Purple hair, purple jewellery, and clothes.
Purple everything. The cross between male
and female. Mixed in a painting *** with dried up brush.
The coloured high of the ultimate low, for me.

It has caused me to see, beyond
my own yearnings and see that of more deeply
penetrating needs. Another living in my
soul. Cruel to me. One I couldn’t have fathomed had

I not fallen, into the dark. To see, to
need the pain and crush the happy thoughts.
Crave purple things above all. Crave a taste bitter
only sleep too long can create. Any creation is

hailed, heckled as the act of treason. How dare
you feel anything constructive?! And hide in
a corner till it’s gone. Till the thoughts vapor into
thin air and nothing is left but empty blackness.

Stand up, failing at first two attempts, and gain the
strength to not be ridiculed a third. Falling forward,
hanging in mid air. The wood hits the ribs, and sharp
pain adds to the blunt. The thumping in the words,

the washing of blood in the ears. The whinnying noise, tone
of loneliness reaffirming this connection cut off
felt from birth on. Never able to join the ranks of the
careless. Whether one lives or dies. Afraid to live, stuck

behind a thick glass wall. Alienation from birth, being
addicted to the dark. With purple hue. Purple ledged
in the deep of my soul. Purgatory keeps a flame to warm my
naked arms and legs. Huddled in the moist cold of

the hidden part of the mind. The most fundamental. Foundation
to build a life upon. Not fully corroded but hole ridden and
making for a perfect tomb. When life ends and you are
left with the colour of both male and female the same. Colour

of sadness.

© 2004

If I carved the words "I love you"
into every inch of my skin,
would you believe them?
Would you believe me?

If I painted a picture of my heart
with the very blood that it pumps,
would you cherish it?
Would you cherish me?

If I promised that there was no one else,
that there was only you,
would you accept that?
Would you accept me?

i feel you, i do,
from the inside out, deeply,
     with rhythm in every thought,
     patience in every breath,
     wisdom in every word,

and for a little while,
i imagine our hearts,
     though distant,
     beating together, closely
     like a clock (tick tock)

We laugh
at least you do
I watch you laughing
thinking the joke wasn't really that funny
at least to me

But maybe that's the punchline
I know to you this all makes sense

But that's a different punchline isn't it
for another joke I've never heard
or just don't find funny

maybe this just lacks context, don't you think
even the slightest sense of reality

But the gap between where I stand and where you do is only getting wider
we're drifting, but not together

You keep punching holes in your boat
like bad jokes
asking where the waters come from as you sink

lower
              lower
                         lower

I think its time I untied you from my life (preserver)
less you climb aboard when your boat sinks

Bad jokes and all
no punchline here

Just you and I, not making any sense at all

Eyes of tigress look—
Her gentle ways gone at night,                                                          
  .  .  .  Sacred and profane.

There's a color in my head, it wont leave me alone
As the peacock feathers, she's got no where to go
So I just smoked her down, left a funny taste in my mouth
No longer can I breathe in, I'll have to do without

This lung
And this heart
Is filled
With tar

He said he was your lover, with real debonair
Filled you up with warm words, that weren't really there
His hand was on yours, felt like a shackle
Frozen straight to the heart, he felt so cold

His heart
and his mouth
Were filled
With his own doubt

I swear to god I'm trying
But my lungs can barely move
Trying to breathe you in
But there isn't much space