Mrs Ashley Somebody

Mrs Ashley Somebody Aug 2017

Sonnet H

I sing to voice the colors of my soul.
I write to bring the words I feel to life.
I rhyme to feel that I am in control,
And breathe to know that I am not a knife.
I dance to taste the wind blow in my hair.
I bend and sway to dodge these fiery darts.
I hide to keep my feelings unaware
That everything I reach for falls apart.
I bow to broken people like myself,
But when did prayer become a second guess?
I lie in bed and curse my mental health
And wish for broken bones instead of stress.
When all is said and done, I cry to feel,
And hurt myself to know that this is real.

#help #sonnet #sing #rhyme #cry #depression #anxiety #panic

Mrs Ashley Somebody Aug 2017

Bridges and Cliffs

I never knew why standing on a balcony was so unnerving—
Why driving across a bridge,
Or around a mountain with only a short railing,
Made me question reality and life itself.

Tucking me in that night before you went home,
When we talked for an hour about Agency and Free Will,
Before you finally kissed me and left me to think in the dark:
My eyes were open wide as I learned that feeling's name.

"It's like how I could scream, right now?" I asked
And you nodded, "But something keeps you from doing it."
"I don't want to wake up Mom," I laughed.
He smiled and said, "And it would hurt my ears if you did."

Then a conversation later, after you blew a kiss
You turned out the light, and I lay in the dark.
I could jump out my window right now, I thought.
There's nothing physically stopping me.~

#agency #freewill #suicide #depression #anxiety #goodnight #kiss

Mrs Ashley Somebody Jul 2017

Prison of Ice

I am frozen from the inside out.
My breaths are not a choice.
Voices whisper answers to it all,
Answers to questions I didn't ask.
I try to close my eyes and close my ears,
But they push past my defenses.
And no one understands
Why I stand here alone
And cannot step forward
Without clutching his arm,
The one who helps me breathe,
Who wanted to understand it all.
I want to stand tall, and I will
When I learn to stand alone
And I am braver than the fear
Would have me believe I am.

#prison #anxiety #panicattack #panic #understand #please #depression #breathe

Mrs Ashley Somebody Jul 2017

Butterfly Poem

I'm here.
I am small and my      fears crowd      all of my thoughts.
The monsters        lean in        on my hopes,
  crushing         them and      my energy
as I fall          to my           knees
hopeless.*
But at your call,
every           cell in my          body
stands itself      up and marches      forward
knowing I can     do anything,     if you need it.
I will be there for you,           as you           have always been here
for me.

#butterfly #hope #foryou #always #anxiety

Mrs Ashley Somebody Jul 2017

Distrust Self Doubt

If there's a word that you're holding back, say it.
If there's advice in your brain, let it out.
And if anything helps, then I'll take it;
But no man can assuage all my doubt.

I doubt that I'll ever quite make it:
I doubt that my dreams will come true.
I doubt night and day, but I fake it
In case they start doubting me too.

I don't think I can catch my breath now,
I doubt that this air will be clean;
Don't know if I'm close to my death now,
But alive? I just feel in between.

Come and steal away all of my guilt now
Make me sigh and admit I was wrong
For of all of the things my mind's built now
I distrusted self-doubt all along.

#selfdoubt #breathe #therapy #help #anxiety #depression #doubt #ocd

Mrs Ashley Somebody Jun 2017

say goodbye to hurt

Will I now forget your face
Since I do not fear you?
Will your wretched memory fade
And will I cease to hear you?
Has this day brought healing,
Or is it a passing feeling?

#hurt #anxiety #depression #help #healing #hope #memory

Mrs Ashley Somebody Jun 2017

When You Come Home (Tanka Set for Alex)

Sunlight streaming in,
I see you unlock the door.
I run in my socks.
You open it before me...
Every time, it's happier.

I will write a book,
But I won't describe it well:
Your arms around me,
When I feel safest and loved,
Is the moment I wait for.

Unexpected poke
In my side where it tickles:
I shriek with a laugh.
How do you still surprise me
The same way every time?

Listening to you
As we sit and look outside:
Your voice on my ears
Is a song of silent peace,
Calling for me to just breathe.

I can run and jump,
I can sit through the traffic,
And I can bear it
When the crowds are surrounding.
You take the fears from my mind.

Life has new meaning,
And death is not haunting me.
The trees grew this spring
And my heart grew inside me,
Reaching without fear of loss.

When I look ahead,
I see a haze, maybe storms.
I might need a coat.
But the God of Heaven knows
And will prepare us for rain.

So as I sit here
Waiting for you to come home,
I know He sees us
And He holds our lives gently,
Using life to grow our faith.

6-2-17 ACS

#alx10 #tanka #57577