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 Oct 2016 Angela Moreno
Jared Eli
Barry Manilow said he wrote the songs that made the whole world sing
And all I do is sit
And type
And listen to him sing
While I cry

Billy Joel told me that he just wanted someone that he could talk to
And I only listened
Didn't say anything of importance
Or anything at all
For that matter

Adam Duritz sang that he was the rain king
And I remember
Everytime I sit near a window
Or stand out in the street
When it rains

Ingrid Michaelson told me that she just wanted to be ok
And I knew that she'd be ok
If she was singing
And being her creative self
With me

I wanted to sing my compositions and act and dance
But the songs and words
Of my favourite artists
Seem like an unreachable
Plateau
 Oct 2016 Angela Moreno
Lucid
"She says, 'It's only in my head.'
She says, 'Shh, I know it's only in my head."

I was baptized when I was four years old
except it didn't turn out like most baptisms do.
It was a backwards baptism,
my childish innocence was left floating in the bath water like dead skin
and I stepped out bathed in sin.
Reborn in sin.
Seeds of sin
planted into my growing body
by the man with the face like Jesus.
"**** on it like a lollipop", he said
trying to appeal to the childish innocence
that he unknowingly stole
just moments before.

I did as he said
obedient child that I was.
I didn't know the difference then
like I do now
but the difference doesn't even matter anymore.
When you plant corrupted seeds
you grow a corrupted tree.

Now I wake up with blood under my fingernails
from trying to shed the hate
branded into my skin.
Now I'm constantly fighting a civil war
between the devil and god
raging inside of me.
Now I feel guilty for who I have become
because I never knew how innocence felt.
Now my poisoned mind only knows to yield
to the sinful whispers
that float inside my head
whenever I close my eyes.

I may have lost my innocence
but I guess
I didn't lose my obedience.

"But the ******* the car in the parking lot
says, 'Man, you should try to take a shot.
Can't you see my walls are crumbling?'
Then she looks up at the building
says she's thinking of jumping
says she's tired of life.
She must be tired of something."
We talk just like lions
but we sacrifice like lambs
'Round here
she's slipping through my hands
I remember well the day
My daddy went to war
Place called Vietnam
Still don't know what for

Still don't know what for
Haunts me to this day
Never got a chance
To put flowers on his grave

Flowers on his grave
May not mean a lot
But he'd be there to listen
To the questions that I've got

Questions that I've got
Answers that I don't
Why'd he have to die
And leave me all alone

Leave me all alone
Here all by myself
In a world that doesn't care
About nobody else

About nobody else
That walks upon this land
Especially for my daddy
Who died in a place called Vietnam
"That's what passion looks like"
That's what you told me after you kissed me
After I gave you all I had
I gave you my entire heart
Every piece of my soul
And I don't want anyone else
I want you
And only you
My sweet love
You are my passion
I want you forever
You question me
'Will you die for me...
No no that's too easy...
Will you...
Live for me?'
Willing to stay beside you
Willing to be with you no matter what
Willing to hold onto us no matter what happens...
We will fight...
I say 'Yes'
I will live for you
Every day
Forever
You and I
Always.
A reciting of the Joker's lines...
Probably one of the most romantic and passionate lines ever said to me...
And I replied 'Yes' with absolute sincerity and truth.
 Oct 2016 Angela Moreno
Matt
I don't think my therapist
Understood
That I truly cared
And loved her

I'm too simple
Too good

She left
With a week's warning
Never to be heard
Or seen again

I hope she repents

She was my companion
And friend

I'm a good man
I'm a loving man

I love women
And yes
I can use a *******

It feels good

I don't have
Any female friends

My therapist
Was cruel
And selfish

From my therapist
I learned never
To trust human beings

How can I forgive you

You could have said
You would miss meeting with me
Or that the times were
Meaningful to you

Shame on you
For what you did

You will be put on trial
For neglect

For neglecting to care

You'll just leave
Me alone
Sitting over there

My female friend
Never came

You went on about hope
Easy for you
To blab about Hope

With your rich family

You will know
Great suffering
In this country

You will live
During the Third World War
Like I will

You will know suffering

I just wanted to meet
Once a week

Now I'm going to have
To go see another therapist
For what you did

Deceiver, Deceiver
One who deceives

The bombs fall
Where they fall
The suffering comes
To us all

Burn bright, burn bright
Burn in the middle of the night

A ruined home
At dawn's early light

******* America
******* America

A prideful, wicked, and corrupt land
Let it be judged for its sins
This is God's plan

You laughed at me
At times
I did not get as aroused
As I used to

You said, I won't write that
I wouldn't want anyone to see

I mentioned that was momentary
And that I had bought my flashlight
To ****** into

I'm a man
And considered using
A *******

I didn't know
Who I was
When I talked to you

Telling you about
Wearing *******

About being kind and loving

You are wicked
One who listens
And leaves

******* you
******* you

I'm a man
I'm a man

I don't wear women's clothes!
I'm not gay

I like women

Somebody understand me

I'm a man
And I love women

And I ****** into my flashlight

And I thought about
What it would be like
To be a woman

To be different

I thought about my identity
I tried to express

I told you all these things

******* you

You sadist
And hedonist

I bent over against the bed
And ****** it

I'm not gay!
I don't pleasure men

And the men who love
Other men
Well that is wonderful for them

You don't understand
I'm a man, I love women
I'm kind and caring

I want to pleasure a woman
I want to **** a woman

My ***** is normal
It is 6 inches

I'll show you
I'll show this flashlight
And ******* ****** into it

Men prove themselves
With feats of strength
And martial arts

While gentlemen
With good minds

Sit alone in their rooms
And *******
And cry!

There are no women
No women who want
A kind man

No women who want me

And I liked talking to you
You were kind
And caring

I trusted you
I enjoyed meeting
Once a week

Karma will come
And it won't be fun
When you suffer
Under an angry God's sun!

I'm not angry
I miss talking to you
You were my friend

I'm tired now
If I ever just walk off
Into the wilderness

It was because
I despise deceivers

I trusted you
You should have given me
More warning

Now an angry God
Will make you pay
And you should burn
Burn brightly on judgement day

Well, we all deserved damnation
But it's okay

Dear Jesus help me
Forgive the deceiver today
 Oct 2016 Angela Moreno
M
When I look at you, I feel like I am dying. Not the bad kind of dying, but the kind of dying where my lungs forget how to function and the oxygen can't seem to find its' way in.
The kind of dying where every hair on my body stands straight up, the muscles contracting like an icy wind just crept up my spine- frigid and tempting.
My eyes can't seem to break their gaze from you, like one of those cheesey scenes from a romance movie where they zoom in slowly on the person's face- locked on fixation.
My heart-rate slows, making it feel like there's no blood left in my body to pump, movements as slow as an IV drip full of Morphine.
Like my veins closed up and are rejecting circulation- just as i am rejecting focus on anything but you.
I can feel a warmth creep through me, like venom seeping into my blood after a deadly bite from a pit viper- just the perfect temperature to hatch the thousands of cocoons resting in my stomach lining.
I go to open my mouth, to speak to you, to converse about silly things like why the moon and sun never seem to meet, or why human toes are so odd- but all that seems to break its' way out of my body are butterflies of the most potent vibrancy, colors that don't even have names.
Colors so vivid and enchanting that only fairytales and daydreams could house them, conjure them up with spells of the highest power.
Your eyes catch me staring and I go weak in the knees- my body unable to decide whether it'd rather collapse to the ground in a motionless pile, sinking into the soil to become the undergrowth that feeds fungi and small flowers, or to kick itself into hyper-drive, frolicking about like a newborn fawn feeling sun on its back during its' first Spring.
Yet all it seems my mind can really fathom is the craving for you, like an intense sense of fiending for nicotine crawling through my flesh.
An addiction I couldn't stop, even if I wanted to. Since I will never stop wanting you.
Hungry
Thirsty
Starving
Craving
Needing
Desiring
Coveting
Indulging
Enabling
Happy
Sad
Angry
Mad
Horney
Lonely
Pathetic
*****
Spread to thin
Busy
Jumpy
Cluttered
Smashed
Thrashed
Dead
Asleep
Stagnate
Envious
Jealous
Greedy
Bad
Sinful
Destructive
Wasteful
Deceitful
Self absorbed
Liar
Tall
Small
Honest
Docile
Loving
Constipated
Shaking
Quivering
Sick
Tired
Faithful
Habitual
Stubborn
I greet another, she can't greet me. Alone in the world I'll be. To California I've followed me there, every girl I've met shows despair.

I enter the forest, I follow a friend. But when she sees me she's silent and still.

I chase my shadow, I follow the sun. But it's dark and I'm alone again soon. Here is the question, it isn't asked but is seen. Will I always feel for much more than the human beings.

Ravens suggestions and snow covered pines, for her I'd rearrange time. I have never forgotten our words, we'll keep the promise even though it's absurd. Children gut themselves with the knife, and bleed publicly but their mothers know why. We shallow our breaths, we hold our heads down, and beat our fists on our chests. Through tomorrow we'll lay in our empty beds. Until the poison softens our heads.

She never gave me an apology. I just sit alone drinking bottom-shelf wine. I take down the down with the drugs and go down and warm myself with some morphine and smoke till I'm gone. Drop the fire on my pants, set fires to the floors, until she'll take me to the bed that once was just ours.
 Oct 2016 Angela Moreno
Ma Cherie
I am not naive
I know how far
the stars are
away from me
wanting to see
I reach and beseech
to know
to love
to grow
to touch them
and hope I won't get burned
you think I would have learned
deprived of judgment
and reason
put out my singed wings,
cuz a silent voice can't sing
still scorching hot
white light,
I wonder not
I just couldn't fight
or save my sight
burning my retinas
with no surprise
I've taken flight
I cover up my eyes
with Rose Colored Glasses
taking off into the darkness
sightless, feeling empty
delving deeper
into the light
the night,
I follow you
everywhere ...
                     you
                            are.

      

Cherie Nolan © 2016
Muse keeps coming... in the stars
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