I hate my life as much as I love it.
I tried to think about--
drowning myself in the river..
but a drowning corpse is ugly to be seen
I tried to think about--
taking poison in my mouth..
but I'm broke so how will I get one?
I tried to think about--
hanging myself..
but I live inside a cardboard box.
Slitting would be painful.. I don't want to scream.
Get myself hit by a car... would bother alot of people...

.
.
.
tired but couldn’t sleep
i’m wondering if you’re worth to keep
this foolish heart is in pain
but still it beats your name

I'm sorry:
To the words I don't give justice to;
To the words painted meaningful

*But end up lackluster.

Heartbroken
Heartbroke
Heartbrok
Heartbro
Heartbr
Heartb
Heart
Hear
Hea
He
H
Hu
***
Hung
Hungr
HUNGRY.

How ignorant are humans to forgive a lifetime of indiscretion for 12 dollar roses and 5 dollar chocolates?
We demand adoration in the face of the world for 24 solid hours while the rest of the year we accept the misery our concept of love has brought.
Are we so blinded by sweet nothings to realize they are just nothings,
that 12 dollar roses and 5 dollar chocolates do not compare to the screaming match you had last week when you found out he lied.
If we accept so solemnly that our love will not always be happy,
are we closing ourselves off to the possibility that maybe our love doesn't have to be so empty?
Nothing is more empty than 12 dollar roses and 5 dollar chocolates because intensity and passion is not sparked from a single day.
It is grown over time, throughout the days.

i like informality

beer straight outta the bottle
pizza for breakfast
wearing a shirt 3 times
before washing it

doing dishes by hand
reading old birthday cards  
stayin up til 2
even though i have to be up at 8

bonfires
backroads
gettin lost on the way to a bonfire
because i took a backroad

going to a bar
on a tuesday night
and kissing a stranger
just because i'm drunk

and lonely
and through the years i've aquired a taste
for whiskey on lips.
And besides, isn't that

the only reason we're here anyway?

I am no longer a child
Not the innocent, little girl I used to be
She is now but a memory
Replaced by a new face
It is unfamiliar and out of place
It's eyes so distant, they are alien
Coloured in with grey pencil
A complete contrast
To the rainbows that once filled them
They are gone now.

I miss her:the little girl
She was bright and she was bold
And I miss her
She used to wear sunshine coloured hoodies
With a smile that matched
Her happiness burned like a bonfire
Lighting up all around
She danced with no music
Sang with no song
Laughed with no reason

Her imagination ran riots
Stories flooded out of her
Tales of all kinds
Bejewelled with wild ideas
She dreamed up a new universe everyday
Explored her mind as though it was a jungle
She swung around on emerald vines
Excitedly breathing in
Every scent, every colour, every shape
Getting drunk on endless possibilities

The girl that fills the mirror smiles sadly
Her dull eyes overflowing with invisible tears
I do not know how to comfort her
She is stranger looking out at me
I choose to be blind to her mind
A war of conflict rages on in me
I am angry, red hot
Knowing she took away the sunshine
Though I feel pity, too, for the blue salt trails
That form crystals on her fading cheeks
Pity for colour she is rendered.

"What are you most scared of?"
She asked, eyes wandering to mine
I turned away, as if fearful of the question

Hidden beneath a waterfall of dusty hair
Protected by a forest of oak soldiers
A glint of hazel scurried to meet her

"Growing up", I murmered so quietly
She could only just hear the words before
The breeze flew them away