Yogyakarta, 18 May 2017.
I lay in my be
my minds wandering around starbucks somewhere somehow.
I picture you come to my table, half run half walk "sorry, my flight was delayed for an hour."
You sat and took my right hand, look at my eyes deeply-even though i was looking at my cup of coffee​, sometime stared at you for couple times-then start to kiss my right hand like it was your precious thing.
It was, for you.
"It's alright" you stopped kissing my hand.
I know you were going to say how much you love me, wanting to say sorry for zillion times and...
Then i stop picturing us together.
It's my birthday, you know it.
Isn't it great when you say a simple 'happy birthday'?
It's simple, but beautiful and make me happy.
Make me want to continue my life.
Make me want to throw away my pain, my knife, my worst feelings.
It's my birthday, everybody knows it.
They wished me all the best and **** and **** and ****.
And you, i know you read my ****** poems.
please, im begging you, love,
Wish from you is all i need right now.

crying is my way to tell God
that i still need him

Have no blood left,
and I'm still bleeding.

every time you tell a lie,
it turns out to be a spell
to hypnotize me
and make me believe
that i'm fine.

truth is, i'm not fine at all.

my depression comes back from a long nice vacation.
welcome back *******!

Dear ignorant people
I am free
my depression vanishes nto thin airs
my depression doesn't want to come back for a millisecond
my depression is afraid of my positive spirit

Bye.

Ramadhan, holy month for muslim
and we lost so many holy souls

Apa kabar, Tuan?

                           Lama tak beradu tatap.

Bagaimana kehidupanmu tanpaku?
Sepi,
        senang
atau
                                         lebih dari tenang.

Kenang memori kita, Puan bersedih.



      Puan tahu diluar kehendaknya untuk memohon kembali kepadamu.
      Namun tiap malam Puan meraung sepi, terisak sesak. Puan menyerah namun Puan tak bisa melepaskan.







Puan hanya ingin berbicara barang lima detak,
Puan ingin Tuan tahu,
Tuan masih bertahta di hati Puan.

Kenapa-
Tuhan menakdirkan aku dan kamu
tetapi Ia juga menciptakan jarak diantara kita?

Kenapa-
Tuhan menakdirkan aku dan kamu
tetapi Ia juga menanam ego yang kuat
pada masing-masing kita?

Kenapa-
Tuhan menakdirkan kamu dan dia
tetapi Ia membubuh cinta di masing-masing hati kita?

when i saw you,
i thought i saw my future.
there came the time when
i realized,
i was directly looking at my soul destroyer.