Darling, I don't hate you,
not even a little.
To be honest, I never stopped caring for you.
I did resent you for a time.
I resented you for not loving me the way that I loved you.
And I know that's not fair.
But you were everything to me.
I was so absolutely infatuated with the idea of you, the idea of us,
That I let it consume me.
I let it change the person that I had worked so hard to become.
But let me make myself clear,
I don't blame you.
Not even a little.
But I don't blame myself either.
It's us that changed me.
Darling I don't hate you,
never did, never could.
But I can't love you either.

I knew a woman
Trinket to little pieces
Puzzles making frowns and faces
She lay, lay down blankets and tablespoons
For a man who looked at her
With a quivering, ivory eye

She grew to him,
Shockingly a bud meeting rain
Thirsty for him
Leaving what she thought she was
Behind for a man like him
And she told me
She had no idea what he was
Behind closed garage doors

He bled a little every day, she said
Till there was nothing left
He burned away his wick
And hung, string-like from a beam
Swaying in a wind she never knew she blew
She left herself in his arms

Now she doesn't smile the same
I know, though I met her
Long after
Now she doesn't sleep, but sedates
Now she walks on blades of glass
But so kind
So good
She never fell like he did

I never think I knew her
Like she was
As what she was just cries
But what she built
Talks to me
Lets me know there are people who keep going
Through her smile
She lets me know

Lost in your love,
I am, as I always will be.
Hurt by your pain,
truth is, its killing me.
life without you is misery,
it would drive me insane.
Here, as I always will be,
wish for you, i could say the same.

Poison ivy spreading all over my skin.
I brushed up against death and
never want to do it again.
They say with time it goes away,
but I can still feel it all over me.

The clock doesn't erode
the way I can feel inside.
I dance with the hands
but am, really, looking
for some place to hide.
I've used a neon bible
ever since she died.

And when she couldn't move,
the sirens blared,
she said it'd be okay,
but I felt so scared.
Maybe it's all in my head,
as the roof took rain.
She said 'I'm going far,'
I said, you gotta stay,
you're just in pain.

I'll never show her
what I am capable of.
I was in The New Yorker
and I'm not sure if
she even saw.

There's a paralysis
that comes with love,
related to every coffin drop
that sings from above,
and I wish you knew her, too,
as well as she knew me:
I am twenty-three and
covered in ivy.

Everybody we meet in our life

Is for a purspose

That's what am hearing from my childhood

They come like

Love
Hate
Pain
Jealous
Care
Laugh
Tears
Chaos
Death
Heaven
Hell

Unfortunately we cannot tag each and
Everyone into one category

Life is an amalgamation of all

i. I don’t know your favorite color but I know you love the blue-green complexion of the ocean washing up on the beige grains of sand; the reds, oranges, and yellows of the leaves softly and swiftly falling to the ground at the close of autumn; the green blades of grass blowing calmly with the summer wind; the golden brown shimmer of my eyes caught in passing rays of sunlight.

ii. Sometimes I try counting the scars on your body as if they were the stars lighting up the beautiful night sky. I find that each one, like a single star in a constellation, makes you more beautiful than the last.

ii.b. Stars are dead, their light only a mere representation of what once actually was. Your scars are evidence that you are a part of the human experience; death is proof of life. Your story is one that I can’t put down.

iii. Your melody meets my ears like the soft waves of summer meet the shoreline. Your voice, a love song with all the right notes, engulfs me entirely. You are a ballad I play endlessly. Sometimes I think my ears can only hear your symphony. I get lost in your voice.

iv. The touch of your hand warms mine as if it’s a crackling fire in the dead of winter; a flame I find complete comfort in. I wonder if two things have ever fit together so perfectly before.

iv.b. Two things have never fit together so perfectly before.

v. You are a home made up of muscles, skin, and bones. Your presence is reminiscent of lazy nights on the beach and long car rides with the music blasting; I am at ease whenever I am with you. I am safe. I am home.

...I can try all I want to describe your love but no words that I say will ever do it justice.

What once was
  Never happened
  The way we thought that it did.
Become aware of how it has been,
And how it shall be again.

So when my mind
Concurs to you who
  Loves to lie beneath my skin.

My truth divides  
Two sides
Colliding  
  
Truth and denial
At war within.