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I am the most comfortable when I am surrounded by flowers,
They are beautiful and I am not, so they are doing me a favor,

One day I will be laid to rest with an entire meadow watching over me,
and I will be the most content I could ever be,

I want to be surrounded by a crown of thorns, roses in every joint of my body,
I used to be so beautiful, I used to be so careless,

I am crucified without consent,
I am a twisted messiah stumbling over broken poetry and broken women,
Broken hearts and broken feelings,
I am living it up, do not try to ever convince me otherwise, it is **** near impossible,

I try so hard to convince myself that this is okay, and that everything is okay; that I am beautiful and that this is all happening for reasons I have yet to understand,
But it is ***** near impossible
 Jun 2016 Andrew Siegel
Julia Mae
you look so lonely when you hunch your shoulders
and twist your fingers so tightly together
sitting in the corner, with your knees pressed to your chest
face covered, i can only hear mumbles
you look so lonely because this is how you always remain
so closed off and far away
if only you could allow me to see your face
maybe you could see there is a better way
than living inside of this solitude which is painting you pitch black
so much more color, you don't even have to ask
just rest your shoulders, release your fingers
stretch out your legs, lift your head from your lap
the world is brighter than you think, and i've been here all along sitting by your side
trying to make you see
In our desperation
To be loved
To be understood
To be held in great regard
We forgot to do the same for others.
The reflecting pool lay long and flat, a massive mirror door...
I stepped up to it's concrete edge, and looked down to it's floor.
I saw pale tiles beneath the water, some pennies, a dime, a nail.
I dropped my thoughts beneath this sea, which quickly grew in scale.

One foot of water became, thus, ten... A hundred... thousand... more.
My view was that of one who's soaring many miles above some shore.
I was, at once, consumed with fear at how this made me feel,
That is to say, I convinced myself that this height was truly real.

That was when I dreamed I fell, but before I'd be no more,
I had much time to think awhile on what had come before.
I had much time to regret the past, and dread what was yet to be,
Saw images of fortune, ruin, the dust of you; the ashes of me.

Small joys helped to bridge the gaps where fear eroded hope,
The terror of  my empty room, the makeshift hanging rope.
My thoughts of death reminded me that the moment should be much more,
I opened my eyes to the rushing air, my throat felt raw and sore,
Looked down to see a blaze of leaves and the fast approaching forest floor.

Asleep, I fell, through sunlit leaves that seemed to fill the space,
Awake, I stood beside the pool when you had touched my face.
Something in your eyes was telling me you were concerned,
You somehow knew the man who left was not the man who returned.

We stood at the shore then, you and I, expressing futures yet to pass,
Fishing out mythologies and illusions that might last.
Our mouths were full of histories and secrets that we bared,
The reassuring comfort that illusions can be shared.

Look east and see the brightening sky, but not yet see the sun,
Look west and see the shrinking black,
The place where last night's stars have run.

Look up and see the limbs and leaves of the high forest canopy,
The ones above the gloom that's half obscuring you and me...
A bright gold glow suffuses them, but only way up high,
Where they already see the dawn, and the guiding star that fills their sky.

I'm reminded by these tall trees rising high into the air,
When shadow darkens my small world, but light is everywhere,
You do not need to see the sun to know that it is there.

So as I lifted up my face,
To where sunlight paints the highest tree,
In this expansive time and place,
I felt the same; beautiful and free.
Read here by the author:

This is a collaboration with a poet friend.  We have traded original titles and tasked each, the other, with writing anything at all under that title.  No rules, just the title as a touchstone; a point of departure.  My friend's titles are sometimes long and descriptive. This one made me think of a sensory experience I have had in dreams and waking hours, too, where I play with the reference of world scale inside of my head, my relative spatial perception becoming expansive and colossal.    The title evoked the memory of this feeling, so I set about describing it in verse.
 Jun 2016 Andrew Siegel
Julia Mae
i sat outside for a long time
and contemplated suicide
i smoked cigarette after cigarette
growing frustrated as i reached the end of my pack
i took drink after drink, unaware of the heaviness my head was causing me
i was already hazy, so i didn't notice the tears that were blinding me
i thought of how many people would attend my funeral
i pondered if i should even leave a note
i wondered desperately how many people loved me
i grew more anxious when i realized there was none
i passed out outside, under the moon and star light
i knew that by now i was so drunk that i could end it without a second thought
yet in the morning, i awoke still alive
i often wonder why i want to die
i wonder why i haven't done it by now
i wonder -
what a life,
always thinking of suicide
 Jun 2016 Andrew Siegel
 Jun 2016 Andrew Siegel
What a terrifying day to be alive
What a terrifying week
What a terrifying year

50 lives lost
No a single rainbow is shining down on us today

I cry for the lives of the people i never knew
and i cry because we never know what those souls could have done for our world

Another day older, but i feel so small
Nothing i can do, but mourn and hope for a better tomorrow

Justice went un served for a victim who spoke out,
and the rest of us cry, because we didn't have the courage

Why cant the world see non consensual *** does not exist
There's  only one word for it, and its ****

All the horror going on around me, each tear falling from my eyes is bringing each small ounce of hope and happiness with it

This week i have told myself i don't want to live on this planet,
but that's a slap in the face to everybody who no longer has the chance

Tomorrow i will be a better me, i will honor the lives lost to violence and hate. I will put forth more generosity, kindness, and understanding for the ones around me who lack it. I will not give up. The people committing these horrible acts of violence and intolerance need me to be the best person that i can be.
Take a moment of silence for all the lives lost this year due to senseless acts of violence.
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