillow is too hot, time to flip it,
Yeah, I'm sure this will help.

But I can't sleep because my life is
A living nightmare.
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