Isolating myself,
confined to these four walls.
Refusing to care
Rejecting phone calls ..
And no doubt about it,it is very
safe to say
....One is a lonely number....
but that's how I stay.
Beaten,broken,betrayed ...
Life attempts to teach,,refine and ultimately birth a better me
But for now...... Being that there's a free will ,a hermit I choose to be.
But mainly I'm dying.

I've got a secret
a *****, little secret,

And secrets stuck inside are bound to shred you to bits
so you've got to find someone to tell, somehow, quick,

You're a puppet writhing on its string
waving your stubby, limp arms for attention,

You dance around yourself
and find pretty ways to phrase what you mean
"i'm not that okay right now" you finally say,

And then you're locked into a bizarre duet
filled with classical music, and dainty, lovely steps
of "why didn't you tell me?" and "i wish i could help,"

But it seems you're not really cut out for this dance
you're too afraid of stepping on toes and causing them pain
you nervously try to laugh off the mistakes,

"You looked like you were walking straight into that lake"
go ahead, try laughing that away,

You blush, you look down
hang holding your breath from your strings
because *someone knows your secret
and even though they won't mean to
they might hint at it enough to give it away,

Because that's what you did, right?
you could never just break down to the beat of your own drum
and tell them the truth
you could never just say
I've got a secret,

I've thought about killing myself before

No, you always wind up giving out a pretty, little
*I don't think I'm okay.

I can't be your first love
The one who's name waits on your tongue
To lash out and remind me
I am small within her shadow

I can't be your first love
With mocha skin
Red wine dripped lips
And the touch that may still creep into your dreams

I can't be the first love
You waited months to kiss
In a firework glow
(I wanted you more, God only knows)

I can't be the first love
Who captured you
With artemis' grace
And her goddess confidence
(Rather, I'm the stumbling deer in your headlights)

I can't be the one
Who coiled around you
Demanded princess treatments
No, I never fit right on a pedestal

I can't be her
Though I've wished I could
When the way you say her name
Holds more than just nostalgia

Now I know she's got the front row seats
Serial effect on her side
But don't put me in the nosebleeds
Cause the previews always come
Before the main event
Yes, I can't be your first love
But I'd love to be second

Unblock, unblock,
I'm dying just to unblock...
Take stock, take stock,
of what's been said of me.

But unblock, unblock,
I'll never ever unblock
Or take stock, take stock
of what's been ailing me.