I took a box
and filled it with everything that hurt me to look at
and surrounded myself only with things
that existed in a time before you

I lay in bed
every night with a clenched jaw
and try to forget every memory except those
that existed in a time before you

It's not easy
I see you and instead of smiling warmly,
running to you,
showing you that there is no part of me that could ever really hate you,
I look away
because I had to forget you along the way

The reason why you can't exist
and nothing you've touched can exist
and nothing that you said or did or sang or loved can exist
is because it took me far too long to remember
that I existed in a time before you

I wish it were Autumn
the blistering rays of the summer sun
weigh me down just as heavily as winter's snow
the opportunity of summer suffocates me
similarly to the winter's sudden shadows

I bloom like a lily in April but shrivel like a garden unattended in June
I am the cool mist in the air in October that you miss as you sweat in the heat in July

Written in the stars
a message just for me.
You always ask me why
I'm stuck staring at the sky.
They're blinking up there to tell me the Truth:
immortality exists for the masses,
a beautiful tragedy for the individual me.

When one ant dies,
you still groan over the colonies' persistence,
even while they process
that pour soul to his grave.

When one stars goes out,
you still gasp at the sky on a clear night,
saying there couldn't possibly be anymore out there.

Well I may die my own woman,
and I may make my mark on this world,
but someone will be looking down on us
when my colors fly,
remarking on the endurance of the human race.

I'm sitting in a theater and watching my life on the screen
Every song I've ever loved plays in the background
I see myself underscored by lyrics I wish I wrote
All of my moments are time perfectly
To crescendo and dissolve on cue
And it fades to black before we see my big decision
Do I run from the edge? Do I hide myself away again?
Or do I pursue the life I seem to crave,
And earn my sweeping cinematic moment
While my favorite song plays in the background?

The credits roll and the music presses on
And before long I realize
That I've been staring out a car window
Listening to music that makes my heart hurt
And wishing that life were scripted
Yet again

We fell in time
with the heartbeat of this city
Our eyes blinded
by the bright lights of Times Square

Both of us craving
the sweet summer sun
and the soft suburban stars
of home

But both of us afraid
that we may have found a new home
on the banks of the Hudson river
beneath the red Manhattan moon

Too sweet to slow down
Too quick to ask questions
Too late to build walls
Too soon to take them down

I am the round peg
a small child tries furiously
To fit into a square hole

You are their wooden blocks
Endlessly creating new and exciting worlds
Despite your inconspicuous appearance

I seem to fit every mold
While you have created your own
But I drain out through the cracks
And you remain intact

You forge paths for yourself
Unafraid of the consequences
Sure of your destination
Sure of your course

I wander
Not with lust but with thirst
Yearning to find anything at all
Anything of meaning, of worth
Anything remotely resembling a place
Where I think I can be happy
And where maybe you will be able
To meet me along your way

But every time I think I've found this place
I know I’m only settling in mind, not body
And I watch as you continue on
So sure and so fast

I feel nostalgic for the love you haven't given me
For a life that wasn't mine to live

And it burns like nothing else to feel your poetry all over her
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be a song

But there are still so many stars I want to show you
And so many things I want to see through your eyes

Watching the seasons pass feels different when I'm holding your hand
And I could get used to feeling like I'm not sure what comes next

So I hope the summer hasn't swept you away into the undertoe
Because I'm waiting under a canopy of colored leaves
To see autumn on by your side

It would be fine
if you drank your coffee black
if you ate only ancient philosophy
if you breathed melancholy melodies onto the page

It would be fine
if it hadn't made your heart bitter
if the stoicism hadn't turned you to stone
if you didn't lock yourself in a glass tower to do so

You seem to think of me as a canvas
but that would be fine
if you didn't try to replicate your illusions onto me

You seem to think of yourself as a piece of art
but even that would be fine
if you weren't made of immovable marble

The farther you stand from a fire
the less likely you are to be burnt
but the closer you get
the greater the chance of feeling its warmth

I have so many blisters and scars
still warm to the touch

How can I justify
moving towards the flame again?

The city is turning to the sun like a flower
Cherry blossoms fall as I wander down Mercer
Someone built a nest on my fire escape
Cloudy days and sleeping in late
But it doesn't feel like spring at all

Maybe its because he's spring to me
He's the smell of rain on the sidewalk
And I hear his laugh in the rustling trees
And his heart in the warmth of the dog park

I have the heart of a hummingbird
Looking for somewhere to land, unheard
But he floats on air like dandelion wishes
Carrying promises to far off places

Tease me until I cry
I'd let spring pass me by
For just a day in the warmth of his sun