When you're first admitted
You'll lie through your teeth
You'll swear you don't belong here
You'll say you don't need help
But as days turn into weeks
And weeks turn into months
You'll begin to realize
Your house isn't a home
Your dad isn't a father
And the mirror lies to you.

If I can,
I will say
that
you are
no longer
a part of my life,
but
that will
definitely mean
I'm finished
living
for I know
you are
the only
part of my life
     -cute crazy-

I sit down to write a poem,
actually write, not type.
Because pencil against paper is
satisfying. It's warm, not cold,
not like keys on a laptop, or worse
a touch screen, that's not touch.
Because I want to feel,
everything, but I haven't yet.
I sit down to write a poem,
I got nothing.

I lost the ***** that held my world together
There is no finding it now
And yes, I looked between the cushions of the couch
I prepare to run because
Like water through a busted dam it is coming
Like the pain of a stubbed toe it arrives in a furious instant
That asks for select curse words to be shouted
But so unlike pain in my toe, it does not fade
My world comes crashing down
The clouds in the sky fall
As dust onto my outstretched fingertips
(They hope to catch a bit of my falling world)
The atmosphere caves in
The air pressure intensifies
Until it has wrapped me
In a straight-jacket and
I
Am  
Paralyzed
I Search for your comforting eyes as you
Distantly ask me if I am okay I’m not
Okay but I cannot
Open my mouth
For the words to say because
I cannot move an inch to save you
Let alone myself
I couldn’t even save a
Word document right now
I try to scream but  
I
Can’t
Speak
And my world is crashing down
The water from the busted dam
Hits me like a concrete wall
My useless straight-jacketed body
Is swept away  
The water washes away all emotion  
I
Can’t
Feel
The sound of my demise is so loud
In my ears
I cannot hear you any longer
I
Can’t
Hear
The lack of oxygen
In my brain
Turns off the light  
I cannot see the stars
I
Can’t
See
Water everywhere
World crashing down
I
Am
Drowning
My heart beats too
Fast
Fast
Fast
I don’t have enough air to
Last
Last
Last
World
Crashing
Down
I
Can’t
Move
Can’t
Speak
Nor
Feel
Hear
See,
I
(Gasp)
Can’t
(Gasp)
Breathe.

thousands of kids enter the school
I crouch in the corner, trapped
my limbs shake and my heart races

my mom wants to buy a new purse
I shrink away, run to the door
my legs wont move but my mind runs

my best friend didn't call me back
does she need help? does she hate me?
my last meal is being flushed away

*Generalized Anxiety

Not a flinch
Nor a word screamed
But the red stained carpet,
Matches the covered wrist

Blade thinning
Blood thickens
Deep breath and slight sigh

Blunt.
Sharp.
Neither will stop the urge
Nor will the screams for help

Scars heal
Memories dont
Memories wont...