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You saw didn't you.
Yes, yes.
Her cold stare as obvious as your sunken skin,
The void engulfing you,
You aren't yourself.

Don't move,
The end has already come and gone.
As the moon lights your way to the ocean,
It's fractured even then
In the evanescence of time and space.
Heart racing, don't jump!

A haunted, hollow place inside your skull.
You know of this place,
It's home.
Cry now, don't cry later.
You're ugly.


No.

You’re the ugly one,

With scotch tainting your breath

And shaky hands.

Coming home late;

Yelling.



I promise.


Always.

Every time is a letdown.

Too bad you can’t fix broken promises

The way you can fix a sink;

Easily.



I'm a soldier.


Yes.

But bravery you lack.

You hide behind the bottle,

Liquid courage for a man

Who really has none

At all



I love you.*


Really?

You say as you pour another glass

And spout more nonsense

About how you wish

You never had kids,

ever
she loved to dance to love ballads.
but she always danced alone.
he - also loved to dance.
but never with her - each night he swayed with potent gin.
whirled with Mary Jane.
he'd waltz through the door each Friday night,
Jack still bleeding into his tongue, two of his shirt buttons still undone.
too in love to stand.
she'd drag him to the bedroom, poisoned by the smell of perfume.
sandalwood and cherry -
still lingered on his hands.
scarlet strokes smeared across his cheek.
he'd lay upon the sheets that smelled of vanilla,
but would soon smell of whiskey and another woman's perfume.
and the silk pillow would become the sea-
soaked entirely, absorbed in cerulean heartbreak.
she still kissed him good night, but even his tongue didn't dance with hers anymore.
said every time she kissed him, he tasted like goodbye.

and five years passed,
their bedroom still smells like vanilla,
but the pillow is still absorbed with liquid despair.
because the room is no longer theirs.
she still dances from time to time.
with his ex lover.
says it tastes like him.
a poem to illustrate my parent's relationship, this house still tastes like heartbreak.
I’ll cut your throat and bleed you out
Go ahead and scream and shout
My rage won’t cease, this time you’re dead
If I were you I’d never go to bed.
I’ll eat your flesh and burn your bones
Hang your head and pelt it with stones
Drive a knife deep through your heart.
I’ve hated you from the start
Threatening me will get you nowhere
Try to stop me is my only dare.
Keep coming at me with words of hate
I’ll give you another topic to debate
Should you live or should you die
It’d be wise to not speak a lie
Your words will be your end and your tears will not be seen
My fake smile was always my greatest crime scene
 Jan 2015 Alexis Danielle
A
I want to be your 911 and your favourite childhood blanket and I want to be your goodnight instead of your goodbye.
I want to be your favorite pair of shoes and the air beside you so that I'm always next to you and I know you're comfortable.  
I want to be my parents' "I knew she could do it" instead of their "she's not trying hard enough."
I want to be my friends' safety net and not their other 24hour emergency hotline-dial-me-when-you-need-me. I am not temporary.
I want to be a girl who smiles because the world engraved laugh lines in her gentle face and not a happy pill trapped mistake.

But I will never be those things.
I will never be those things because, in your eyes I will be the last cigarette in every pack that smells and tastes so good, but hurts your chest in the most unforgivable way.
But I will never be, for you.
Forsaken
 Jan 2015 Alexis Danielle
-
Saints protect her now
Come angels of the Unkown

Black fallen water will mend the wounds
But the thought of myself will only agonize
For a memory of self hate and love
Is the true poisoning

Please protect her
to a friend, whom I can never forget
I proclaim myself as a strong individual,
Someone who has battled long and hard to be standing here today.
You all see a boy with a strange personality,
Quirky and fun.
but I see a boy with scars- inside and out.
I see a boy who has lived a rough life, one not to remember.
A novel where the chapters seem to get longer and longer,
and I’m just sitting here; typing away.
I see a boy who has been ravished left and right,
Being held down by strings and torment.
Touched by the cold-bitter hands,
Taught that my lifestyle is against Will,
Treated like a grain of sand caught under life's shoe.
I see a boy who has fought back from rubble,
to escape from the rumors and voices that were placed in my “narrow” head
Shadowed under alcohol, knives, and inner-depression,
Chased under the slanders of "You’re not good enough."
Then those who speak, “It'll get better.”
I see a boy who is confused about what his true intentions are,
Being marked as different, being marked as the same.
I see a boy who is confused, who walks the halls and runs miles,
with a fake smile and a pumped up chest.
Just like the man who took advantage of me.
Just like the man who follows me till this day.
I see a boy who stands here today with these battled scars,
who just tries over and over again,
but can never get fulfillment with this audience
With these people I call my friends.
I see a boy who is tired.
A boy who is bruised, shamed, constricted and marbleized
Into what you may ask?
This boy has no idea himself.
 Jan 2015 Alexis Danielle
cecelia
my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
hatchlings aren't able to fly,
though they think they are.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
in order to live
and to love,
part of me had to die.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i would never be
as beautiful or as perfect
as the dove.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i was worthless,
and if i wanted something,
i had to work for it.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
you were protecting me
from the outside world.
i didn't realize i was suffering.


my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
you taught me that
i couldn't trust anyone,
there were predators all around,
and when it rained, it poured.

my body is a nest
for robin's eggs.
i told myself that
it was time to fly.
oh, it hurt, but still,
your words were never as soft as the ground.
 Jan 2015 Alexis Danielle
cecelia
remember me
as vivid as i used to be.
now i am slowly sinking into entropy.
catastrophe-
that's all i'll ever be.
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