Although you hide your love
I can feel the admiration
you have for me
in the way you moan in my ear
and whisper sweet nothings
as if you were loving me
even if it were just for the night.

I want You to take me up
and crash me into Your waves
with the force of Your love
and protect me from the undertow
because I know You're always
by my side, I can trust You.
I only pray that You don't
let me sink into the darkest depths
of my unforsaken heart
and help me see the sunset.

I can picture that one day
we will be together
and we will be happy
and so in love
walking along the coastline
hand in hand
laughing, touching
and we will stay out until the sun set
praying that the day will never end
because you can't imagine the possibility
of never having another day
without them.

Yeah, I hope for that one day.

You say you remember those days we had
like the one on the pier, near the boat docks
wrongfully holding hands
even though everything felt so incredibly right

or the day we spent in the trees and garden
behind my aunt's house
and we shared things that were only sacred
to you, and to me

and we had that one final day
where you decided
without any push or sway from me
that we were to be no more

and god do I wish I tried to sway your
unfaltering, unforgiving voice.
oh how I wish I just would've
fought a little bit harder.

Well, it’s 3 in the morning
and you’re still standing
Beside that rain-covered window
And I don’t know why

I hope that you are
Just admiring the mosaic tones
The raindrops give as you try
To stare right through

But you know and I think so too
That this is all we have left
You and your window
And me here just watching

And still the rain pours
And the sheets stay creased
And it’s been awhile
Since I’ve noticed either one

I wrote you a letter
with tears and spilled ink
saying how I felt
writing all my fears;
that piece of parchment
holds all my secrets
it knows all my hiding places
and I was willing to show you
in hopes that you'd stay.

It's odd to think that
among everything inside
the universe, I still matter.

Two poets fell in love
with words that flowed
from the same fingertips
that grazed each other’s faces
and emotions that fell on paper
just as they found their way
into their hearts.

And this went on for quite some time
as their hearts bled like the ink from a pen
until there was nothing left but
blackened tears that lined the parchment.

Don't **** with the ones
whose dreams are so high
that skyscrapers can't meet the tops
of the possibilities that float in the sky
or the hopes that lay at their feet
so easy to grasp that
all they need is just a little push
and then a running start
and the courage to set sail
on a path into the unknown.

That was the night that
Radiohead blared through
my radio speakers
and we made out like
it was going out of style
and the stars shined so bright
as we held each other
on the hood of my car
and to this day
I wonder why
because everything was so great
and i loved you 'til the very end.

She saw how the angry, greyish ocean
crashed upon the shore
with such fury and disgust
and couldn't help but compare it
to the endless nights where
she'd sit and stare at that
hateful, taunting piece of glass
with a reflection as grotesque
as the image of the waves
while they aimed to devour the coastline.

I have a hard time
not regretting things I've done,
but sometimes it eats away at you
like an unhealing wound.

I wish I could say
that there isn't one thing
I would have changed about us
but we'd both know I'd be lying.

And really, who am I kidding?
I would take you back
in a heartbeat,
everything in its entirety.

There is a comfort in holding on,
but an even greater relief in letting go
the one thing that taught you about love.

The only things guaranteed in life are
the fall of the sun and rise of the moon
and even sometimes that is questioned.

The roads, they sway
and curve like
the veins that
run up my arms
fueling the life
inside me
like the roads that
live forever
through the night
until daybreak
until they crumble
and decay
like the skin that
protects my
long lasting veins
but they'll always
leave behind
the memory of
how both lived
the fiercest lives.

Please wait 'til I get home
Wait 'til I no longer see
state lines and skylines
because I swear things will be
different
and we will be
different
and I'll sing you to sleep
and touch your face
and love you until
the end of time.

One night I watched a girl
as she immersed herself into the sea
with tears streaming down her face
but there was no telling any difference
between the salty waves and
the droplets that left her screaming eyes.
And I didn't know how to help her
or why she cursed the night sky
as if it brought her pain to see darkness.
But all the while, or really not until just before
did I realize this girl was me
as she sank to the ocean floor.

So, you've taken what's mine,
left a wound in my side,
and now I must find
what the purpose was this whole time
because this cut won't heal
and my heart will bleed
searching for answers
far too few and none plenty
but I will never let you see the struggle
that has left me bruised and broken
for I am a much better person
sobered and steady
and glowing with pride.

You must try to move on
and rid your skin of the
tiny pieces of pain
and free your soul
of the memories that
make you feel so alone
because in all reality
there will always be
someone there for you
you'll always have that
shoulder to lean on
and cry your eyes and heart out
and they will never want to leave you
no matter how scared you are that they might.

I can't stand the thought
of you with someone else
because though you're not mine
at least not really,
they get to have what I want
and that's you, all to myself
with nothing else in between
except thin linen sheets
and raw skin.

I can't help but be selfish.

The ones who say
they can live on their own
are liars.

Those who say
that love doesn't matter
are liars.

I say this with the intention
that one cannot live without
that one cannot find from anything else;

the conversation with others
or a simple graze of the hand
or a kiss every once in a while.

You'll always need someone
there for you, for any reason
even as miniscule as a "hello".

I'd tie loose ends for you.

This is what I need --
to be free,
to break the chains
that hold my wrists
so tightly --
because I can no longer
be a slave to these
empty emotions
that have never
brought me warmth.

I’m spending more days inside
my thoughts, wrapped in the
layers of sheets, in the creases
of my mattress and I think
it’s a sign that something’s
wrong but I don’t care
I just don’t
care.

I shouldn't be thinking of all the
what-ifs and should haves
but sometimes I can't help but
feel as if there could have been
more if we had just asked.

Some nights
I sit and wish
that stars could collide
with the raindrops
and fall upon my skin
so that I could absorb
the glittering stardust
and illuminate my ribcage
that is so haunted and burdened
with feelings that can
only escape through the light
of something so everlasting
as the millions of stars
in the night sky.

how can you stand there
and say these words
that cut like the razorblade
you hold to my throat
and whisper in my ear
"it’s not real, it never was real."

when all i felt was
love than spanned cities and state lines
that could take away the slightest bit of pain
like the kind when you left me
at the side of the road
with no one else to lean on.

I have come to know
the perpetuity of loneliness
the habits that are formed
when one has no one but their own

I have come to stare
at an empty image
of a person in a state of grey
An endless grey that soon will not heal

And now I have come to fall
on to a cold, barren bed
Drafty and stale as it grazes over
the long-faded lines that you have left

You can stay
if you want to
(I'd very much like it if you would)
no one's asking you to leave
but if you do decide
that we are no long we
please do it with ease
for my heart has seen
pain and sorrow
far too many times
that it hurts so much
to invest what's left
of my bruised and battered
heart.

You could change me
if only you'd be here
by my side
until the end of time.

You could fix my broken bones
and mend the holes in my heart
and tell me that everything
will be alright, only if you want.

But in all honesty
I need you more
than you need me
and so I beg you to just stay.

Can we take it back
to the evening when the sky
was lit to the brightest hue
of reds and oranges
and lay on top of the roaring ocean
as we glided hand in hand
along the shoreline
even though we got soaked
together in the rolling tide?
Because I'd give anything in this world
to have just that evening back.

It was in the way
our leaves fell to the ground
and our branches collided
and our trunks fell upon one another
while the wind blew us down
and although we fell hard and swift
our roots still were sunk deep within the ground
showing no budge or sway
because that is where they (we) will remain:
until the water runs dry
and the sky grows dark
-- anchored in the earth.

If all that separates me from you
is just the sky and sea
I would learn how to both swim
and fly and breathe underwater
all so the miles grew into feet
and then to inches
and then to the palms of your hands.

It's the way it creeps into your brain
and intoxicates your thoughts
and triggers unwanted emotions
and inhibits your every move
leaving you paralyzed from
the neck down.

And there's nothing you can do
except take the red or blue pill --
a temporary solution to
a lifelong illness
that will stop at nothing to
devour all the good inside you.

I just wish it would stop
and allow me to breathe
and keep my chest from feeling
as if a thousand needles are lodged inside.
That's my small request.
Why can't I have that?

"I did not intend for it to be permanent"
were the exact words you said to me
on October 3rd, 2011

I don't know why I dwell on such
a far away date in my
torn and tattered notebook

but I do because
it gives me hope that
you haven't forgotten about me

and that you still care
and wish that one day
we can be something more again.

I'm in love with a mother's son
with brown hair and brown eyes
with a husk in his voice
and gently pursed lips
in just a t-shirt and blue jeans.

Now, you see, it's been years
since we've spoken or even seen each other
but I can still remember what it feels like to
touch the stubble on his face
and feel his fingers interlaced with mine.

I died that night
where we sat on either
side of our empty bed
tears in my eyes
and hands shaking.

I died that night
when you said
you don't love me
the way you used to;
I couldn't say a word.

I died that night
when you packed the
only suitcase we owned
and went to the door
and my screams wouldn't

bring you back to me.

The calm --
it sweeps through my arms
and grazes my hair
as it washes over
my scarred, battered skin.

It speaks --
it tells me of all the sorrows I've suffered
in my ear,
where I cannot help but overhear
the words that should soothe but do not.

Its touch --
so cold, so ice cold
that my shivers are uncontrollable
and I cannot hide, or speak, or think
because the silent noise overwhelms every inch of me.

It's a tragedy that
it has taken me
all this time
to realize what love is --
what touching palm to palm
and caressing cheeks
and softly kissing lips
and your hands on my bare skin --
and the power it had
to win me over like that.

There’s a ghost that haunts these parts
he lingers on these pages
full of words, such fanciful words,
that my eyes, my mouth, my heart
still get lost in.

There’s a poet who once wrote
such vivid words about our past
that romanticized our togetherness
and gave it an eternity in the abyss of the internet
so I can relive those soul-crushing movie script endings.

There’s a boy who once said
he loved me more than anyone in this world
that he’d do anything for me,
that somehow, some way we’d find each other again
and pick up like no time or distance had come between us.

But that boy turned into a man, a brave man
just as I turned into a woman, a fearless woman
learning that even best friends, best lovers
come and go, and they might never
come back.  

Some days, I’m sad it’s not you who I wake up next to in the morning.

Most days, I just miss having my best friend.

She let herself lose control in
the blue-black depths of her heart
that rolled with the undertow of
thoughts and memories that consumed her.

Waves upon waves crashed upon her
as she tried to forget the
days when she smiled with love
but those days no longer existed.

She couldn't find it in her to
see the glory of the air
that kept her lungs from collapsing
or the wind blowing her hair.

You came into my life
at an unexpected time
in the most unusual way
yet everything about you
seemed to fit with ease
like the way you smiled
with your teeth or
how you place your hand
against my cheek
or how with the uttermost perfection
you fit into the crease of my neck
with such grace and such love
and all I can ask if you'd like to
stay.

I saw you for what you're worth, yet all you could see was the darkness that never left from your mistakes.

One day I hope that
you will see me as
someone to love
rather than
someone to shelter.

I’ve been missing you to death, but I just hope you’re still breathing.

Love can no longer be my muse because how can you use such a foreign thing to write such meaningful words?

We spent our days engrossed in emotion that only loved ones could obtain, yet we never gave a name to what was created in our own special way.

I see your face in everything
-- the reflection of a dripping wet window,
the whispering leaves on a mangrove tree
in the creases of my rustled bedsheets --
I see you in everything I cannot avoid.

I need to stop.

I need to stop writing about you. My god, I sound pathetic.